History never leaves you. No matter what you do, and no matter how much time passes... it just lingers on and on and on. My feeling for it is close to hatred. Not because I do not like my past, but because my thoughts around it are obsessive and compulsive. The bloody imagination does not stop and it completely takes over every sense. Life in the hills keeps me busy and away from all this. Living these two lives is quite a taxing process. I abhor the idea of surrendering to a set of unproductive thoughts! And I am still doing it. Every day.
It is yet another revelation of gray in my personal life. Experiencing the hating a part of self now. It sucks.
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