Temme Temme!

Tell me how the blog looks. From the time when I used to change the template every two months or so, this one's come after about three years. I am liking it. Tell me what you think about it. Of course, keeping in mind the Fuchsia context. :-)

Fuchsia

:-)

No Updates

The fall internship is due in a month's time. Somebody damn the systems (or the lack of them) because I still do not know where I will be going. And I am f r e a k i n g out! I know it is the beginning of the horror called final placements, but it kills. :-/

There isn't really much happening these days for me to update this space. Except that I have no money on my phone. Or no hot water in the shower. Or no peaceful sleep in the nights. Except that I suddenly lost weight and fell sick. Except that I never thought I was capable of choosing to paint over writing for a culture studies assignment. That I have not read the newspaper in more than a week.
But I have bought a hot cushion cover with lotsa colours in it. Fuchsia too. :D

But one of the many things that are on my mind is the Delhi Diwali air. I cannot wait for a whiff of that smell. I know there's a month left for this too and I'm probably living ahead of times (no pun intended) but I am excited about it. I am! See.. there still are things that excite me!

Last year, I was busy winding up assignments, celebrating an anniversary, and gearing up for my first tryst with an NGO.
The year before that, I was busy falling in love, and healthily losing weight. Mad CAT stuff was happening on top of it all.
And the year before that, Pa was going for a surgery, I broke my back, and I was at the threshold of some losses too.
The year before that? I only remember my rangoli. I make one every year. Bad back or not.. the floral rangoli has become a religion. I love doing it. Every single year.

Yes, all the girly stuff is very much there.

I think this is about it for now. I shall let you know the moment somebody decides to give me temporary employment.

GO(o)Dness!

Sometimes it is hard to differentiate between real and surreal. There is a conflict between what you want to believe and what you should believe.

Dr. V.V.R. Sastry taught us marketing in semester I and II. In the third semester he is taking brand management classes. Unfortunately, it is not the entire 30 hours of the module that he is taking thanks to a damn permanent faculty the college has got for the subject. I have mentioned several times earlier that marketing has been my most favourite subject so far. It is so purely because of this man. He must be at least 60 years old, but the dynamism that he brings with himself is absolutely incredible! To me, he is the god of marketing. Kotler's book has never had the Bible status in my mind because I have had god directly talking to me.

I do not want to compare the new in-house faculty with him, but am forced to because every time I sit in her class I feel I am just wasting time. It takes a lot to kill anything associated with branding. But this woman does it with finesse. I can't believe she is doing 2/3rd of the course! :-/

So, Dr. Sastry took his first class yesterday. I was S U P E R excited. And so were a few other people who can appreciate good things in life. (And some admitted to 'eating their words' later for not realising sooner how great the man is. :P) I sat in front, made notes, and felt happy! The class was brilliant. In Robin's words, it was our weekend bonanza - the perfect close to the week! :D

Now comes the surreal bit.
It being a Wednesday evening, many people had plans of going down to Shree for dinner and drinks. A couple of friends were proactive and asked Dr. Sastry himself to give them a ride till the foot of the hill. And they sat in his car! When I reached Shree an hour later, this is what they had to say: Sastry said to Robin, "the girl (me) sitting next to you in class is intelligent. I remember her from last semester's presentations."
I tried confirming this 20 times. They could very well be taking my case because everybody knows that I am obsessed with the man. But they're maintaining their stand even till this moment. Now either they're being cheap by not admitting that they were kidding, or are actually saying the truth. It is too unreal to be true, too perfect for me to believe, more perfect for me to not want to believe, and I do not know what to do about it!
It makes me happy even if my friends are making it up. But I swear I cannot express what it would mean if it were true and there was some way of validating it! Guess I'll keep obsessing about it for the rest of my life. After all it's god we're talking about!

___

Got bored of the blog's look, so shuffled the colours a little. I like the brightness. Would like to know what you think of it too.


It's an extremely windy day today. The unsettling feelings continue...

Colour Schemes

At age 13, I was obsessed with black. Clothes, nail paint, shoes...they used to be all black.
From that I progressed to blue. Similar obsession.
After that I started disliking black. And the obsession with orange and green began. Orange was always on the side though. Green was just all over the place. I could not get enough of that colour.
And now, the newest colour that I am beginning to notice everywhere is purple. I have even started enjoying black currant ice creams. Green still remains, but the madness is reducing because it needs to share space with purple. They look good together too. :D
Avan's love for me has increased ever since she heard of this development. She heard of it first because I have never met anyone as crazy about purple as she is. Even her room's walls are purple. So I thought I'll share the 'good' news with her first. :-)


Did I mention here earlier that when I start earning a lot of money I am going to have a HUGE collection of bags? Today, while shopping with Mansi, I came across so many HOT bags that I wanted to steal them all. She did not like ANY though. We just walked for hours and came back home without anything. :-|
BUT I am going to buy lots and lots of bags in the coming years.

(Sur)real

I thought my blog needed an update. I also thought that I want to write. And so I am here.
But there’s a part of me that does not want to write here anymore. And I don’t like the fact that it is happening. Blogging is, somehow, not what it used to be. And I hate to see it the way it is today. Don’t ask me what I’m getting at, ‘coz it’s hard for even me to explain.

But I don’t want to let go of this. As with most other things that are, or have been dear to me! I’d rather alter a few things in my thinking.

The recent past has been quite fairy-tale like. I am in a world which seemed to belong to only books and movies. A world which was nothing more than some beautifully interwoven words by people known as writers. It still seems like a dream, and I know pinching myself won’t be of much help. ‘Surreal’ is really the only word that comes closest to describing my world as it is right now. I had long stopped believing that reality could be like this. But I just realized that reality need not be only the bad stuff. Good things are just as real. It’s a different matter that they become very hard to digest as reality at times.

I am also being made to realize that I have done a fairly decent job of ‘making friends’. People who are friends in the true sense of the word. So what if I was talked badly of, so what if some people whom I considered friends did not really reciprocate equally in the relationships? What I have today, is perfect. I never thought people other than my immediate family could be so happy for me. At times, it is said that it is easier to be part of others’ happiness, but I don’t think so. How would someone’s happiness make any difference to you if that person was just another somebody for you?

I am truly happy today. My ‘people-world’ is stable. And the stability is brought by the person who is in its centre – yes, it’s Shady.

Shady says this about me, but it holds true in my case too – his voice is magical. When he laughs, I do not want him to stop. When he looks at me, I want his eyes to never look away. When he unknowingly tries to undo the hurt that I’ve tried to bury inside me, I wonder whether he is real. When I talk to him, I know he is listening. His words are a musical chain to my ears. The romance that he has brought into my life is completely beyond my own belief. The trust that he adds to the relationship each day, is very precious to me. The way we fight our insecurities, is something that only he understands. The love that I get is something that I have never got before. And the love that I get to give is also something that I could never do before.

Yes, it’s love again, only this time it’s real.

Festive Moods II

This time I don't even know where to begin. It was my happiest Diwali ever. It was literally brought in with tears of happiness, and I certainly could not have asked for anything more.
The day started very early as usual. Had the customary havan which was wrapped by 7:00 a.m. After that, I went out for a little walk in the beautiful weather. Also spent some time on the terrace. Came back for a little nap, and even before I'd had breakfast, I was out again. This time (happily) forcefully shoved into a car by cousins who had plans of visiting all other cousins in the city. I realised late at night that even sitting in the backseat killed me! It's not funny travelling from south Delhi to Rohini to Gurgaon and back and still not have stiff legs. But of course, it was fun without a doubt. Although, the funniest thing was what I did on my way back home. I think I used to do that when I was 5 years old. Car-tree-sardar uncle-poster-cycle pe people-hero heralal-red light-etc-etc.....spelling out everything that I could see from my window seat. It felt incredible!! :D
Got back a little late, so I had to find a way of making a rangoli that won't take much time. My pattern was the simplest ever, but filling it all with petals is always a painstakingly long task. Late night also made me realise that I killed my already dead legs even more by balancing all my weight weirdly for about an hour. I can't feel my legs right now. Anyway, Ruhi did help a lot with the rangoli. She also came up with the cheesiest senti dialogues just because she's leaving Delhi in three days. Bloody!
Just caught up with a few more friends after that, and sensibly got back inside my home by 10:00 p.m. since the pollution was getting crazy.

So, lots of phone calls, even more SMSs, loads of mithai, colours, lights, smiles, hugs, pictures, fun....and I had the perfect Diwali. :-)
I hope, so did you.

Perspective

Aarbee’s never tried so hard to study.

12^th standard boards, 2^nd year exams, and now this! Times when I have really felt that I have put in a lot of hard work. I’ve studied as much as I could. There still probably remain a few things and I am trying to take care of those too. I know I studied last time too, but this time I’ve studied more. So now, even though I am fighting my worst fears almost every day, I am just glad I stuck to my idea of giving it my all this time. I knew I am not going to make another attempt at this, and that is why I also left my job. I know there is nothing more I can do if things don’t work out this time either. It is not a half-hearted attempt. From here, I either go the way I want to, or find another way that I’d like to follow. I will not be standing here and waiting any more. I may be tensed and anxious, but I am satisfied with what I have done. And still, my wall reads that I am better than most and can kick butt when I am in my element….and I intend to believe it until C-Day, and also for the rest of my life. :-)

These days are quite nice. I have found something that negates the effect of all the hellish thoughts that come to my head. Could I be more thankful and happier about it? Guess not. :-)

Blur

I had always disliked the idea of having a dark background for my blog. It never appealed to me. Made things rather dull for me. So I refrained from using it. Then I read on someone's blog that since people complain a lot about the dark background of his blog, he wrote a post on another host and linked it to his blog. That was so sweet of him, and this is something I realise today. Over time, I have found it impossibly difficult to read blogs with dark templates. And what luck, most of the blogs that I do read are kinda painful for my eyes. Such strain! So I think I want to thank all the people with light templates today. Thank you! Really.