Dated

Dates that have memories associated with them, irrespective of whether they were good or not, make me very uncomfortable these days. 

Maybe it's the age, or maybe it's just my circle, but everyone around seems to be struggling with a change within.   How reactions to things have changed, how feelings for people have changed, and how change has forced more change. 

I used to be the obsessive woman who remembered all dates related to all things insignificant. At some level I still do, which is why the struggle, I guess. But detachment exercises have been on for a while now. And I know the truth too. 

I think I am jealous of people who are managing to go through similar phases without being cynical. And there must be few things that make me feel as pathetic about myself as this thought does. 

On an unrelated note, I think I am going to make a short trip on one of the coming weekends. Not a exploring-new-places trip, but a I-have-money-to-blow trip to another metro just to meet friends. I told Dad to help me figure investment plans! 

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You know of times when feelings are so incredibly strong that you are out of words. Even to write. 8th February brought some such feelings. I finally went for a concert of Ustad Zakir Hussain's. And it wasn't just him, Pandit Shiv Kumar Sharma was there too. It was thrilling and completely magical. It was also very cold and I wasn't appropriately dressed, but the sounds in that park that evening were unreal and nothing else mattered.. The moon gave the setting perfect company too. And as you may have guessed, it was one of the happiest moments ever. :D

Flaky Friday

I have nothing much to write about. Except that I finally figured how to publish in small fonts using Chrome. So, the joy of not having to type in Chrome, publishing it, going to Firefox, logging in, editing, and re-publishing is much worth sharing. 

Next on my list of such annoying issues is figuring why bugger Outlook doesn't index my emails. Or whatever else it is that makes it searching for any email impossible. Can you imagine what life must be with Outlook as dysfunctional as that? And the number of times I have had to tell my boss that I cannot locate a stupid email? This kind of stuff really does make me cynical about technology as well. As if us humans weren't enough. 

I usually dress informally to work if I know I am going to be parked on my seat the whole day. This week I got that opportunity only yesterday. But to keep feeling through the whole of a Thursday that it's Friday is not a nice feeling again. Different matter altogether that today, on Friday, it doesn't feel like a Friday because friends are not available to do anything fun, and I am working tomorrow. So. Bleh!

This people getting married business is also tiring for my brain now. I wonder how many years it is going to go on for. Actually I don't know why it is tiring; maybe because it is such a big deal for everyone. But I am done with all such conversations for now!

Around is another Valentine's Day. My 25th without any romance to it. Not that I did anything much even when I was not single, but I have been a little itchy for it to be a good day this time. I don't know how. But I  wish. 

A recent conversation with Mansi reminded of teenage romance in thoughts. It felt good remembering it, and it feels really really empty to have come so far away from all of it. 

Some other developments of the past 11 days have been a little unreal and uncomfortable. Look good on the surface, but have difficult layers to deal with. The future will also feel the impact, and I am completely clueless about the direction. 

The need graph for having someone to listen is going up again. And the need graph for ability to talk is going  further down. 

And now that the clock is going to touch a round figure, I should get back to work. 

Sort of Social

While colleagues complain of me not being social enough, I have happily been socialising for the past few days. The time that passed since the last time I connected with any one of these friends has ranged from six months to seven years. I have also managed to make up on some unnecessary fallouts of the recent past. And meet a couple of new people too.

Udit, Priya, Varun, Priyam, Mansi, Selyucus, Pritish, Yuvika, Vaibhav, Srikant, Satyam, it's been good. :)

So, it may be a lonely high ride, but I am thankful there are enough people around to help stay away from madness.

#Bigballsofhappiness

The sun and the moon have begun to make me happier than they ever did.

The morning walk to the metro station, into the east, is as perfect as it can get. The sun in a perfect position, its rays and heat in perfect combination, and the greetings exchanged... perfect.

I know that my love for the Delhi sun might not last too long, but spring is too lovely to really even spare a thought for the ruthless summer.

Hardcore

The word has been ringing a bit for the past few days.

In unrelated contexts: Baiju said I'm hardcore for I manage to mix drinks, be fine, and more. He thinks I can "kick ass and be a Radia if I want to". Jayant said I'm hardcore for managing to procrastinate to the extent that I do. Nehmat said I'm hardcore for she thinks I have potential to do my own business. I say I'm hardcore because I love the thought of being hardcore.


I cannot remember who, but someone recently told me that it isn't probably so great to be 'hardcore' because of the kind of connotations associated with the word. Of course, I only wish people grew beyond such notions.


Someone has even come to me and told me that my 'media look' gives a 'cougar' impression to guys. It surprises me, and yet does not. And I feel absolutely no urge to even refute such mental expressions. According to me, they are beyond all reason.

Nonetheless, it is entertaining to hear of such thoughts and opinions. Especially when you are bored out of your wits.

Force

I have decided to take on the most trying of all challenges I have faced in my few (long enough) years of being around. I think it will be harder than getting over men I have loved. I do not want to imagine that in detail yet 'coz it is a highly discouraging thought. But this, is for life. A good life. A not-so-exciting life. But a healthy life.

I am giving up wheat flour. Wish me luck!

Good-bye, Maggi, pastas, pizzas, cakes, and the rest of the family. I had a good time.

M

There was some thought behind it. It came with a lot of love, in a dirty sock, with infinite laughter. But life took such a turn that I never had the heart to take it out again. Today I did, to give it away. It aches to think about it. But I hope it will never cause ache again because my cupboard has moved on now.

Pissed Off!

When multiple people play around with your faith in one day, you wonder about the population that comes out of such shit without being bitter. I swear there should be free rights on giving tight slaps to certain people.

Hot!

There is something incredibly sexy about guys with uneven teeth, scarred eyebrows, or even a tough shave.

But all within decent limits. :D

The Christmas Weekend

I meant to write all about it, but since I haven't so far, I doubt I'll sit to narrate it out any time soon. So, two lines to register it.

I went for a Jagjit Singh concert at Siri Fort Auditorium. I stopped listening to his ghazals long ago, but completely enjoyed my three hours there. He's a sarcastic, romantic old man. Do I need to say more?

I also met Priyam over some Italian lunch and a haircut that she does not like in retrospect. Saw her after really long but nothing felt different. I would have uploaded pictures if even one of them had come out well.

Then I went to Jayant's for a party. Being there suddenly transported me into one of those 'circuits' where everyone brings along, and meets, everyone at a party and has a lot of fun. There were college friends, their school friends, their respective boyfriends and girlfriends, my colleagues, and their respective friends too. Wow. I am now wondering about the time when I tried something similar and it failed. The scale wasn't even as big. :-/

Sunday was a little crazy. I suddenly felt like I want to buy a car. I know you read something funny a few posts back. Shut up. So I went and looked at a Ford Figo. It was worth the love I was anyway ready to shower on it. Love that car! But then I realised that I do not particularly need a car yet and we came back home. And as a substitute, I just went and bought a pair of glasses. Not the ones that I liked and were obscenely priced, but something in the middle. :-/

Wow, this was a lot more than two lines. Good.

Nervous

I happen to begin the year with the last thing I expected from myself. Expectations.

It worries me. 2011, don't disappoint.