Recently

I was on a flight from Patna to Delhi. Large part of the sector had a view of the Himalayas. I had been on the route last year and craved to be closer to the mountains. Having the same view this time gave an exceedingly satisfying feeling. Of having done it. I really will never get over Ladakh.

I was in Mumbai. A first during the monsoons. Goes without saying that I was dreading the gray and the rain. So much so that the thought of being around the sea did not even cross my mind. But it didn’t rain much, it was not humid, there was a lovely breeze for most part, and it suddenly dawned why people there love this weather. 

I had a meeting on the 35th floor of a building at Nariman Point. The view of the sea left me breathless. 

I got a new pair of sunglasses. I missed having a brown pair. Everyone should own a brown pair once in their lifetime. It gives the world such a lovely hue!

I met Ruchi after about five years or so. I am so glad I decided to spend that one hour with her. It is good to connect with happy fragments of the past. Even if they’re just that.

Suvvir turned one. Bhaiya and Megha made a good decision of not doing a big jing-bang of a party. It was a small gathering, Suvvir was comfortable and happy, and so was I.

I failed a written test. It was discouraging to say the least. 

I paid to go for a photo walk and socialize with strangers. That took the attempts to step out of the comfort zone to another level altogether.

I have been busier than I like. 

Offload!

• Chashme ke bina nahi dikh raha.
• "Familiarity breeds contempt."
• "In the long run we are all dead."
• I had forgotten your smell.
• They never need to see me or talk to me to know that I am happy. 
• Sooner or later loose ends do get tied up.
• Just when I was beginning to feel that excitement is a frivolous emotion that I no longer experience, I got an opportunity to realise why it is such a treasured emotion.
• I may be a cynic, but I know who is worth being put in that list of gods.
• Your wit is digging too strongly, it's making me funnily uncomfortable.
• Competition still scares me. 
• Some equations should not need effort and are not even worth the effort.
• Pehde bandeyan naal ladna wi aa gaya!
• This American English is not fun.
• Too soon to comment, too soon to feel, too soon to judge - control is an art that makes your life bloody boring. And yet I seem to be leaning that way. With offline moments, of course. 
• You always have options. It's just that sometimes they're so bad that you don't consider them as options. 
• I wonder why I like the icky feeling of perspiration trickling down my scalp.
• That list of gods, Vishal Bhardwaj has been on it for quite a while. Deservingly. 
• I perceived someone to be similar to Subhadip. I was wrong - this one's nowhere close.
• And now that the longest day of the year is behind me, I am awaiting winters! :D

More later!

The Big Question

Can you do it?
Can you let go of your weekends?
Can you give up on all the things that do not add value?
Can you take the heat?
Can you take more pressure?

CAN.YOU.DO.IT?

I have to do it.

All Yours.

• A friend of 14 years is getting married.
• A friend with whom I once shared the concept of soulmate is getting married.
• A friend decided to get married but unfortunately the relationship ended right after she got engaged.
• A friend/classmate from a few years ago is also getting married.
• And so is another close friend.

It is not like I do not have friends who are already married. But they are all older than me. These are people my age. Women my age.

When I was younger, I used to think 24 is the perfect age for a girl like me to get married. These are all girls like me. But as you may have guessed, my thoughts have changed a tad bit. And I am under an unspoken pressure. Of a different kind.

First of all, today, I do not know a guy I would like to marry. I can force* myself to imagine maybe, but then I don't think he would be imagining as vividly as I would. Secondly, professionally, I am far from settled enough to think about getting married. And thirdly, unlike the situation that most of my female friends find themselves in, I have a strange pressure from extended family and relatives. Even from my dad. I am expected to be VP of an organisation or live & own property in Manhattan before I think about things like marriage. They get the idea from most of my female cousins. The average age at which they got married is 30. So in a way, maybe it's a good thing I am not dating anyone right now because if I went to my parents with the idea of a marriage, I would have to stamp the big L on my forehead myself.

Now, about my thoughts. You know that I want to be VP of an organisation by the time I am 30. There is no doubt about that. And I will get there. Almost beside the point. The point here is that I don't want to be single when that happens. Of course, going by how things move in life, I know I have no control over how life will unfold in the next six years. But this is my perfect world we are talking about tonight.

Some of you whom I may have befriended in the last 2-3 years may not know the romantic in me. You may have even heard me say that I am not romantic. I am aware of times I have said so on this blog too. There are many reasons, incidents, people that make me do that, but yes, I do not like admitting that I too imagine and visualise the perfect world. I may not fancy a typical knight in shining armour or a going-down-on-his-knees scene, or even a desi version of it, but let's just say there isn't no reason why I obsess about things like flowers so much. However, I am good with the pretence. Even that friend of 14 years believes I am more practical than anything else. Sometimes I wish at least there was someone who knew what I really thought. Although I guess that's asking for too much. And... I like being practical too. So what I really wish for is someone who knew when I like being romantic and when I like the practical me to take over.

And then there are these words that echo in my head everytime I let my mind drift in this direction. There was a man who was known to be extremely obnoxious by most people around him. I was one of them. But he had once said that as we grow older, our insecurities, skepticism, and things we are rigid about only increase. And that in turn is not a good thing for a woman who may have to 'adjust' to a lot of things when getting married. And as dry as that sounds to the rebels in us, I personally feel there's truth to it. What adds to my insecurities is the fact that I know as I am growing older, my cynicism and extreme opinions are going off limits. So while I do not want to get married tomorrow morning, I think I will have too much baggage to handle as years pass by. And Subhadip's 'selective progeria' never ceases to haunt every empty moment of my life.

For now, the good thing is that I already have a lot of wedding-y clothes. And I am ready to partayy!! :D

PS - If you are a guy freaking out because of these things that I am saying, I will let you stereotype the moment. But in case you want to date me, why don't you connect with me! :D

*Now you know I do not need to force myself. Some thoughts flow more smoothly because there is no sense to them.

Gaah!!

Today I reached the next level of health-related crap. My dentist made me a case study for his resident students. Must tell you it does not feel funny to lie in the dentist's chair and have more than one people looking into your mouth! :-|

Apparently I have teeth of a 40-year-old. Yet again, for no fault of mine. Apparently my stress/anxiety makes me grind my teeth at night and all the grinding over the years has resulted in me having a now useless set of canines with a fair bit of damage to other teeth too. Ugh!

I personally know that it is not just my teeth that have reached the 40-year point. Maybe I should speed up life and do all that I plan to real quick 'coz my body seems to be aging a lot faster.

Come on baby, now don't just give me a job, make me your CEO! And then soon I would like to become a supermom CEO who travels the world for leisure for six months in a year. Who's listening? *puppy face*

Personality Bites

This past year brought with it a new revelation. Something that has a strange paradox in the centre.
About eight years ago, somebody told me that I am a little too approachable. That people find it easy to come to me and speak their mind, and that isn't always a good thing because at times I end up getting hurt/offended in the process. I agreed, but did not know what to do to change things.
After all these years, I am standing at the other extreme end of approachability. My cynicism, insecurities, arrogance, and emotional baggage coupled with this thought at the back of my mind made me what I am today.
There were innumerable instances where directly or indirectly I was informed that people are 'scared' of me. And not in a very positive way. I like it if I think of it as something that makes people think twice before saying something to me. But then, if that's something that makes so many people have a negative perception of me, I am not too sure if it's such a great thing.
From where I stand today, my 23 years tell me that it's ok if this is the case. I've seen my mom be all that I am not anymore. It's sure brought her a lot of appreciation and love from people outside of her immediate circle, but then it has brought more hurt too. I like to believe that people who know me see the person that I am beyond this outer crust. If I need a life-changing, attitude-changing humbling experience to get out of this mode, I can't say. Or if this post becomes redundant by the time I am 30 or something, only time will tell.

End of Term III

The term has finally come to a close. Just another two days left. These four months were the biggest drag in this place. I didn't do anything. I didn't feel like doing anything. Emotional instability killed a lot of things. But I still have pictures to remember the few good 'moments'. Hope you enjoy them...

At Mocha on the day we first tried going to Srivardhan/Diveagar.

This festive procession that day didn't let us move out of the city.
The July-Oct months are anyway the most festive in this part of the country. Some or the other celebrations keep happening on the streets.

We had very few classes during the first week or so of this term. Swetha and I are known for absolute casual dressing. So the free time led to a makeover and a little shoot of hers in the room one night.

The wall that I did up during those free days.

Went to Srivardhan beach with these three girls.

Had the time of my life on my first ever beach trip!

Delhi High Court came out with the verdict on gay rights. We were a happy lot.

Went on a drive to Sinhagarh and Khadakvasla with Karan

Dhaniya came into my life

Ice Age mania! I went bonkers over Ice Age 3 for some reason.

Sid joined me!! :D

The new terminal 1D at the Indira Gandhi International Airport happened

I got my new lens. Incidentally, this was the first picture I clicked with it

A drive to Mulshi Lake with the boys!

Budday happened!

We drove to the waterfalls at Tamhini Ghat that day

Like I mentioned, known for casual dressing. Therefore, this was the birthday dress.

Absolutely endless chats with Sahil about the most inane things in the world. That window was open through the entire term.

Sid had a second photoshoot in September

Just the obsession with colours

My roommate was in the organising committee of a big event in college this term. Her preparations took over the room for the longest period.

Random moments in the canteen

The National Radio Meet happened. It is one of the few events here in which I manage to find things that interest me.

Statistics was a big headache everytime it surfaced.

Sahil's birthday happened too!

So much for putting cake on his face!

When we slept through one boring seminar after another

Status quo. Durga Puja days.

The Ambar-Dhara moment

In-class photoshoot. Robin had bought a new camera, and I didn't have a picture with Parvathi

Maggi, of course. I spilled it all over my clothes that day.

And now I shall proceed towards some organisational learning. Tada!