Ladakh: The People Who Made It Happen

Our Drivers

We completed the journey between Manali and Srinagar in four different cars with four different drivers. From Manali to Keylong, we were with Namgyal. He was stylish, outgoing, god-fearing, and a safe driver. But very low on confidence. Sitting next to him through the drive, particularly at Rohtang, didn’t feel too great. 

At Keylong, we switched to Jimmy’s car. He was Namgyal’s mentor, the big brother. He was cool, had every single dhinchak hindi movie song you can imagine, smoked at every opportunity he got, took care of all our needs, sang well, entertained us, and wore the coolest tee that read, “I hope there is an after life so that I can waste that too”. He got the girls two litres of chhang too, the local alcoholic beverage. He was with us on the Keylong-Tso Moriri-Leh leg.

Jimmy with Ruhi

In and around Leh, we drove with Kamal. He was reserved but had the nicest smile. He was even safer than the first two drivers and that worked well for us because passing through Chang La on our way to Pangong Tso was not easy. The weather was bad and the roads were worse. Oh, and his car had a ghost DJ. Poor guy tried hard to fix the system but some loose wires led to repeated switching of songs every couple of moments. Some of his songs drove me nuts too, but that was not a matter of choice for me.

The last leg between Leh and Srinagar was covered with Iqbal. He was a relatively elderly man who had children back home. He seemed to have driven around more high maintenance passengers in the past – he turned off his music when he felt it would disturb us, stopped at points which made for good photos before anyone asked him, and shared some interesting trivia at regular intervals. Milan sat with him in front when we were crossing Zoji La. Apparently he did not induce any confidence in her with his antics. But he brought us down safely. Our lives were literally in his hands through that steep and slushy slope. I also happened to drop my phone in his car and he was kind enough to return it in time. 

Whether it was Tso Moriri which was located at the back of beyond or the drive through army convoys in Kargil, at no point did I feel unsafe - all thanks to these drivers. They were half the reason why our drive was as awesome as it was. 

The Girls

There was madness, quiet, maturity, and entertainment, all in good proportions. 

It felt kinda cool every time we told someone that we were from Delhi, Kolkata, Chennai and Bangalore respectively. 

Nidhi became the boss of me every time I felt unwell and did she love being that or what! She used her design and aesthetics skills to do some sketching through the trip and I am waiting for her to complete them.

One of her many moments of feeling light

Milan clicked pretty pictures of me, nicely took over the role of planner from me, gave me company in potty issues, and made for many a perfect-sync laughter moments.

Her moment of hotness in a load of dust

Being with Ruhi, as always, was effortless. I spent this much time with her after long and she has visibly mellowed down quite a bit. But it’s always a nice, positive feeling to have her around and I am so glad she thought she could do the trip only with me. 

Her moment of snow-y happiness

Prashant

Well, what do I say. He is the first person I had heard of going to Ladakh. That was seven years ago. His pictures back then had bored the life out of me. Yes, I didn’t see the handful that made it to his blog, I saw all hundreds (or thousands?) of them. 

He gave me a lot of tips. He lent his wide angle lens again. Introduced me to Parvez who managed the whole trip for us. And he took more interest in my trip than I expected anyone who wasn’t travelling with me to. It was nice.

Prashant, this one's for you.

Parvez, Javed, and their Ladakh Eco Adventures

Their hospitality was unmatched. I know people from up north are all nice, but these are the guys I interacted with and it was an absolute pleasure (barring one episode which we all got over later). Javed won me over with the fresh apricot juice, and Parvez with his late evening visit to the guest house only so he could say bye to me. 

The Army Officers in Kargil

Sure we were the CO’s guests, and sure they hardly get to interact with hot women like us :P, but their effort at making us comfortable, entertaining us, GIVING ME GOOD RED WINE, flirting with us, and waking up early just to see us off was well noted and appreciated. I wanted to leave them a nice letter, but handing it to them would have been too corny; so I refrained. 

Swati

If it wasn't for her plan and shout-out, I don't know if this trip would have happened for me even this year. 

It's Just A Scratch!

The shrewd
The cowards
The political
The manipulative
& the pretentious

I know not which are worst. But I have seen them all.

And with them, I have also seen the genuine. Thus, life moves on. 

A Defence!

There are times when you ignore things people say about you or your identity. And there are times when you defend.

As a Delhiite, I have, on most occasions ignored the things people have said about me - some juvenile, some seriously condescending - simply because more often than not it is pointless to argue stereotype. 

I reached home a while back, opened my laptop because I had been out for meetings since lunch, and obviously, happened to login to Facebook too. Noticed a friend's comment on a link posted by one of her friends: City of Sperms. Delhi, of course. I clicked on it out of curiosity, only to get infuriated by the things it mentions. Very articulately derogatory. For me. And for my people. There are some aspects of it which I cannot defend and will not attempt to either, but its perspective stinks. And in my free space I am going to elucidate on an insider's story. 

Without getting into my little but enough-to-form-opinions experience of Bombay or the things about the city that have an equal number of people detesting it too, I will come straight to the point. 

Historically, most major cities across the world have developed around water bodies. New York, London, Moscow, Shanghai, Singapore, etc. At home, Mumbai, Kolkata, Chennai, and also Delhi. Port cities for the easy transportation in the olden days, and cities around rivers for easy availability of drinking water. I thought this was common knowledge. However, the greatness of these cities is not because of their advantageous geographical location, but because of their people*. I must not forget though that the article in question mentions that the people of Delhi are a questionable, pretentious lot. I guess I should focus on the people then. 

Delhi, 1947. Monuments left by the Mughals, roads & a few buildings left by the British, and the centre for most of the greats who helped bring in 15th August. Barring the last point, Delhi wasn't too different from some other cities of India. Or maybe it was. There were Indians who didn't know they had become Pakistanis, there were the homeless 'rich', the 'travellers' who did not know of their destination, and there were the scared. 

The scared who managed to hold on are today's Old Delhi with generations-old businesses. The culturally rich generations. The rest of Delhi of '47 began with opportunities in the form of a government. The political will attracted people from disturbed areas to Delhi. The refugees were given homes. Those homes are today's bungalows**. The existent trade channels helped bring up industry as much as they could. 

Khalistan pushed people to Delhi, Kashmiri Pandits on hitlists found recluse in Delhi, the Green Revolution gave neighbouring farmers a market in Delhi, liberalisation gave UP and Bihar an opportunity for much higher daily wages, privatisation and offshoring brought the rest of India to Delhi, Bihar's hard work got appreciated in diplomacy, and of course, the government and politics remained in Delhi. Tch, trade channels. Not exclusive in India. Built. And still exist. Naturally. Organically. Not undeserved. 

Alleged Intellectual Pursuits

The common man in Delhi talks about the weather. It is always too hot, too cold or too humid. It rains too much when not expected. It rains too little when expected. The common man also talks about governance and policy. Heard of that feature of journalism where proximity makes news more interesting? Hmm. The debates on policy take place on the porch that Delhi's homes boast of. And in the college canteens that give students the freedom to discuss what they like, and choose a future that does not result in making hoards of money every month. Where students can enjoy the lectures on Marxist theories and have the option of knowing more about it in a masters or a doctorate course. JNU is a cult. Contemporary culture deceives a visitor of JNU's mind. JNU is not about a meaningless existence or a hip MNC future, but of keeping a school of thought alive which capitalism obviously would not allow to exist. JNU also possibly gives entertainment products like _Capitalism_.
A society is made of layers. Layers of various colours and textures. These layers lend the society a character, a meaning. These layers help in evolution and growth. Layers exist for a reason. Just like vegetarians and carnivores. So, onions being at the heart of all north-Indian dishes are playing an important role. Read about the price issue?

One can always debate the objective and role of media in a democratic state, but The Times of India being quoted as a game-changer in media is a big misrepresentation in my mind. A game-changer in the business of media, yes. Journalism, NO. 

Going back to the layers that Delhi is made of - the city lets you decide whether you want to make money or not. It gives you the opportunity to go to Gurgaon and earn a BMW or make a living out of painting and dancing. It does not throw you off a railway platform for not running the race to earn more money. Or call it a commercially viable existence!

Delhi, like any other part of the world has stood the test of time. It does not become endearing because a loser decides that his city has some related flaws. It does not become hateful because it happens to be home to corrupt politicians. Delhi is beyond labels. It is a lot more than the stereotype.

*Which is why there are numerous cities across the world which are great even in the most challenging geographical terrains. People make a city, not its terrain or climate. 

**Rest of the bungalows belong to rich industrialists and Bollywood stars. Perhaps made for their extended family and extended servants. Perhaps the same in number as those in Bombay. 

P.S. - Didn't Bombay inherit fish? Does it not make millions off it every day? Undeserved? I don't think so. It is distressing to imagine that people like a Manu Joseph talk on behalf of an entire city. A city that minds its own business. Of its contempt for another city of the same country?!
P.P.S. - When did 'sperm' become a dirty word? The art of making normal words sound gross. Appreciation-worthy!

And talking of a crass Jat and the 'thousands like him' is like talking about India and comparing population-based indices with a country like, what, Iceland! Of course there are thousands like him from neighbouring states in a city of over one crore people. About the Jat behaviour, go do some reading!

And I rest my case.

Faces I Saw Recently

I have had days when every person I see reminds me of someone I know/have known. Such days are rather creepy. But in the past few weeks I have spotted people on different occasions who look like people I have known. Some of them being...

Sayantani (pretty close to where her parents stay)

Rohini (with only the nose looking different)

Sumit (I think he has more than one look-alikes)

Aditi Raisurana (minus the specs)

Prashant (similar face with a similar height and build)

My bua (if she had a replica it was the lady I saw in the metro!)

Sometimes it's plain uneasy to go through this given the frequency. Isn't it?

Two Farewells and a Thriller

Saturday night was Saumya's last in Delhi. 

From 2007

She has moved back to Hyderabad, this time to spend a year at ISB. So a few of us from college spent the night at her place. It was a good eat-drink-laugh time. The conversations, we felt, had matured. We could feel that we're moving far away from what we used to be like a few years ago. How we can't relate to college goers anymore. How we could not stop talking about work. 

But mind you, we are not old yet. We had Britney Spears, some ooh-ah-ish songs on the radio, fantasies, bitching, and future plan talks with us too!

Mom was excited when I told her of Saumya's move. And I know for sure that she's gonna kick some serious ass there!

The other farewell was last night for Nehmat. She had been around for pretty much everything I needed through the past five months - from helping with work on a day that I felt that I may get fired to giving me company for a scary cardiogram. With it all she obviously has had to bear with my moods as well given that I was always on her immediate left. 

One of her avatars in office

She's loud, she's fun, she's emotional and full of life. She can have two drinks and do a sexy slither on the floor as well. She's moved on for good, and I'm sure will do something worthwhile and happy in the coming years. 

The thriller was obviously the India-Pakistan semi-final. Now what can I say about it that hasn't already been said. It was perfect. More so because it was in the middle of the week and I love happy Wednesdays a lot these days. :D

Wednesday was also Mom's happy birthday. On Wednesday I added some more white to my wardrobe as well. :D :D

It was a good week. With all this was a quick catch-up with Subhadip after more than two years, not much work, a productive business meeting, and a new type of martini discovered and liked.

The downs were there too. But what good will talking about them do me anyway!

Dated

Dates that have memories associated with them, irrespective of whether they were good or not, make me very uncomfortable these days. 

Maybe it's the age, or maybe it's just my circle, but everyone around seems to be struggling with a change within.   How reactions to things have changed, how feelings for people have changed, and how change has forced more change. 

I used to be the obsessive woman who remembered all dates related to all things insignificant. At some level I still do, which is why the struggle, I guess. But detachment exercises have been on for a while now. And I know the truth too. 

I think I am jealous of people who are managing to go through similar phases without being cynical. And there must be few things that make me feel as pathetic about myself as this thought does. 

On an unrelated note, I think I am going to make a short trip on one of the coming weekends. Not a exploring-new-places trip, but a I-have-money-to-blow trip to another metro just to meet friends. I told Dad to help me figure investment plans! 

---

You know of times when feelings are so incredibly strong that you are out of words. Even to write. 8th February brought some such feelings. I finally went for a concert of Ustad Zakir Hussain's. And it wasn't just him, Pandit Shiv Kumar Sharma was there too. It was thrilling and completely magical. It was also very cold and I wasn't appropriately dressed, but the sounds in that park that evening were unreal and nothing else mattered.. The moon gave the setting perfect company too. And as you may have guessed, it was one of the happiest moments ever. :D

Sort of Social

While colleagues complain of me not being social enough, I have happily been socialising for the past few days. The time that passed since the last time I connected with any one of these friends has ranged from six months to seven years. I have also managed to make up on some unnecessary fallouts of the recent past. And meet a couple of new people too.

Udit, Priya, Varun, Priyam, Mansi, Selyucus, Pritish, Yuvika, Vaibhav, Srikant, Satyam, it's been good. :)

So, it may be a lonely high ride, but I am thankful there are enough people around to help stay away from madness.

Hardcore

The word has been ringing a bit for the past few days.

In unrelated contexts: Baiju said I'm hardcore for I manage to mix drinks, be fine, and more. He thinks I can "kick ass and be a Radia if I want to". Jayant said I'm hardcore for managing to procrastinate to the extent that I do. Nehmat said I'm hardcore for she thinks I have potential to do my own business. I say I'm hardcore because I love the thought of being hardcore.


I cannot remember who, but someone recently told me that it isn't probably so great to be 'hardcore' because of the kind of connotations associated with the word. Of course, I only wish people grew beyond such notions.


Someone has even come to me and told me that my 'media look' gives a 'cougar' impression to guys. It surprises me, and yet does not. And I feel absolutely no urge to even refute such mental expressions. According to me, they are beyond all reason.

Nonetheless, it is entertaining to hear of such thoughts and opinions. Especially when you are bored out of your wits.

The Winter Trip to Kumaon

Continuing from where I left, I was on a very tight seven-day road trip on the following route.

Delhi>Bilaspur>Rudrapur>Nainital>Sitla>Mukteshwar>Almora>Patal Devi>Kasar Devi>Chitai>Jageshwar>Almora>Kasar Devi>Kausani>Mohlidhar>Ranikhet>Kathgodam>Delhi

So while I was working, the little and the lot that I experienced and managed to absorb (cannot claim to explore at all) would be the following.

# Sitting in the front seat can help avoid a lot of winding-roads-motion-sickness.

# Sitting in the front can be very taxing for your otherwise overworked brain if the driver wants to talk non-stop in order to keep himself awake.

# I can love the smell of freshly sanitized hotel rooms. And then suddenly hate them.

# More cities growing the Rudrapur or Almora way will really ruin our country.

# I love the defence forces. I just do. And I love how they maintain the places they live in. Ranikhet being the case in point.

# Sitla is a cold place. Very very cold place.

# The 50 km aerial distance between Kausani and the Himalyan peaks does not feel good. The force wants you to be on the other side. But that is also a cold place. Very very cold place. Especially if you are doing sunrise/sunset photo shoots.

# I met at least 10 new people and covered the previous 11 months' deficit of that in my life.

# The new things I saw/did: eat methi ka laddoo, bhatt ke dubke, maduey ki roti, and bal mithai, have fresh cow's milk, stand in a smelly cold storage, live in a building built in 1880, get overwhelmed by the artificialness of floriculture, watch the process of flower tissue culture, trek an unbelievable amount with my half dysfunctional legs, visit the Sun Temple at Katarmal, the Golu Devta Temple at Chitai, get the stories of both, meet some people who are doing some absolutely brilliant work in the region, understand that the thousands of pine trees are just ruining the ecology of the region, that kiwis are now being grown indigenously, learn about the art called aipan, see-touch-step on-and-freeze thanks to frost, among many other things.

# Gods were nice enough to keep the weather sunny through our entire trip. But I still know now what a solar eclipse apparently feels like.

# I had a bold ice cream in Nainital. And I had a bolder ice cream in colder Ranikhet. :D

# I had more tea in those seven days than I had cumulatively had over the past 24 years. And the last one somehow knew that it was the last one. I could just not have taken any more of it.

# Like a cool dude I decided to not carry the extra weight of a hair brush. That made me realise that my hair isn't after all so short.

# After the first two days, my colleague and I had become completely oblivious of the way we looked. It felt less of an official trip and more of a backpacking tour across the region. The same shoes, socks, coat, cap, neck warmer, gloves, and the self... without any accessories, basic kajal, or any other form of formality, we just trudged along - town to town, hotel to hotel.

# I am not a heater/hot water bottle person. At all. I just need my multiple layers of blankets in place.

# The region offers very good food.

# Airtel acts very idiotic through most part of the region. I had to dial every number at least 4-5 times before connecting through.

# Most natives' looks were deceiving vis-a-vis their age. They all looked unbelievably younger than what they really were.

# I saw lemons that were 10 times the size of what we get in our cities.

# Got blessings I did not expect, got compliments I did not expect, and had a trip more awesome than I expected.

Reflections

Dreams come to you in sleep. Rather, when you stare wide into infinity. But the realisation of them takes time. It takes patience. It takes courage. It takes facing a whole lot of people who hate your guts. And it takes the kind of strength you didn't know you have.

It calls for smiling when you hate everything around you. It calls for waking up every morning in spite of thinking the previous night that you might just die in sleep. And you know what else? Knowing that it is just the beginning.

These are thoughts that I imagined about today a few months back. Now these words sound a little extreme to me, but I still want to register them for all those days that I spent struggling to stay above the line. I want to not forget the time when people made me abhor people, and the concepts of trust, expectations, and belief.

Surely this was also the time when some other people stood by. And that is why I say, 'my faith keeps me going'.

Buried Alive

You might have got the sweet smell conferred upon you by my default system, but you are the most bitter fragment of my youth. Has anyone ever told you how stupid you are?

Randomised

In these days of bearing a dead mind, I recently spared a thought for the zillions thoughts I have expressed on this blog. How with each passing year they have probably matured. At least in my head they did. And how with each passing year, the devils started sticking closer to me and my mind.

I think it was the initial days of grad college when I pondered over the seven sins and thought to myself that I do not indulge in any of them. No, I was not arrogant back then. Today, what, 5-6 years down the line, I have experienced them all. To top it, I am cynical too. But what is troubling me tonight is the constant conflict that the mind has to fight because of the situations life throws at you. Here's a petty one for instance. Earlier I was more open about expressing myself here. Even the not-so-happy thoughts made it here. Some people say it isn't good to register unpleasant thoughts because not only does it invite unwanted sympathy, it also gives you the opportunity to go back to those thoughts on a later date when you don't need them. But my take on doing so in a public space is that while you do pen those thoughts, you word them carefully enough to even look at them positively on that later date that people are concerned about. My private blog is a good comparative study for me, personally. It is so dark that sometimes I dread re-reading any of the stuff there. At the same time, there are probably five times more depressing events/thoughts that I have written about here, and they are so much easier to handle today. Only because I have maintained enough caution to know that I am penning history publicly here. :)

However, from being a naive and trusting, silly girl, I have grown to be a cynical woman with twisted thoughts that I have no control over. These thoughts also let me be indifferent towards a lot of unbelievable crap that people often get me involved in. Involved in a way that they do not even care to realise. Or explain. And if not indifference, at least I do not let me lose my mind over people who should not matter. I used to say, 'it's all about people'. Maybe it is not. Told you, cynical.

These days I do not listen to music, I do not click pictures, I do not call friends, I don't really meet any of them either. Maybe it is because of employment blues. Or an overlap of those blues with a phase that begun the day I left Pune. I am yet to find out. Even whether that is a phase or a turn that goes one-way.

I feel I am more at peace today than I was in the past one year. Certainly doing better than the blunt knife of this past February. But I am worried this peace could be silence that is killing things inside me.

The knee! I saw a different doctor and the problem finally got diagnosed. Now the wait for it to heal begins. I don't know why they just don't put a cast instead of asking me to not use it 'much'. Pff!

Anyway. I need to go for physiotherapy tomorrow morning, so I shall wrap this here and go to sleep. I don't know if this post will make sense to me tomorrow, but what the heck, the point was to not refrain from writing this time. :-)

Good night.

What the Heck!

I will go back to being numb and blah another day. Today I have six types of desserts in my refrigerator, the radio is playing my all-time favourite songs one after the other, this is my 500th post on this blog, I have decided to chop off some more hair, I have also decided to make some effort to improve my signature, AND an oldie and I made each other very happy. So, here's something that ought to be here.

Three Rs that made me happy...
Robin
It took me very long to feel comfortable around him. But it has been great getting to know him. Like I have mentioned earlier, it has been incredible working with him. More than that, it used to be fun just taaaalking all the time. And the fact that we hated each other every morning because he liked being animated first thing in the morning and I could not stand noise and bullshit at that hour now makes it funny in retrospect.

"So jaaaaa, Robin!"

Ranjan
I cannot describe what a delight it is to have this boy around! The only encouragement during terrible losses at the badminton court (:P), the happiest hugs on campus, endless animated conversations (not in the mornings), a whole lot of positivity, and the best of smiles always came from him and never ever failed to make me happier.
"Teraaaa hone laga hoon!"

Ruhi

She has taken care of me and given me space in just the right amount at all times. She used to save me food (!), keep her door open for me through the night, willingly accompany me to the city for oddest things, fill me in with a lot of SIBM gossip, and took off from the last party of the batch just to give me company on the hilltop.

The two Ss without whom I felt my life was incomplete...

Swetha

She was the brightness, the happiness, and the madness with whom I weaved a lot of unforgettable experiences.

Sahil

In his company I never realised how I changed from being who I used to be to what I am today.

***

The six desserts: Homemade firni, ras malai, homemade gulab jamun, a plum cake, a creamy chocolate cake, and chocolates. :D :D

Residential Campus II

# Sit through empty nights of silence

# Hear sobs and cries in the dark of the night from different corners of the hostel

# Watch people unwillingly eat alone

# Witness politics, backstabbing, and bitching

# Be part of the community that clings to their phone at the end of the day 'coz it equals solace

# Give up on fight against the system, fight to continue relationships, and the fight to maintain good health

# Stay logged in to Gtalk 24x7

To Sum Up...

An unplanned trip to home...

# A two-day trip turned into a two-week long trip.
# Chandni Chowk, Rajouri Garden, Kotla, Punjabi Bagh, Chawri Bazaar - the wedding cards, dhol, band, ghodi, d-day ensemble for the groom, et al - complete utilisation of my presence at home!
# I had an impossible amount of chaat on this trip!
# Did not miss the penne with vodka at Big Chill! :D
# Played a nice, colourful Holi!
# Met Saumya after about a year and a half, and it was obviously lotsa fun!
# Met Prashant after even longer, managed to check out his latest exhibition too, and it was plain, simple, nice to see him!
# Watched two not-so-good movies in one week. Still quite like Morgan Freeman and Abhay Deol though.
# Managed to get back a bit of control over my mind.
# Still haven't managed a frikkin' job.
# Clicked lotsa flowers blooming in my backyard.
# Stopped haggling with auto guys. Every journey does cost Rs 50. Period!
# Felt inflation! Silver which used to cost anywhere between Rs 350-500 has shot up to Rs 1300 and more! And this was before the announcement made in the Budget.

Had home food, slept well, and now heading back. I hope it is the last time I have to board a Pune-bound train. Never felt worse about getting onto one of those!

Boxers

When comfort comes home after a light year. And brings a smile along.

The Blunt Knife

The luxury of tears that flow,
the luxury of people who notice,
the luxury of family that books tickets for home,
and the luxury of little, material love over and above the unspoken.

Head Rush

Over the past one week of inertia, there were a zillion things-to-do that got lined up for attention. Among those, one of the most important was the stock of fruits that I had not replenished for two weeks. Yes, I am a proud buyer and consumer of expensive but happy, healthy fruits. There's this father-son miyan duo on F.C. Road that I often make the purchase from. Their USP? They give fruits in recycled paper carry-bags. Others, depending upon the location, either wrap them in newspapers or hand them over in those fancy brown paper bags. Yep, Pune is pretty serious about plastic bags. [And here I admit a good thing about the city! :D]
Anyway, let's not digress. Fruit shops make me happy. Bigger the shop, happier I am. No, not Reliance Fresh kinda bigger. The bigger, local ones that are nicely stocked are the ones that I am talking about. So I stand in the middle of all the fruits, and they call out to me hoping I'll take them home. Alas, there are only so many I can buy in one go. Moreover, my preference basket usually has room for only 3-4 categories. Soft pears and cheekus always make the cut. They make my tummy soooo happy!! :D Even though I love apples, I have stopped buying them because they make me unbelievably hungry and there is never a good time to do that to myself because I am hungry all the time any which way! :-/
So, today, along with pears and cheekus, I chose to buy a watermelon. I know having a watermelon is a family activity. And now that I am back to spending some more time with friends in the hostel, I decided in favour of the little watermelon. And then what happened! Senior miyan mentioned mangoes. I went berserk. Rs. 1600 for a box of mangoes. But before I could give him the look, he made me smell them. And I swear to god it was the best feeling I have had since the day I saw my mom, last! So I nicely asked him how much he would charge for one mango. He quoted Rs 150. With a lot of courage, I got to keeping that one mango down. He told me I could pay whatever I want to for it, but should take it along. But I suck at that kind of bargains. So I kept insisting that I cannot afford it as a student, and he kept lowering the price. I made a genuine bargain. He gave it to me for Rs 50. And I brought it home!!!! You know from which budget I paid for it? The one I had for the flowers I was waiting to buy for myself post the V-Day madness. But this time I happily gave up on them. Mango!!!
While having it I could smell all the summer afternoons spent at home. Thank god my mom, dad, and bro never used to be home. Today I didn't feel weird eating alone thanks to the training I got at home.

The happiness Fs of my life help keep that one degree of sanity that I can positively claim.
Family
Friends
Fuchsia
Flickr
Flowers and
Fruits

I remembered that my initial months here were very comfortable. I was detached, sane, and sorted. I stayed happy. And then lots of Fs of lots of factors effed my happiness. Of course, I will be taking full responsibility for all of them. Don't worry, I am not blaming you.
But I liked being sane, man! I liked not giving a fuck about getting too close to people. Doing it one-hundred-percent sucks! And letting them in in your zone sucks more.

Oh, by the way, remember my superhot boss from WWW? He is marrying the girl he was dating in office. I saw their pictures on Facebook and started smiling along just watching their smiles! I hope they stay blessed.

Now I will go. Just had to talk about the mango. :D


P.S. - Photography also begins with an F!

Who's the Judge?

I go through phases of liking, disliking, and back to liking the same people. Some people think that the disliking comes because I'm judgmental. So now I am wondering if being judgmental is also a subjective thing because I like to believe that I don't indulge in that. This thing that I am mentioning about people finding me to be judgmental are things that I don't like/cannot appreciate in another person. Trivial things. Or work-related things. I don't judge them for 'moral relativism'. I am nobody to even comment on something related to the 'morals' domain.

The disliking could come out of something as simple as spending way too much time with that person in question.

I have an example. If you are somebody I know purely out of your existence in the same physical environment as me, and not because of any friendship or even mere acquaintance, and you happen to have an annoying way of talking... I will find it annoying and maybe steer clear of you if you anyway seem to be talking of things that do not interest me.
But then if you are the lady who came to teach us HR this term, I would not deny that you had the world's most painful voice. However, at the same time, she was brilliant on content! She used to take day-long sessions with us and there was genuine value-add in those classes. But there were fuckers who wouldn't go beyond her voice, and managed to get her off the faculty list for the subject. Now, them, I judge! And why not! Why won't you judge stupidity?

So how do you define the word judgmental?


Oh, and some friends say that my first impression is that of a woman who is totally judging you for everything that you are saying or doing. I am not sure if it is meant to be a positive or a negative thing.

Standards

It's incredible how people expect others to be proper, but jump to obscenity at the first opportunity they get! And then they say that they know how to handle situations. Truth is that they do not even look the other way to see what is happening. Sure, obscenity also has layers. It is always offfensive, but when it is relative in nature it is more mucky. And I do not understand why people don't get it. I may have indulged in it at some point too, and I am genuinely sorry if I did it because the point remains that it sucks.