Dated

Dates that have memories associated with them, irrespective of whether they were good or not, make me very uncomfortable these days. 

Maybe it's the age, or maybe it's just my circle, but everyone around seems to be struggling with a change within.   How reactions to things have changed, how feelings for people have changed, and how change has forced more change. 

I used to be the obsessive woman who remembered all dates related to all things insignificant. At some level I still do, which is why the struggle, I guess. But detachment exercises have been on for a while now. And I know the truth too. 

I think I am jealous of people who are managing to go through similar phases without being cynical. And there must be few things that make me feel as pathetic about myself as this thought does. 

On an unrelated note, I think I am going to make a short trip on one of the coming weekends. Not a exploring-new-places trip, but a I-have-money-to-blow trip to another metro just to meet friends. I told Dad to help me figure investment plans! 

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You know of times when feelings are so incredibly strong that you are out of words. Even to write. 8th February brought some such feelings. I finally went for a concert of Ustad Zakir Hussain's. And it wasn't just him, Pandit Shiv Kumar Sharma was there too. It was thrilling and completely magical. It was also very cold and I wasn't appropriately dressed, but the sounds in that park that evening were unreal and nothing else mattered.. The moon gave the setting perfect company too. And as you may have guessed, it was one of the happiest moments ever. :D

All Yours.

• A friend of 14 years is getting married.
• A friend with whom I once shared the concept of soulmate is getting married.
• A friend decided to get married but unfortunately the relationship ended right after she got engaged.
• A friend/classmate from a few years ago is also getting married.
• And so is another close friend.

It is not like I do not have friends who are already married. But they are all older than me. These are people my age. Women my age.

When I was younger, I used to think 24 is the perfect age for a girl like me to get married. These are all girls like me. But as you may have guessed, my thoughts have changed a tad bit. And I am under an unspoken pressure. Of a different kind.

First of all, today, I do not know a guy I would like to marry. I can force* myself to imagine maybe, but then I don't think he would be imagining as vividly as I would. Secondly, professionally, I am far from settled enough to think about getting married. And thirdly, unlike the situation that most of my female friends find themselves in, I have a strange pressure from extended family and relatives. Even from my dad. I am expected to be VP of an organisation or live & own property in Manhattan before I think about things like marriage. They get the idea from most of my female cousins. The average age at which they got married is 30. So in a way, maybe it's a good thing I am not dating anyone right now because if I went to my parents with the idea of a marriage, I would have to stamp the big L on my forehead myself.

Now, about my thoughts. You know that I want to be VP of an organisation by the time I am 30. There is no doubt about that. And I will get there. Almost beside the point. The point here is that I don't want to be single when that happens. Of course, going by how things move in life, I know I have no control over how life will unfold in the next six years. But this is my perfect world we are talking about tonight.

Some of you whom I may have befriended in the last 2-3 years may not know the romantic in me. You may have even heard me say that I am not romantic. I am aware of times I have said so on this blog too. There are many reasons, incidents, people that make me do that, but yes, I do not like admitting that I too imagine and visualise the perfect world. I may not fancy a typical knight in shining armour or a going-down-on-his-knees scene, or even a desi version of it, but let's just say there isn't no reason why I obsess about things like flowers so much. However, I am good with the pretence. Even that friend of 14 years believes I am more practical than anything else. Sometimes I wish at least there was someone who knew what I really thought. Although I guess that's asking for too much. And... I like being practical too. So what I really wish for is someone who knew when I like being romantic and when I like the practical me to take over.

And then there are these words that echo in my head everytime I let my mind drift in this direction. There was a man who was known to be extremely obnoxious by most people around him. I was one of them. But he had once said that as we grow older, our insecurities, skepticism, and things we are rigid about only increase. And that in turn is not a good thing for a woman who may have to 'adjust' to a lot of things when getting married. And as dry as that sounds to the rebels in us, I personally feel there's truth to it. What adds to my insecurities is the fact that I know as I am growing older, my cynicism and extreme opinions are going off limits. So while I do not want to get married tomorrow morning, I think I will have too much baggage to handle as years pass by. And Subhadip's 'selective progeria' never ceases to haunt every empty moment of my life.

For now, the good thing is that I already have a lot of wedding-y clothes. And I am ready to partayy!! :D

PS - If you are a guy freaking out because of these things that I am saying, I will let you stereotype the moment. But in case you want to date me, why don't you connect with me! :D

*Now you know I do not need to force myself. Some thoughts flow more smoothly because there is no sense to them.

Words That Turn Me On

I do not know if it happens with you, but some words always make me feel good in a strange way. They do not necessarily have to have a relevant context. Maybe it is just the way they sound, or maybe it is some scientific sub-conscious connect. I don't know. All I know is that some words make me happy. Yes, that can also happen. :-)

Here's a list of a few of them, in no particular order.

Economics

Corporate

Single

London

Establish

Humour

Travel

Class

India

Air-force

Power

Running

Quality

Why don't you share some of yours if you know what I am talking about. :-)

Randomised

In these days of bearing a dead mind, I recently spared a thought for the zillions thoughts I have expressed on this blog. How with each passing year they have probably matured. At least in my head they did. And how with each passing year, the devils started sticking closer to me and my mind.

I think it was the initial days of grad college when I pondered over the seven sins and thought to myself that I do not indulge in any of them. No, I was not arrogant back then. Today, what, 5-6 years down the line, I have experienced them all. To top it, I am cynical too. But what is troubling me tonight is the constant conflict that the mind has to fight because of the situations life throws at you. Here's a petty one for instance. Earlier I was more open about expressing myself here. Even the not-so-happy thoughts made it here. Some people say it isn't good to register unpleasant thoughts because not only does it invite unwanted sympathy, it also gives you the opportunity to go back to those thoughts on a later date when you don't need them. But my take on doing so in a public space is that while you do pen those thoughts, you word them carefully enough to even look at them positively on that later date that people are concerned about. My private blog is a good comparative study for me, personally. It is so dark that sometimes I dread re-reading any of the stuff there. At the same time, there are probably five times more depressing events/thoughts that I have written about here, and they are so much easier to handle today. Only because I have maintained enough caution to know that I am penning history publicly here. :)

However, from being a naive and trusting, silly girl, I have grown to be a cynical woman with twisted thoughts that I have no control over. These thoughts also let me be indifferent towards a lot of unbelievable crap that people often get me involved in. Involved in a way that they do not even care to realise. Or explain. And if not indifference, at least I do not let me lose my mind over people who should not matter. I used to say, 'it's all about people'. Maybe it is not. Told you, cynical.

These days I do not listen to music, I do not click pictures, I do not call friends, I don't really meet any of them either. Maybe it is because of employment blues. Or an overlap of those blues with a phase that begun the day I left Pune. I am yet to find out. Even whether that is a phase or a turn that goes one-way.

I feel I am more at peace today than I was in the past one year. Certainly doing better than the blunt knife of this past February. But I am worried this peace could be silence that is killing things inside me.

The knee! I saw a different doctor and the problem finally got diagnosed. Now the wait for it to heal begins. I don't know why they just don't put a cast instead of asking me to not use it 'much'. Pff!

Anyway. I need to go for physiotherapy tomorrow morning, so I shall wrap this here and go to sleep. I don't know if this post will make sense to me tomorrow, but what the heck, the point was to not refrain from writing this time. :-)

Good night.

Evolving Amongst Contradictions

I have stopped rushing in the mornings. It's a nice feeling.

I was a misfit in a world of the smartest kids, and I am a misfit in this pool of morons too. Searching for a place where I might belong.

Being on a 'different' tangent made me feel like I am lot more of an individual worker than a team player. But the truth is just the opposite. I think a good team can add to your confidence, your thought process, level of interest, and a lot of other things that you might individually never be able to attain.

I am sure now that I cannot stay in one place for long. Short stints keep me happy. However much I may resist change, I know it always does me good.

I now also know why I have been feeling disconnected from everybody here for a while. It is because I do not get to see any other faces. At all! Residential is all right, but residential outside of planet earth makes you hate human beings. So, I may love you like crazy, and feel attached like I cannot live without you, but just the fact that I cannot give myself a break from you drives us all insane!

As of today, nothing gives me a high like travelling does. It's the best form of addiction I have picked from this life I have lived here, and I am hoping that irrespective of where I go from here, I manage to carry on with it.

I have written umpteen times on this blog about how cleaning everything around me makes me happy. But I think it has gone a step further by giving so much peace that it is almost heavenly. Taking out the trash is like hand-picking all the negative elements - men, sloth, jealousy, etc - out of your life. It's bliss.

When Vera Farmigia called George Clooney a parenthesis in her life, in the movie Up in the Air, it got me thinking. It got me thinking how my painfully inappropriate use of parenthesis in language, and its translation in personal life, both are equally obscene. And while I am completely aware of it, I feel almost helpless because I never know how to fix this problem. I end up making the same mistake over and over again, and parenthesis become a reality.


Why so serious? I do still drool over Clooney and that killer eyebrow of his! :D

Monarchy of My Mind

I slept so late last night that I ended up missing the flag hoisting on campus, and later lunch at a friend's home.

It was a standard day spent alone in the room - first the loop, then some job hunt, some almonds, more of the loop, more sleep, and more of the loop. Then I stepped out for some time in the evening for food, and was soon back to my laptop, music, and non-sense.

I know I have been rather inactive on my Flickr page, but the fact that my pro account subscription expired earlier in the month was killing me. So finally I got off the idea of living with it for a few more months and called my brother to renew it for me. Cheap, but happiness!!!!!

I also watched the new 'phir mile sur mera tumhara' videos. Few things...
1. Why did the makers try so hard to mix everything?
2. I could not figure why the music could not be arranged better.
3. What the fuck happened to Deepika Padukone in it?!
4. If there were Shahid Kapur and Ranbir Kapoor, why wasn't Abhay Deol there?
5. How did Sachin Tendulkar go missing!
6. I liked seeing Amaan Ali, Ayaan Ali, Rahul Sharma, and Anoushka Shankar in it.
7. But really, why so much of Bollywood?
8. The grandeur they tried to show was missing.

Bottomline: it did not give me goosebumps like the original one did!

I went to youtube to look for the old one right after watching this, and ALL the latest comments on the video indicated the exact same sentiment of wanting to watch it after going through over 16 minutes of randomness.

__

My constantly changing status messages on Gtalk today:
I need a job.xlsx
For it's a file that is always open on my system now.

'Kutte bhi bechare hi pasand aate hain!'
My universal love for vulnerability

Welcome back to the pro world, baby!!! :D
For the Flickr Pro account I mentioned

In loving memory of the original 5!
It was a year ago that I broke the '5' key on my keypad

That's all for tonight. See you soon. Tada!!

You've Seen This Before

While there is still close to a week left for the year to end, I want to write about the year that has almost gone by because I have started making my new year eve plans. So let's get to the custom of listing it all out.

# Life's second moment of hysteria happened early this year. More emotional stress than I could handle.

# Travelled to Jamshedpur from Pune to meet Shady who used to be

# Met Subhadip in Kolkata

# Started playing badminton after many years

# Travel ventures began with Ajanta and Ellora. And I covered everything from rock sculptures and paintings to river rafting in the mountains to frolicking on a beach on a rainy day to playing under waterfalls in the hills to a quiet lakeside evening to a drive to a beautiful dam followed by an awesome fort as well. A tiny wildlife sanctuary is on my list too. :-)

- So it was a first view of the sea
- A first dip in a river
- A first lakeside moment
- A first waterfall experience
- A first of a dam during rains
- A first walk on clouds in a fort
- AND a first of the wildlife

# Travel to Chandigarh to meet grandparents is definitely a separate point

# Holi brought my first rain dance experience

# Break-up happened and I became my cynical worst after that

# Got the fourth piercings in the ears

# Experienced working with a chauvinist

# It was one of the most volatile years of friendships

# I bought my first dress

# Got drunk for the first time

# Ran a marathon

# Bhaiya got engaged!
# Bought the perfect red saree I had dreamt of for a decade, for bhaiya's wedding
# More of ultrasounds and related crap

# Siddhartha passed away

# Bought a new lens with my own money

# Invested in a photograph for a good cause

# Made a perfect wall

# Dev D's music was one the biggest forms of madness ever!

# And so was Delhi 6

# Missed a flight

# Lived the thrill of having a Costa Coffee in Pune for the longest time!

# I contested and lost elections in college

# Experienced guilt like never before

# My first plant died

# Did political PR

# Voted in general elections for the first time

# Watched somebody I loved fall in love with someone else. Twice over.

# Made a little trip on Delhi's local trains

# Watched way too many movies on my laptop

# Got associated with one of the biggest brands in the world

# Attended a santoor vadan concert of Rahul Sharma's

# Saw Shah Rukh Khan :P

# Started loving peanut butter

# Sinus pains went beyond tolerance levels

# Had a man tell me I'm perfect

# Fell out of love with Nike for Woman

# Watched theatre

# Became more rude, arrogant and intolerant

# Broke my laptop's keypad in anger

# Laughed through many days too.

I am sure I am forgetting more things. I'll come back and update this list. Until then, spend some time in writing out comments. :D

Not So Dull

Why should dull be a bad word?

# When everyone is hyper, somebody dull can actually be someone sane.

# When the light is blinding, something dull can bring relief to the eyes.

# Things that are dull can contrast well with most things pretty.


Help me add to this, please. I am working on a defence for my friend Dull.

Who's the Judge?

I go through phases of liking, disliking, and back to liking the same people. Some people think that the disliking comes because I'm judgmental. So now I am wondering if being judgmental is also a subjective thing because I like to believe that I don't indulge in that. This thing that I am mentioning about people finding me to be judgmental are things that I don't like/cannot appreciate in another person. Trivial things. Or work-related things. I don't judge them for 'moral relativism'. I am nobody to even comment on something related to the 'morals' domain.

The disliking could come out of something as simple as spending way too much time with that person in question.

I have an example. If you are somebody I know purely out of your existence in the same physical environment as me, and not because of any friendship or even mere acquaintance, and you happen to have an annoying way of talking... I will find it annoying and maybe steer clear of you if you anyway seem to be talking of things that do not interest me.
But then if you are the lady who came to teach us HR this term, I would not deny that you had the world's most painful voice. However, at the same time, she was brilliant on content! She used to take day-long sessions with us and there was genuine value-add in those classes. But there were fuckers who wouldn't go beyond her voice, and managed to get her off the faculty list for the subject. Now, them, I judge! And why not! Why won't you judge stupidity?

So how do you define the word judgmental?


Oh, and some friends say that my first impression is that of a woman who is totally judging you for everything that you are saying or doing. I am not sure if it is meant to be a positive or a negative thing.

Standards

It's incredible how people expect others to be proper, but jump to obscenity at the first opportunity they get! And then they say that they know how to handle situations. Truth is that they do not even look the other way to see what is happening. Sure, obscenity also has layers. It is always offfensive, but when it is relative in nature it is more mucky. And I do not understand why people don't get it. I may have indulged in it at some point too, and I am genuinely sorry if I did it because the point remains that it sucks.

Conflict & Paradox

I am unsure about how to word the thoughts that have been on my mind for almost a day now. But I'm still going to try, for I need to figure some things out for myself.

What do you do when someone is not quite behaving 'right' with you, and it affects you?
You may decide to put a stop to it by trying to not take whatever is being thrown at you.
But what if in the process you don't just stop taking it, but actually end up giving it back to the person concerned?
The difference being that the person is doing it unknowingly, and you are fully conscious about what you're doing.
Is it right then? Would it still be 'protecting yourself'? And anyway if you're aware of it and it is raising doubts in your mind... how is it protection? It's just causing further unrest. Isn't it? You're hurting the person back.

Isn't it bad karma?

But what happens if you feel sorry about it, and decide to apologise for it? Will it take things back to square one? Will you be the one at the receiving end of muted hurt?
Is letting this happen bad karma too?

Whatever happened to the line between me and the self? How do you maintain it without feeling bad about things?

Is putting self interest above all else really the only way to go? Even if it means compromising on loved ones' interest?
How do you balance the two? If two people love each other a lot, there must be way to ensure that neither tramples over the other one's emotions. No?


Added later:
Yes, self interest is most important. Because I need acknowledgment for things I do. I mostly do not get it. And none of you are my offspring that I'd not mind it.

Transported

She loved that night...

And she loved that drive.


She loved that conversation...

And she loved that song.


She loved that thought...

And she loved that touch.


Magic is unreal...

Wish pain was too.

Almost hysterical*

Did I ever write here about how well I manage to surprise myself?

I'm beyond surprised right now. My hunches, and the 'feeling's that I get about things, are so unbelievably true that I am completely out of words right now. Actually, I am laughing. I'm laughing! At myself, at people, the situations, the circumstances.... AND the things that I imagine followed up by a true, 100% reality of the same. It is just so incredible! The visions that I get come true. How can they come true? They're the most absurd (till the time they are only in my head) things on earth. These are thoughts that I do not even share with friends because I know I'm better off keeping them to myself. Then days/months/years pass.... and I see the same goddamn thing happening. In reality. My limited vocabulary will leave it at, "dude, this is crrazy!". I am struggling with words. And I am struggling with thoughts too.

Funny shit.

Now I know for sure why situations don't surprise me. Because at some level I pre-empt them. Almost always.

*Actually, far from hysteria. But incessant laughs come closest to that word, I think.

Life in the sky

There it was. Alone. Shining.

There she was. Alone. Lying under the cloudy, starless sky.

The moon was still gibbous. But it shone like it was ready to take on the world.

And there were the clouds. The harmless, gray clouds. And the devilish, black ones too.

She felt like there was a corny movie playing in her head, but like most corny Bollywood movies, she was enjoying this one too. That, because she saw the moon and clouds playing her life in the sky. They came close, they moved away, they tried to hide it, they moved beside it as well. They let it shine alone, and the dark ones thought they’d take over as well. The moon kept moving steadily, the clouds were after all meant to wither away. It kept moving... until there seemed to be a clear, undefined patch lined up in its path. It asked the moon to decide how it wants to interpret it. Does it see the clear path? Or does it see the undefined patch? That’s when Robin called out.

I’m still fluctuating. But I am meant to move along, and I will.

A Crazy Trip

I did a most outrageous thing today. And it did not generate the kind of response I would have hoped for. It was a little out of character for me to do that, and the situation made me feel like going and hiding in a place that does not exist.

I also got into the most unrealistically real conversation with a friend today. It made me laugh and cry together. And it allowed me to feel the core of all thoughts in my mind today. It was an unsettling walk down a path that leads to all things we dump in a box that always remains locked.

Incidentally, following that conversation was another conversation with someone whom I cannot even claim to have spent much time with. And if I thought the previous session was unsettling, I'd have to say that this one stunned me. To imagine that you have never even gotten into a conversation with someone and still that person knows you the way you know yourself is pretty incredible. He can see me minus the garb that I have put between myself and the world. It's eerie.

After a round of feeling and behaving like I belonged to a world that did not exist, I called up someone who has always had a unique way of pulling me up when I hit a low that I quite hate myself. But I never thought that a short conversation could not just manage to lift my mood, but actually influence the thought process too.

And so, right now, I am feeling positive. It's an achievement-like thing today, so I'm giving it the kind of importance I think it deserves. Therefore a post at this hour. :-)


The thought bubble: "Peace is floating around. Just need to feel it. :-)"

I swing...

Between giving up and fighting it out...
Between numbness and multitude of thoughts...
Between fresh air and suffocation...
Between company and isolation...
Between wanting things to be the way they used to be and moving on...
Between being alert and spacing out...
Between smiles and tears...
Between me and myself.

WHY?

I am in awe of the human mind and the way the world functions. It is beyond comprehension at times and I wonder if I ever will be equipped to at least understand it if not do anything to contribute positively towards it. And I wonder how so many things seem simplistic to the mind. Is it just me or that's how it is with everybody? What is it that is so complex? Why is the rat race given so much importance? I know I am one of those who do give it importance but today I cannot address a WHY. Why does the world system function the way it does? What difference does it make if it is Keynes who is being followed or Patnaiks of the world who are talking about a different world? There will always be questions that remain unanswered and that is what the job of a question is but there must be solutions too, right?
And if it is affecting not just people whom we feel disconnected from but also our peers, then who really is gaining? But there is an argument that can be put forth for our micro society where people have a degree of freedom and understanding of things - at least we can think and decide for ourselves. So maybe it is only the less privileged who need a system that works for them. But at the same time, how many of us really have the capability to think for ourselves and decide what is right or wrong? Sure it is all relative but do we not need to understand ourselves before questioning the existence of anything else in the world? Or for that matter even taking for granted things that are easily available to us?

If we are all suffering then maybe it is time for social change. But what will the current world give way to? Something more brutal? Need not be, but could be. Would officially be the kalyug and end of the world then, is it?

Waiting for a day when there are more thoughts that answer all these questions. If you can enlighten, please do.

Entangled

I met Karan after three years yesterday. One person who has completely transformed over the years, but has retained the charm and sweetness. He was one of my bestest friends in school, but time and space never let us meet while we were both in the same part of the world. I shifted to Pune, and he came visiting his parents who live here. And so we met. It was my best day in this city. Or, the best day since I have moved, and the best in the 'city' anyway. We drove around the mad traffic-filled roads, walked in the persistent drizzle, and ate food that was not yellow. Talked about the Parsis and the several bakeries at MG Road, or a place called Dhole Patil Road which I need to visit soon (for food, of course), the good-looking Jats in Delhi, the awesome weather of Pune and the irresponsible society that we are among other things. I listened to radio after ages, and laughed at Sud for more reasons than one. A kid came selling flowers at a traffic signal and he bought some for me. That led to many many more people wanting to sell something or the other to him. One of them had a shady bike toy to sell. All the vehicles around us had people staring at us, and we could not stop laughing at the Harley Davidson which was too small for him.

While coming back, sitting in his car made me feel I was in Delhi. I felt as if I had spent a long day out with friends and now one of them was going to drop me back home. I did not want to come back to the hostel. Not because I don't like it, but because I suddenly realised that the life I have given up is very different from the one that I am living now. I wanted to go back. I know there will hardly be anyone there to spend time with, but all memories of all the times spent with different friends came rushing back. I have been struggling with them for more than 24 hours now. I can't even cry because I know there is no point in it. I want to, but not a single tear is willing to drop. I don't know since when I got so practical about emotions! Maybe I should be thankful that I got to talk to Avan and Sumi today. But like I was telling Avan, I need someone to pamper me. I want attention. Special attention. And I know I will get none of it here. It isn't just management training that I have come here for. Literal 'alone' is happening. I need a break. Yes, already!

My ray of hope is the 15th August break. It is at the risk of a warning letter for not being on campus on a mandatory attendance day, but I'd rather take that happily than not be home at that time. Nidhi called too. Got some family updates from her. And how I wish tomorrow wasn't a Sunday! I will be moving from campus to city for a seminar in the 7:00 a.m. bus, and my family will call me at lunch only to remind me that they are all together at home. I am glad Ma doesn't tell me what she's made for lunch/dinner when I ask her. It is nice to not know. Selfish reassurances!

Finding it hard to break this chain of thoughts...

PS - My complexion has changed beyond belief. It's almost I have moved to the south. It's the hills' sun - piercing and sharp. The tan is just too much! :-/

Everything Delhi

I hit the dashboard here with the thought of writing about NDTV Metro Nation today. But even before starting, I got my title. And now there are so many other things Delhi that I want to write about. All the things that are very Delhi and are part of me. The things that I now notice more because I am soon going to leave Delhi. I have never lived elsewhere, so my love for the city is probably purely on the basis of the fact that it is home. Even before leaving, I feel that I would like to come back. For more than one reason. But a lot of things say that I might not want to after I've seen that part of the country. Well, speculations they are. This will only depend on time. As a lot of other things. They make me anxious enough to leave me breathless. I wish this line was written only for the sake of drama. When it first happened and when I first framed this sentence in my head, I wanted to save it for my absolute last post from this computer. Yes, the attention-seeking dramatic self. Same old.
Anyway, we will come back to this.

In my days of ultimate boredom, I even watch NDTV Metro Nation. There aren't really any shows on it that are the addictive kind - no dramatic reality shows, no sitcoms, no soaps. But there are a lot of things that I like about this channel. Specially the innovative ideas they have come up with. Apart from the usual, standard things that are shown on TV about cities, etc, they cover a lot of things that are either offbeat or they create shows in such a way that it's interesting. They have debates on issues other than the common ones. Their debates have elements that are not run-of-the-mill. A lot of anchors are really smart. The breed that an NDTV lover would immediately identify and appreciate. Yes, some are quite unbearable too, but mostly nice. Intelligent and sophisticated. The Group's original traits. Love them! And as they say in their ads, "Watch It!". :)
So there is this really cute guy who hosts a show called U Special. Goes around Delhi colleges hosting debates. I think I like this show more for the Delhi college life's charm that it manages to bring across. There's one who covers schools too. [He's also cute. :)] He once did a special on mobile schools. There are non-profit organisations that have buses that go around the city teaching street kids. And the show was not full of interviews of fancy people wearing handloom. It had interviews of street kids, on the streets. Very informative, very interesting, and quite overwhelming. And oh, there are shows for foodies round the clock. Breakfast shows, lunch shows, fancy restaurant specials, all kinds of drinks' specials. There's one where two guys cover dhabas across the national highways too.
And then all that information on the cultural stuff happening around. And this is the part of the city that I unfortunately never associated myself with. Never tapped on the opportunities created by the fact that India Habitat Centre is ten minutes away from my home. Anyway. So yeah, all that you want to know about the city is actually there on the channel. Something that true Delhiites would love to see, and something someone new can appreciate. Oh, but they call us Delhizens. Uncool!

I can't get enough of the thought that I will miss this place. And I have still not started thinking how much I will miss mom. That's a crazy line of thought I want to stay away from. I wish she was not going to drop me there. I guess that will make things harder. Shoo shoo... later!!

If I was making this move one year ago, I think I would have been happier. (I know the greener grass story. And just while writing this I myself found a reason to contradict it. So never mind.) The only reason I say this is because then I wanted to run away from everything that was happening here. I would have had a reason to keep myself happy being away. But today I am more or less emotionally stable. Doesn't happen to me too often. And you know me, the change-dreader. I am quick to think of the worst things inflicting my life there. Pff.

Circling one more time - I will miss these streets, this chaos. I know I hate the assholes on the roads (the ones driving, not the ones walking), but the thought of being on an isolated hill-top makes me think I will miss this. All the PVRs, crazy cousins, autos, DTCs, MTNL, golgappe, winters, a lot of other things, and the luxury of living a spoilt life. I've been a good kid, but I have extremely spoilt habits. And now people ask me if I am my parents' only kid. Tch.

Anyway. Sorry for such a gol-mol post with no flow. Too many thoughts. And still not complete. Will come back.

Thoughts...

Right now I am editing a book on financial management (yea, I finally found work). And it's strange how a couple of almost Greek words can evoke such a lot of thoughts.

I can't believe that in just four years I had forgotten what basic accounting abbreviations like B/R stand for. And I thought I was good at accounts as a subject in school!

While in college, I missed accounts quite a bit. I know, a lot of my 'peers' would sneer at this statement, 'coz subjects like that are too lowly for intellectual economics brains. Well, what to do, my economics brain was always kinda pseudo. Anyway. So yeah, one of my reasons behind 'why MBA?' was a want to study commerce and accounts kind subjects again.

In the book, there is a whole lot of stuff about EBIT values and P/E ratios. I don't know shit about these things, but I know I once spent a very crazy day in office researching, working, and running about all over because of these things. It was during my first month there, and a competition on Mergers & Acquisitions was on. I felt proud of myself for having skipped lunch because I was working so much. It was part of my whole awe of the fancy things happening around me. And also of my secret fascination with a super-busy life. Heee. :D

Of course, the book is making me interact with the lady who supervised my work when I was interning at Pearson. So it's kinda like re-living some fun time.

And, most importantly, it reminds me that everything said and done, the course that I have taken up will keep me happy - in the next 2 years, and thereafter. I can never make a career out of such work. I will die of boredom. This is why I could never take up the very flattering offer made by Pearson even before I completed my grad. And neither could I stick on with Watson. I hope I do not turn out to be one of those people who say all kind of work is crappy. Really.

Okie, gotta go now. Tada, people!! :)