Embarrassingly Rhymed

A moment, a day, a year

a cold evening and a hot tear

spent hoping against hope

that some day you will be near.

A Year of Lessons

I forgot to mention in the previous post that I also saw the full moon's light making the serene waters at Bhimtal glitter, bidding me the happiest good-bye.

And now for the Fuchsia (self-proclaimed) legend - my year wrap-up post.

# The year had begun with a spill-over from last year-end's awesome trip to the best of beaches

# I had also resolved to travel every month

# I watched my first 3D movie. And an animated one at that.

# Went through two longish phases of depression

# Went crazy over not taking up the job that I did not want

# Spent a lot of time with my first cousins

# In the Exploring Delhi chapter, I visited the phool mandi at CP and Ugrasen ki Baoli

# Went on a rural marketing trip to a village near Pune. Tasted anjeers off a farm in the middle of all brand-related matters

# Bhaiya got married

# Spent a lot of energy getting accustomed to the presence of a new member in the family

# Danced with a bartender at a party

# Drove to Panchgani with friends and sat in the dark for several hours just waiting to see a perfect sunrise

# Liked almost all new alcoholic drinks that I tried this year, and developed a dislike for the Old Monk that gave a lot of memories the previous year

# Just for the record, I love Jack Daniels. And I love green apple martinis. And an advice that you are free to take - please don't make LIITs if you don't know how to make them.

# I am still not over the tequila shots happiness :D

# I went tripling on a motorcycle

# I also rode pillion on a bike on two cold nights

# Totally fell in love with Marks & Spencer

# Made a road trip to Amritsar

# In my list of temples this year

- Golden Temple

- Dandeshwar

- Jageshwar

- Golu Devta Temple

- Sun Temple

# Got a root canal treatment and multiple cavities filled

# I still love meetha!

# I went back to driving. And again did not get my license. I think I should write 'went back to practicing driving'.

# Got involved in a project I liked in a way that could not have been more unorganised

# Ruined my knee

# Fractured a foot

# Still living with dysfunctional legs

# Got two worth-absolutely-every-penny-spent amazing hairdos

# Watched a lot of movies, ate at a lot of new places

# Experimented with food (in all caps).

# Had the coldest birthday ever

# Experienced the challenges of a job hunt

# Wrote the most desperate email of my life

# Went for a few events at the Commonwealth Games in Delhi and felt supercool doing that :P

# Missed two close friends' weddings

# Saw first-hand what five stars are like and really did not get impressed. I appreciate the efficiency of smaller places a lot more.

# Had a friend bring me white roses during one of my many illnesses

# Started meeting directors and CEOs of organisations and also started finding the process quite hollow

# Went back to Pune and to that campus that I did not think I will ever turn back to.

# The feelings that ran through me during my last few hours on that campus will probably go with me to my pyre

# Bonded with a stranger through a night and felt like I could spend the rest of my life with him. I was drunk.

# People I sanely wanted to keep for life decided otherwise.

# Heard Jagjit Singh live

# Made my long trip to the Himalayas and did a year's worth of new things

# Had many degrees of strength derived from my immediate and extended family

# Realised for sure that I am a strong person in spite of the love for vulnerability.

The Winter Trip to Kumaon

Continuing from where I left, I was on a very tight seven-day road trip on the following route.

Delhi>Bilaspur>Rudrapur>Nainital>Sitla>Mukteshwar>Almora>Patal Devi>Kasar Devi>Chitai>Jageshwar>Almora>Kasar Devi>Kausani>Mohlidhar>Ranikhet>Kathgodam>Delhi

So while I was working, the little and the lot that I experienced and managed to absorb (cannot claim to explore at all) would be the following.

# Sitting in the front seat can help avoid a lot of winding-roads-motion-sickness.

# Sitting in the front can be very taxing for your otherwise overworked brain if the driver wants to talk non-stop in order to keep himself awake.

# I can love the smell of freshly sanitized hotel rooms. And then suddenly hate them.

# More cities growing the Rudrapur or Almora way will really ruin our country.

# I love the defence forces. I just do. And I love how they maintain the places they live in. Ranikhet being the case in point.

# Sitla is a cold place. Very very cold place.

# The 50 km aerial distance between Kausani and the Himalyan peaks does not feel good. The force wants you to be on the other side. But that is also a cold place. Very very cold place. Especially if you are doing sunrise/sunset photo shoots.

# I met at least 10 new people and covered the previous 11 months' deficit of that in my life.

# The new things I saw/did: eat methi ka laddoo, bhatt ke dubke, maduey ki roti, and bal mithai, have fresh cow's milk, stand in a smelly cold storage, live in a building built in 1880, get overwhelmed by the artificialness of floriculture, watch the process of flower tissue culture, trek an unbelievable amount with my half dysfunctional legs, visit the Sun Temple at Katarmal, the Golu Devta Temple at Chitai, get the stories of both, meet some people who are doing some absolutely brilliant work in the region, understand that the thousands of pine trees are just ruining the ecology of the region, that kiwis are now being grown indigenously, learn about the art called aipan, see-touch-step on-and-freeze thanks to frost, among many other things.

# Gods were nice enough to keep the weather sunny through our entire trip. But I still know now what a solar eclipse apparently feels like.

# I had a bold ice cream in Nainital. And I had a bolder ice cream in colder Ranikhet. :D

# I had more tea in those seven days than I had cumulatively had over the past 24 years. And the last one somehow knew that it was the last one. I could just not have taken any more of it.

# Like a cool dude I decided to not carry the extra weight of a hair brush. That made me realise that my hair isn't after all so short.

# After the first two days, my colleague and I had become completely oblivious of the way we looked. It felt less of an official trip and more of a backpacking tour across the region. The same shoes, socks, coat, cap, neck warmer, gloves, and the self... without any accessories, basic kajal, or any other form of formality, we just trudged along - town to town, hotel to hotel.

# I am not a heater/hot water bottle person. At all. I just need my multiple layers of blankets in place.

# The region offers very good food.

# Airtel acts very idiotic through most part of the region. I had to dial every number at least 4-5 times before connecting through.

# Most natives' looks were deceiving vis-a-vis their age. They all looked unbelievably younger than what they really were.

# I saw lemons that were 10 times the size of what we get in our cities.

# Got blessings I did not expect, got compliments I did not expect, and had a trip more awesome than I expected.

Four Years Later

After much contemplation, I went to Pune this past weekend for my convocation ceremony. And well, I did everything except get the degree. Don't ask why. It should suffice to know that systems fail in a lot of places.

I flew via Bombay and experienced the city at leisure for the first time. Had always rushed there - be it for flights or interviews. Robin took me to a place called Candies. A nice place, except that I could not help but notice the number of stairs I had to climb.

The evening in Pune was split between Sheesha and Stone Water Grill. Both these places are quite popular with the locals, but I could never get myself to like Sheesha. Starting with the name, it's all too ordinary and less. But Stone Water Grill I enjoyed. Did the much overdue tequila shots and danced till my foot could not handle more. The highlight was a routine with some Korean guys with a robot dance. You really had to be there to know how much fun that was because it was really really fun!! :D

Met a few people that I was looking forward to see, and looked through some whom I really do not give a damn about.

About the new hairdo, from rockstar to power corporate to school boy to downright uncool, I got all sorts of comments. Attention is always good. And you know which comment I loved the most. :D

And a stranger got curious about how I look with longer hair. ;-)

I was glad to half-strip at the Delhi airport security check because of the metal round my leg, and Mumbai airport security I wanted to slap someone for the non-sense they put me through. :-/

---

I am now off to Uttarakhand for a week. Covering almost the entire Kumaon area for an official project. Super excited!

---

Now I do not even care about getting pictures clicked with people who are important. Not sure if that is because they are not important enough any more or if it really does not affect me any more. But I have definitely come a long long way from the time when I obsessed about these things.

I will hopefully click some pictures over the next week though.

I'll do the new year post once I am back. Looking forward to the reflection hour. :-)

For now, ta!

Leave of Absence

For 18 hour work days

For a stay at the world's crappiest five star

For life's shortest hair crop

For the dive that feels like a whirlpool

For befriending cabbies

For planning a trip I didn't think I would

And for digging another grave for some more love.

Why Today Was a Good Day

1. I got unexpected, indirect compliments. It was nice.

2. I stepped out of office for 10 minutes during the day, and the weather made me very very happy. The chilly air has endorphins in it. (And this stupid americanised english does not identify endorphins as a word. Bleh!)

3. One of my interns got me a chocolate. Not because I made her particularly happy, but simply because she refused to take the money I was giving her while she was going on a break. :D Actually she was just thankful that I let her go on a break. :D :D

4. The same intern asked me how I knew that this is what I wanted to do. And that's when I realised that I had crossed over. Cannot describe the feeling.

Off Limits

Vulnerable men... tch!

Gulbandh

My idea of time has become a little distorted over the past few days. If once I feel that a whole week just hopped past, another time I feel like the first half of a day was really really long ago. Life is nice and busy. The toxins are at a minimum. And I am counting down for my foot's cast to come off now.

The other day I looked at people walking, standing, running at a metro station and they all seemed to have an alien power that I no more seem to have. My knee has only gotten worse because of chikungunya and the pressure it had to take because of this fracture. I almost feel that it will never get better again. Especially because I am not doing anything about it these days.

I have also never felt as unsure of my capabilities as I do today because the level at, and environment in, which I am expected to function is demanding in a way that I didn't imagine it to be. But I am hoping that this experience will also deliver gains with similar exponents.

I was not expecting the weekend to be a weekend. So, to steal a Friday night out and have a relatively relaxed Saturday feels even better than it otherwise would have. Now all that I really need is a nice roadtrip to some place nice and my life would be complete. :D

The Romantic Life

So it rained in NCR today. Some people found the weather to be gloomy. But I loved it. It's the onset of winter!

Then later a different conversation started with a colleague about how picturesque the Pune campus was. And then the thought triggered. About how spending 13 years in the most awesome school, or graduating from the north campus of Delhi University, and living on a hilltop for two years seem oh-so-perfect in retrospect.*

To have had some really amazing men in your list of failed relationships, a very adventurous list of health-related experiences, and the whole process of getting to this 24-point-something moment in life has been very exciting.

I suddenly feel I have been living The Romantic Life all these years, and I am glad that it is a smile-inducing thought at the end of a very tiring day.

*Deleted a happy line about the present. You know which word to insert. :-/

The Sea's Depth

It does not feel good to see a lot of people not appreciate affection, interpret true love, or commit unconditionally. I hope they get whatever it is that they are seeking.

Phew!

I don't think I have been this anxious/tense about anything in the past three years. Maybe even longer. The present is reminding me of board exams and all those life-threatening economics papers. I mean, I feel the need for Mom to sit with me even if she is not contributing to what I am doing. This is really deja vu! The scary one.

Alive, Alive!

It's pressure like never before.

It's learning like never before.

The emotions front..

For a reason, for a reason, for a reason....

Run, Lola, Run!!

So, I'm doing everything from devising media accreditation policies to handling massive databases. From brainstorming for creative material to having my boss scare the shit out of me. Still extremely uncomfortable with the insane amount of work and anxiety, but I am pretty sure I am liking it.

New Rule Adopted*

I think I would have had a breakdown if this evening had come before this job did; I would thus not have been able to write about faith in the previous post. The fourth fracture that evens out the plaster balance of both feet.

*Never ever to take stairs again. Anywhere in the world. Even if my heart stops beating in a rickety elevator.

Reflections

Dreams come to you in sleep. Rather, when you stare wide into infinity. But the realisation of them takes time. It takes patience. It takes courage. It takes facing a whole lot of people who hate your guts. And it takes the kind of strength you didn't know you have.

It calls for smiling when you hate everything around you. It calls for waking up every morning in spite of thinking the previous night that you might just die in sleep. And you know what else? Knowing that it is just the beginning.

These are thoughts that I imagined about today a few months back. Now these words sound a little extreme to me, but I still want to register them for all those days that I spent struggling to stay above the line. I want to not forget the time when people made me abhor people, and the concepts of trust, expectations, and belief.

Surely this was also the time when some other people stood by. And that is why I say, 'my faith keeps me going'.

Definition of Good Friday

I waited for the 'right' job for more than 10 months. But when it came along, it did so in a snap. All the things that did not work out have left me very unsure about how 'right' this one really is, but logic and sense say that it is. And for now we are leaving it at that.

So, this Friday I went in for induction and a meeting. It was a rather important meeting and I felt great being a part of it. I was not expecting day 1 to bring anything spectacular with it, so it felt even cooler just being there in the moment.

The awesomeness of the day continued with managing a seat on the metro on my way back. My iPod also saw light of day after really long. It had the old playlist in it which brought back a lot of memories from Pune, both good and not-so-good, but it was nice feeling that music again.

I came home and made a number of phone calls to the people who helped during the struggle. The highlight was talking to my grandparents. All four of them. Making them happy is an overwhelming feeling. Every single time.

Then I connected with a few cousins, and next thing we knew.. it was 1:30 am, and four of us were driving out for some official celebration! Things like these do not happen with me in Delhi. Neither for the two other girls with me. We had to make up a few stories, bring in a few confidantes, and the mood got rolling!

We first went to Cibo at Janpath. Apparently it is one of the better places to party these days. But what we saw when we went in was the last thing we'd have expected to see. There was a big group of surds dancing to hardcore punjabi music. The kind that is easily detestable. But we decided to stick around for a while because things were slightly bearable thanks to the punju connection. More so because it was too late to think of going some place else. We drank. We danced. And in the end, when the DJ played corny Bollywood tracks, we were happy too. :)

It was around 3:00 am when we left from there. Nidhi thought we should look for food now. Samridhi and I felt we should look to move home now. But Agneesh felt we should try to get into Agnee at The Park for some extended fun. Especially because the scene at Cibo wasn't particularly what we had set out for. And the moment we entered Agnee the past hour felt like such a waste! The music was great, the ambience was good, and there weren't any shady surds dancing with a glowing mobile phone set in their belt. We danced like crazy for the next one hour. I know I for sure was having the time of my life. Definite glances from two cute guys made it even more entertaining. :D

We left from there around 4:15 am. First we were to drop Nidhi and Samridhi back. I act responsibly 9.9 out of 10 times, so it was tooooo much fun speeding and singing out loud in chorus (no, the windows were not rolled down), on empty roads.

After that we quietly left my brother's car back at my place, picked Agneesh's bike, and moved to his place. So, just as I thought that I had had the perfect few minutes on the road, the 5:00 am cold air hit me hard on my face!

Yes, Delhi is festive again. And I do not feel left out.

Would not have been possible to move out had he not come over to congratulate! :)

PS - I do NOT like beer. Yes, I have tried those fancy brands too. :

All Yours.

• A friend of 14 years is getting married.
• A friend with whom I once shared the concept of soulmate is getting married.
• A friend decided to get married but unfortunately the relationship ended right after she got engaged.
• A friend/classmate from a few years ago is also getting married.
• And so is another close friend.

It is not like I do not have friends who are already married. But they are all older than me. These are people my age. Women my age.

When I was younger, I used to think 24 is the perfect age for a girl like me to get married. These are all girls like me. But as you may have guessed, my thoughts have changed a tad bit. And I am under an unspoken pressure. Of a different kind.

First of all, today, I do not know a guy I would like to marry. I can force* myself to imagine maybe, but then I don't think he would be imagining as vividly as I would. Secondly, professionally, I am far from settled enough to think about getting married. And thirdly, unlike the situation that most of my female friends find themselves in, I have a strange pressure from extended family and relatives. Even from my dad. I am expected to be VP of an organisation or live & own property in Manhattan before I think about things like marriage. They get the idea from most of my female cousins. The average age at which they got married is 30. So in a way, maybe it's a good thing I am not dating anyone right now because if I went to my parents with the idea of a marriage, I would have to stamp the big L on my forehead myself.

Now, about my thoughts. You know that I want to be VP of an organisation by the time I am 30. There is no doubt about that. And I will get there. Almost beside the point. The point here is that I don't want to be single when that happens. Of course, going by how things move in life, I know I have no control over how life will unfold in the next six years. But this is my perfect world we are talking about tonight.

Some of you whom I may have befriended in the last 2-3 years may not know the romantic in me. You may have even heard me say that I am not romantic. I am aware of times I have said so on this blog too. There are many reasons, incidents, people that make me do that, but yes, I do not like admitting that I too imagine and visualise the perfect world. I may not fancy a typical knight in shining armour or a going-down-on-his-knees scene, or even a desi version of it, but let's just say there isn't no reason why I obsess about things like flowers so much. However, I am good with the pretence. Even that friend of 14 years believes I am more practical than anything else. Sometimes I wish at least there was someone who knew what I really thought. Although I guess that's asking for too much. And... I like being practical too. So what I really wish for is someone who knew when I like being romantic and when I like the practical me to take over.

And then there are these words that echo in my head everytime I let my mind drift in this direction. There was a man who was known to be extremely obnoxious by most people around him. I was one of them. But he had once said that as we grow older, our insecurities, skepticism, and things we are rigid about only increase. And that in turn is not a good thing for a woman who may have to 'adjust' to a lot of things when getting married. And as dry as that sounds to the rebels in us, I personally feel there's truth to it. What adds to my insecurities is the fact that I know as I am growing older, my cynicism and extreme opinions are going off limits. So while I do not want to get married tomorrow morning, I think I will have too much baggage to handle as years pass by. And Subhadip's 'selective progeria' never ceases to haunt every empty moment of my life.

For now, the good thing is that I already have a lot of wedding-y clothes. And I am ready to partayy!! :D

PS - If you are a guy freaking out because of these things that I am saying, I will let you stereotype the moment. But in case you want to date me, why don't you connect with me! :D

*Now you know I do not need to force myself. Some thoughts flow more smoothly because there is no sense to them.

When CWG & Cheese Made My Sunday!

When you have a crappy day, life does give you a good day too. I have had crappy 10 months and cannot wait to begin my awesome 10 either. For now, let me just give you an account of the one good day that I had after a super-sucky Saturday.

After some decent sleep after several days, I woke up around noon this Sunday to be ready in time for my lunch appointment with Ridhima and Swetha. The two women I literally lived with for the past two years. I was seeing them after six months. I am tired of saying that time flies, but yes, it does.

So, CP, the central place was inaccessible and kinda closed because of the CWG cycling event and we had to find another location to meet. I forgot that I had sworn to not visit the Rajouri malls on a Sunday and agreed to meet them there for lunch. I then waded through to the West Gate Mall to see them at TGIF. I don't know why, but I had never visited that restaurant earlier and had an impression that it has good ambience. Well, that wasn't true but the food certainly did not disappoint.

It was good to see the girls after so long. We talked, and could have gone on for the rest of the day, but I had more plans for the evening. But before leaving, I did shop for a rather smart sweater with them. :D

Ridhima and I took the same train towards CP. She was going home, and I was headed towards the Jawahar Lal Nehru Stadium. We boarded the women's coach, a first for me. It felt a little odd, but was certainly more comfortable than the rest of the train. While I did not get space to sit, at least I got to stand in peace. Then I switched the train at CP, and then at Central Secretariat. At C. Sec, there seemed to be no directions near the platforms regarding how to make the switch. It took me a while and a few more clueless people to figure that I should move one level up if I want any information at all. I finally saw the new platform and got shoved into the train thanks to the maddening crowd. It seemed like the whole world was going to the same stadium to watch the same event. And I was not wrong. The stadium with a capacity of 60,000 was almost full. Most people used the Metro to get there. I do not want to criticise, but the well-managed venue missed the metal around my leg. The Metro guys had missed it too today. Yep, loopholes.

The packed stadium

I was there to watch some athletics with two of my cousins. While we were walking in to find a place to sit, the noise was unbelievable. Of course, had to be an Indian doing well. At discus throw this time. The sport might not be exciting, but with that kind of numbers cheering together, everything becomes exciting.

With Daksh, Bhrigu and our make-do phone camera

There were many events running simultaneously. India was doing well in men's discus throw, and women's long jump. We got a silver in both. But the loudest cheering happened for Tintu Luka who won an 800 m race. It was one of the heats, but her margin was supercool!

Men's 400m hurdles

Women's 200m final

Parasports

A very rare but heartening sight. The picture is blurred, but people stood for every nation's anthem every single time.

We were there till around 8:30 pm. We kept hoping for a chance to hear our own anthem, and long jump did seem promising for a gold until almost the last jump, but we were not in luck. So we decided to move for dinner. This time at Flavors in Defence Colony. That's another place which never disappoints with its food. Nice, authentic-ish, Italian stuff. And for the perfect end, we shared a perfect chocolate mousse.

Blurred long jump in action :)

These last two pictures are from Friday's weightlifting event that I had managed to attend with Daksh again.

A day well spent.

Feet Don't Lie

Red nailpaint on toenails is more than colour or fashion. In fact, it is way beyond a statement too. It is a personality type. As a result, very few women can pull it off. Half of them do not realise that you could have well-pedicured feet but they are not a sufficient condition for red nailpaint to look good on you. But the thing is, they certainly are a necessary condition. You could feel you are ready to take that step, but not unless you have those pretty feet! And I could keep my feet as clean as possible, but they would never become the white that they should be for red to not look bad. And that is another way of saying that I could think to myself that I am that personality type now, but my feet won't lie.

Buy Me A Barbie

I was once the immunotherapy superhero of this blog. Decoding that would mean that I had had over 60 injections poked in me over a period of six months.

But not just for that procedure, all my life I never feared needles one bit. Alas, not any more. I acted like a sissy for a stupid blood test. What a shame!

Timeline

Day before, I felt like life was finally moving.

Yesterday, I was dead in a daze.

Today, I am in denial.

Tomorrow... let's bet some money! :D

I must add that even though I do not feel better yet, the doctor says that my knee is better than what it was a month ago. Apparently, some effusion that was there earlier isn't there now. :-)

Dance classes and Himalayas, I am coming!

Karma

You might be stupid, but I see the big picture now. So I guess it's ok.

The painful knee

So I am officially fucked out of my mind with doctors whose opinions about one thing vary like that of politicians. I folded my leg after one light year yesterday and it hurt like a bitch. But what am I to do about it anyway! 21st century is to be blamed! Nobody did me any favours for being a brahmin, but I do get life gyaan in sanskrit for being a brahmin! I could growl and bite right now!

I think a good option would be to take a poll here on the blog itself. If you think the knee needs surgery, say so. And if you think it is nothing but a fuckin' figment of my imagination which needs a workout in the gym, let me hear you out too.

And in case you work at Google, tell the damn people that Chrome does not let me publish my posts in small fonts!

Grrrrr!

Lifestyle Woes

The green wallpaper of my phone stares back,

my purple pyjamas do too.

Blue Gmail inbox stares back,

and the white ceilings do so too.

The peace factor is only the colours.

25

I turned 24 today. It was the quietest birthday so far. It was slower than the 21st, which then seemed like the slowest it could get. I kept the tradition of crying in the 48-hour window before the birthday gets over. But it was birthday at home after three years, so I am not complaining.

This post, for a change, is not about what I did on my birthday. It is about the 25 things I want to do in the next one year. Let's begin!

1. Of course, get that job!

2. Get the knee fixed

3. Visit the Taj Mahal

4. Make one long trip to the Himalayas

5. Make another long trip to Rajasthan in the winters

6. Buy a car

7. Help Mom redo the house

8. Pick up a new hobby

9. Learn a new language, Spanish maybe

10. Catch one of Ustad Zakir Hussain's concerts

11. Find an occasion to wear that black dress

12. Burn up the past for good

13. Clear my debt

14. Actively participate in at least one initiative of Blank Noise's

15. Invest in silk, silver, and a lot of white! :D

16. Try quitting consumption of bread

17. Try about three different hairdos

18. Make the line clearer

19. Get a hot new frame for my spectacles too

20. Barring that dress, get rid of all black coloured things in my life

21. Cut down on unnecessary loyalties

22. Spend less time online

23. Start reading again

24. Take dance classes

25. Let it be.

This isn't very me. I do not generally like talking about the future like this. But I thought if there's so much that has been different this time, why not an uncharacteristic post! :-)

Buried Alive

You might have got the sweet smell conferred upon you by my default system, but you are the most bitter fragment of my youth. Has anyone ever told you how stupid you are?

Screw what others think!

I need to cut down on the 'hmm' moments in life. 'Yes' and 'no' leave you in a much better position. In almost all contexts. 'Hmm' with an ellipsis, 'hmm' with a question mark, the I'm-wondering-what-to-do/say 'hmm', the I-don't-agree-with-you 'hmm', and all the other 'hmmmms' just suck! Oh, this one with the extra 'm's is the worst.

Haha.. this day turned out to be the exclusive M day. :D

Itchy

So a friend retweeted what another batchmate from SRCC tweeted about. He mentioned, among other things, that the use of letter M in economics is for 'income'. From whatever little I could recall (and also considering that I do still use a lot of such abbreviations), I thought it was Y for income. And I responded with my thought. She replied saying that the Keynesian school used M, as in the savings-income model. I thought she was talking about the IS-LM model and agreed that it's M, not Y. And then I remembered our ol' man, Hicks. And a whole lot of other monetarists who use M for income. Keynes, on the other hand, used M for imports. Y=C+G+..... (X-M). And I haven't been able to breathe since then.

HAD to get it out of my system. Didn't tweet back fearing I might come across as too weird. I am sure this post does not prove otherwise either. Even so. :P

And that friend is probably reading this post too. :D

Words That Turn Me On

I do not know if it happens with you, but some words always make me feel good in a strange way. They do not necessarily have to have a relevant context. Maybe it is just the way they sound, or maybe it is some scientific sub-conscious connect. I don't know. All I know is that some words make me happy. Yes, that can also happen. :-)

Here's a list of a few of them, in no particular order.

Economics

Corporate

Single

London

Establish

Humour

Travel

Class

India

Air-force

Power

Running

Quality

Why don't you share some of yours if you know what I am talking about. :-)

The Peepli Weekend

This was a long weekend. Mostly nice. On Thursday, I got the mind-numbingly expensive knee support that the latest doctor prescribed. It is my last hope to save the surgery. It helps me walk. Almost as much as I want to. So, on Friday afternoon I set out for a shopping bonanza to test it. Not only could I walk, I could walk fast (just the way I like to), and I was on my feet for close to two hours. This injury has been one of the many humbling experiences of the recent past.

I bought things that excite me most after silver jewellery. Bags!! Yes, plural. You can consider it a lottery. Moreover, the peace that doing such things alone gives evens out the madness. Therefore the word 'bonanza'. :D

The evening had a Teej-related dinner at someone's place. Highlight of the rather annoying gathering was the fact that an absolutely unrelated oldie located far, far away from here sent me personalised blessings. Felt good.

On Saturday morning I spotted a hot-looking guy at the hospital. Perks of an injury which takes you to places visited by fit people who play sports and get injured too. :P

I got home to learn that family had booked tickets for Peepli Live. What a movie! Beautifully made, edited with precision, awesome details, and a wonderful take on the horrible situation in the country. And of course, God bless Indian Ocean! Never thought Des Mera could also take such a filmi turn.

Saturday also saw my hair looking so killer(!) that I fell in love with it all over again.

On Sunday, Independence Day, I decided to hear what that prime minister had to say to us. It had been several years since I either watched the Red Fort programme or heard anyone give speeches the way it happened in school. It was so unfortunate to listen to the uninspiring Dr. Manmohan Singh use words that were literally used by Hindi teachers back in standard 5th. I say this because the nation is also in not too different a state since 1995 (on several levels). His speech was defensive for crying out loud! It was politics, not nation-building. Previous night's Peepli was flashing in my head as I heard him go on about one yojna after the other. Nonetheless, I still celebrated independence with extended family through rest of the day. Good food, long drive, bowling, camera flashes, and some smiles. :-)

I had followed the first three seasons of Indian Idol and always thought that a singer better than the winner got left out. But justice happened in Indian Idol 5. I am glad. :)

I expect the next one to be The Freedom Weekend. Hope to tell you why.

I Want New Clothes

I have lost count of the number of movies I have watched alone at a theatre. While it is no big deal for a lot of people who do the same, it sounds odd to those who have never thought of it as an option. The reason why I am writing about it here is that I 'inspired' two people to do this routine over the past ten days. :D Yes, we must applaud for Ranjan Atreya and Nidhi Bhardwaj. *whistles*

The irony though is that Inception and Aisha - the movies they watched - are still on my to-watch list. Before you judge me for mentioning the two movies in the same breath, I want to tell you... I know. I do. So, don't bother. :)

And I will assure you right here that I won't go for that 'We are Family' shit. I won't ruin my birthday.

I watched Wake up Sid on television today. I like Konkana Sen Sharma. And I like Ranbir Kapoor. And I oh-so-like Rahul Khanna. When the movie released people told me not to waste money on it and I listened to them. But I kinda liked the movie. Maybe because I did not pay for it, but it was a decent evening spent. Especially liked the bit where Aisha is made to realise that the real her deviates from the perception she had of herself. Nothing ground-breaking, but the fact that it was so real a feeling had a genuine connect.

I had a crush on Nagesh Kukunoor once. And not just because he makes good movies. But I am wondering why he has made this wannabe-looking movie with John Abraham in it. Do you know why?

House arrest for multiple reasons is worse than house arrest for a single reason. I feel I am losing out on too much in life these days. So much so that I might just fail at making that year-end list of new things I do every year. I used to joke that among all the firsts, 'my first surgery' would be for the back. Guess I was wrong. This is naaaauuut fun.

On another note, I wonder what is it with men exposing their vulnerability and me getting attracted instantly. From experience I say that it is a very dangerous zone to play in. But what fun are insensitive, closed guys? The funny thing though is that these insensitive guys have a way of exposing their vulnerability. And that one's even more attractive. Gah!

The last few years made me feel that it was okay to be a bitch. I was wrong. I now know because life is being a bitch and I am not liking it. However, since it is hard to change now, I can put it differently. It is more fun when you have another bitch to share things with. Life's a good friend. *pukes*

Aandhi ke Beech

For me, everything comes to a stop each time this song plays. Lata, Kishore, and Gulzar created magic when they came together for this one.

Dot of Happiness

I love my blog. I love me. I love the world. I love travelling. I love my blog.

I love my past. I love (I know I will) the future. I love music. I love dancing. I love my blog.

I love photography. I love winters. I love beaches. I love colours. I love my blog.

I love obsessing. I love my blog.

:D :D :D

Jobless

This blog is 3.5 years old and I have 1360 Fuchsia comments archived in my Gmail.

Whereas my old blog, which did not even live 1.5 years, has 1479 archived comments.

Now I do remember that I used to blog like a maniac back then, but this is not possible.

Ah! Got it. In 2005-06, Google did not club comments posted on one day into one chain mail, like it does now. Maybe because Blogger was not a Google product back then. Or was it? I will check that later. For now I know that 1360 is not the number of comments, but a count of total Fuchsia-related mails. And don't worry, even though I am jobless, I will not get down to counting the total comments. :P

Edited later

Blogger was bought out in 2003. Ok, then it is just a technological sophistication we are talking about. :P

Randomised

In these days of bearing a dead mind, I recently spared a thought for the zillions thoughts I have expressed on this blog. How with each passing year they have probably matured. At least in my head they did. And how with each passing year, the devils started sticking closer to me and my mind.

I think it was the initial days of grad college when I pondered over the seven sins and thought to myself that I do not indulge in any of them. No, I was not arrogant back then. Today, what, 5-6 years down the line, I have experienced them all. To top it, I am cynical too. But what is troubling me tonight is the constant conflict that the mind has to fight because of the situations life throws at you. Here's a petty one for instance. Earlier I was more open about expressing myself here. Even the not-so-happy thoughts made it here. Some people say it isn't good to register unpleasant thoughts because not only does it invite unwanted sympathy, it also gives you the opportunity to go back to those thoughts on a later date when you don't need them. But my take on doing so in a public space is that while you do pen those thoughts, you word them carefully enough to even look at them positively on that later date that people are concerned about. My private blog is a good comparative study for me, personally. It is so dark that sometimes I dread re-reading any of the stuff there. At the same time, there are probably five times more depressing events/thoughts that I have written about here, and they are so much easier to handle today. Only because I have maintained enough caution to know that I am penning history publicly here. :)

However, from being a naive and trusting, silly girl, I have grown to be a cynical woman with twisted thoughts that I have no control over. These thoughts also let me be indifferent towards a lot of unbelievable crap that people often get me involved in. Involved in a way that they do not even care to realise. Or explain. And if not indifference, at least I do not let me lose my mind over people who should not matter. I used to say, 'it's all about people'. Maybe it is not. Told you, cynical.

These days I do not listen to music, I do not click pictures, I do not call friends, I don't really meet any of them either. Maybe it is because of employment blues. Or an overlap of those blues with a phase that begun the day I left Pune. I am yet to find out. Even whether that is a phase or a turn that goes one-way.

I feel I am more at peace today than I was in the past one year. Certainly doing better than the blunt knife of this past February. But I am worried this peace could be silence that is killing things inside me.

The knee! I saw a different doctor and the problem finally got diagnosed. Now the wait for it to heal begins. I don't know why they just don't put a cast instead of asking me to not use it 'much'. Pff!

Anyway. I need to go for physiotherapy tomorrow morning, so I shall wrap this here and go to sleep. I don't know if this post will make sense to me tomorrow, but what the heck, the point was to not refrain from writing this time. :-)

Good night.

New Post

This is one of those posts which are published only because I think the previous post has enjoyed more than enough glory. Close to four weeks in this case. In this time too many thoughts died before maturing. I wanted to write about our nation's current state too, but I am just not in that opinion-sharing mode right now. Other thoughts have been way too personal to make it here. So what follows is just another rumble-ramble of words.

# My skin has still not completely recovered from May's sunburns. I don't know what is the matter with it.

# My knee has not recovered from the unregistered injury from I-don't-know-when either. More tests next week.

# God might not have given me a job yet, but He did give me a painless root canal procedure. I am thankful.

# I got a new, hot-looking hairdo but the bloody humidity is killing it.

# I was hoping Netherlands would win.

# Some people do way too bastardly things all the time.

# My brother let me drive his sedan the other night.

# Retail therapy does have temporary positive effects.

# I watched A-Team and wondered yet again why the standard of these flicks has gone down so much.

# I tried Jiggs Kalra's Legends of India at CP. The ambience sucked and the food was ordinary. Worst was that they had closed down their first floor and expected customers to climb two floors of ill-designed stairs for a 'luxurious' dining experience.

# Met Ranjan after about three months which felt like much longer.

# I also watched Tere Bin Laden and I must say it is a rather nicely done project. Enjoyed it thoroughly!

# Someone who called me 'backbone-less' a few months ago sent me a friend request on FB. Whatever is this fixation with raising the number from 851 to 852!

# On the job front, I think I have seen it all in the context of wanting a certain kind of a job. From no openings to unsolicited career advice to openings that got closed the day I approached a company to processes on hold for over two months to a near-promise which suddenly became 'position on hold', I have really seen it all.

It so fuckin' sucks to be patient and hopeful. Today, it feels nothing different from being patient and hopeful about relationships with assholic men. I just hope things don't end up being like those relationships.

# My body piercings have come down from nine to six. :-/

# My laptop is ageing too much too soon.

A distance MSc. from London School of Economics costs close to INR 3.5 lakh. I think this is the end of the world.