Thank You Very Much!!

It is nearly 3 o' clock on the morning of 1st of April, 2007 and till now I have lived through 365x2 + (365 - 42) days of Economics and God knows I am done with it! As much as I like the feel of being an Economics graduate, as much as I appreciate the thought behind every economic logic, and as much as I think that it would be super-cool if I knew all that I should be knowing about MY subject....I don’t want to!
Yes, I find it fancy. Extremely fancy! But from a distance from now on. I don’t want to be studying pages after pages after pages for dumb university exams. NO!

Phew! Needed this between some views on neo-liberalism.

Added later:

I have realised that it's wrong math. It's not 365-42 days. But I'm sure you know that I don't care. All I know is that it's 42 more days to go. Thank you!

Bored

They don’t know we know that they know we know.

The camera adds 10 pounds!

And he has one of these.
What? A face-ass?!

Get off my sisterrrr!!!!!

And that’s all the sex I’m gonna have this weekend.

If this is how all Gellers flirt, we don’t have a problem.

OH MY GOD!!!

It is not that common, it doesn't happen to everyone, and it is a big deal!!!

Past the line?? You’re so far PAST the line; you can’t even see the line. THE LINE IS A DOT TO YOU.

And that’s Mr Garabaldi on the piano!

God, I'm Rich!

There are always some people around you who’ve been sent to make you smile. They’re around when you need to be told that everything’s not all bad. There are girls to sit with you and abuse all the men in your life with you. When you yell, they are nearly mute to balance it. You’re lucky when you have friends who know that you don’t want to be left alone when you say so. The days when you don’t feel strong and are struggling, they’ll see through you and will just ask you to cut the crap ‘coz they “can feel the undercurrent”. They can understand the expression in the eyes when you are speechless. One will hold your hand, the other will hold you. Someone may just keep his hand on your shoulder and you know that they’re all real.
I have more than one of these.

Ruhi is always physically around so I don’t have to make as much effort to say things. She can see me. She knows when I need a dose of my own philosophies. She has taught me what being thankful for what you have is about. God knows what I’ll do when she moves away!

Mithu makes me laugh. When I’m low, she’ll have cheap jokes and when I’m drunk, she has more of those. With her I am permanently 10 years old. Her boyfriend calls me her muah muah girlfriend because both of us always have truck-loads of kisses for each other. This baby is really precious.

Tarun is not just academically smart. His analytical mind analyses my mind quite well. He listens. He remains calm when I’m going mad. He encourages when I’m in self-doubt. He mostly laughs at me than with me but with him, I enjoy even that. I pray that he gets to go away ‘coz he deserves every bit of it but damn, I’ll be minus numerous sarcasms. That sounds too dull to be true.

Neha = Strength. Strength of character, strength to be herself, strength to face challenges, strength to strengthen her faith by the day! This love-abundant girl has touched my life more deeply than maybe even I’m aware of.

Parul, I know, will never fail me. I know judging people well is not one of my virtues but I know about her. I know her. She’s modern and trendy on the outside, and a soft & simple girl inside! Full of energy and always ready with advice on the most random issues in the world, she’s also my gossip partner.

And then there are those who’re either not as close as them or those with whom I’m not as close anymore but they have made a difference in my life. Yoda imparts wisdom and patience while Chhotu always shows me that nothing’s worth fretting much about.
Karan was a good friend and he still tells his friends that I was his best friend in school. This guy has changed an unbelievable amount in the last 2 years. Was sweet but dumb then; is sweet and sensible now. He wonders how “nice girls” like me end up with wrong men. :)
Rohit and Sayani Di stood by me when it mattered. Both are powerhouses of energy and I loved every day of being with them.
Rucha, Sri, Varun and Poonam are busy with their lives today and I hardly see them but they’ve all been great friends! I’ve killed a hell lot of time with each one of them. Hope they’re all happy...


I know I’ve done similar posts earlier as well. But how do I care about that?! I am counting my blessings. I’d sworn I’d not name any close people on my blog but what the heck! My bond with them is strong enough to not get affected by dumb superstitions.

There's a relationship that I have built with each one of them. With some, it's not the same anymore but I'm happy about having had them around at some point in time in life. It is humbling to have such great people sticking by you through thick and thin. They make up for all those wrong people I meet.

I had tears in my eyes when I started writing. Just the thought of them all together is overwhelming. They're important. God bless them all!

Oldies

Old pictures. Old friends. Old chats. Old people. Old routines. Old songs. Old clothes. Old hairstyle. Old allergies.

Pictures remind of faces and of smiles. Have forgotten moments.

Friends – some have constantly been there and some reappear from time to time. Each one is special.

Chats are a HUGE time-pass but bring not just smiles but even laughter back. Evergreen, maybe.

People – They have so much to offer! Love, above all.

Routines – Walking and jogging, trying to get back to where I was. Feels good.

Songs – Cannot be matched.

Clothes – I have way too many of them. Someone else needs them more.

Hairstyle – It is what I have had for most part of my life. Safe and still good. :D

Allergies – Will always remain, I guess.

Kid No More (?)

# I don’t get everything I want.
# When I can’t sleep or get nightmares, I don’t have Ma sleeping next to me to hold on to.
# Crying doesn’t lead to fulfilment of wishes.
# Everything that I say is taken seriously. Even when I don’t want it to be so!
# People expect.

But I still am the kid of my house.

# I have no responsibilities.
# I can run away from things I don’t like.
# I can make demands.
# I am protected.

Good balance, is it?

Back To The Basics

The Oxford dictionary defines ‘religious’ as being devoted to a religion. And ‘spiritual’ as being religious among other things. Orkut gives you the option ‘spiritual, not religious’ in your profile.

Apparently, I have been thinking. I do not have enough knowledge of my religion to even think that I could be religious if it means that I should know about rituals, beliefs, etc. to be that. But then I know what God is. I know what God wants me to do. I know what He tries to tell the world. Maybe not word to word as is written in holy books but the gist, yes. So now does that make me spiritual? Or not even that?
I have sat through many havans so far and I know they remind me of the basics every time. I am sitting through one every day nowadays and I look forward to it. Quiet and peace – that’s what it gives me. I’m not 70 so it’s not as if I have nothing else to do in life. But to think that it’s just a matter of five more days that I’ll get to experience this makes me want to find some place where I can actually do it every day. So, am I becoming spiritual? Or religious, ‘coz I get to hear about the Vedas and understand mantras? Not that it matters, but I’d still like to know and be sure.

I also get to go back to Biology nowadays ‘coz of a therapy that I am going through. It sure tells me how every possible thing in my body is fucked up but I enjoy talking about intestines, liver, nerves, glands, etc, etc. :D
I wonder if it really was a great idea to give up Bio because I didn’t like Chemistry. Anyway! That’s part of history now. My current subjects have absolutely no connection with that. And my future subjects could be anything but Biology. :(

I guess since Hinduism tells something to the effect that you gain nirvana only when you have learned everything that there is to learn, I’m getting closer to it by doing the same. :D

Chai for family

Lots of water
Two/three elaichis
Tea leaves
Sugar/ no sugar
Milk
And BOIL

Repeat
Repeat
Repeat

Bloody hell...repeat!

And don’t forget to do some Public Finance reading.

Puppets and Paupers

Economics is back on the table! Not that it could or would have gone anywhere far yet...but yes, I am officially back to the grind. I wish somebody gave me an official datesheet too so that I could start planning stuff. It has been delayed enough!

So, with the subject coming back, day-dreaming is back too. And it’s quite annoying. I neither like it (‘coz then I get behind my ‘schedule’) nor does it lead to anything concrete...just (not so plain) dreams.
Hmm....dreamed a few nice dreams today.

Anyway!
I still don’t like sitting at home. Each day is a boring drag. My idle mind plays dirty games with my heart. And there is no one to talk to! What a pain!
Not forgetting (or not allowed to forget) that I instantly start putting on weight if I sit home.

So today was a day dedicated to rain, sleep and Menwhopause. Yeah, I got the bug from you know who (Ahem! I meant where). :P
Of course, there was a dash of trans-national corporations and poverty, etc. too. But just a dash of it.

Was just rambling for no reason...
Good night!

Please don't try too hard to link the title to my post. It's only because I've fallen in love with this song. 5 minutes and 10 seconds of pure bliss!

Mataji

What is a body that has only two lungs functioning, which too are not in a good shape. Nobody knows till when they'll work but everybody knows what will happen. The thought of it is not a trouble considering the age of the body but the sight of it is not tolerable. I don't bloody like it. Why is everything around me hanging in the air? How can things just begin and then not end? I'm sick of saying, 'let's see'. I really am. And in this case, I do not want to see anything more. Ugh!

I don't like hospitals when anyone except me is the patient. I don't like those smells. I don't like those machines. I don't even like needles. Yeah, needles that need 30 minutes to find a vein are no good anyway!

Find veins, find the pulse....I can't believe it man! Can't she be just allowed to go? I don't get those big words. I just know what I see. She's fought with life since I don't know when, and now she's fighting with death. She's always been strange. I don't understand her. Sometimes she looked like she was schizophrenic, and sometimes she was the record book of the entire khandaan with all the latest details.

I remember, she gave me and Nidhi 50 bucks when we learnt the gayatri mantra. 50 bucks was a lot of money back then.

Hmm....

Really don't know what to do or say. Life can be weird.

I Hope You Dance

I'd been doing a lot of forced self-analysis in the recent past - thinking about strengths, weaknesses, blah, blah and blah. And one weakness that was obviously irrelevant then but quite a weakness still is that I'm a passive listener when it comes to music. To me, sound matters more than the lyrics. It's not a new discovery but then this is just how I function. I hardly make an effort to listen to(understand the meaning of) the words. I usually need someone to tell me to do it. I wish I wasn't like this.

So, it again led to a situation where I had a beautiful song in my tiny collection and I'd heard it a zillion times...liked it too...but only now saw how beautiful it is because it's Saumya's favourite song and I got to read the lyrics. It's thanks to Rohit that I get to hear I hope you dance by Lee Ann Womack...

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat

But always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small

When you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Living might mean taking chances

But they're worth taking

Lovin' might be a mistake

But it's worth making

Don't let some hell bent heart

Leave you bitter

When you come close to selling out

Reconsider

Give the heavens above

More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

I hope you still feel small

When you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance!

The Seven Sisters

This is a story of a family that has seven girls and ‘plans’ to have more. No boys because they’re not as cute.

Two cute little twins were born in 1992. At 15, they’re experimental, fun, and adaptive.

Two more twins were born into the same family in July 2002. But they’re completely different from the older ones. One is looking up and the other is looking west. They don’t believe in socialising. Stuck-up asses, always happy with the one or two friends that they have. In permanent state of war with the rest of the world.

Then a very healthy and beautiful baby girl was born on May 6th, 2006. My love is divided between this one and the first two. She’s just as much fun but a little sensitive. She’s the most colourful of them all.

And another set of twins saw light of day on March 8th, 2007. They’re so tiny and cute! One is a cry baby while the other is happy and chilled out. I like the latter type more. If only I could fix a silencer in the first one’s throat!

Yeah, they’re all mine. Not humans but piercings in my ears and nose. I’m getting to wear more and more silver. Yay!!! :D

Mind Game

If you don’t have a real reason to be happy, can you still be happy?
If you are happy without a real reason, is that happiness hollow? Can happiness ever be hollow?
Is there any such thing as a ‘real’ reason? Isn’t life in itself a reason? Or is that only an excuse?

When you are made to sit without anything to do, what do you do? You shouldn’t think about the person who has made you sit like that. You shouldn’t think about the bad weather. You shouldn’t think about failures. You shouldn’t think about losses. You shouldn’t relate to songs and feel sad. You shouldn’t worry about problems. And there are no good things you’re being able to think about. So what do you do? Just space out?

How do you control the anger when you know it’s no good? How do you have patience when nothing’s going right? How do you let the tears drop when they don’t? How?

I won’t ask why you should still smile. I know it is in my blood and I know it costs absolutely nothing. I know I don’t need to fake it. I know it keeps me sane even when I’m insane.
Can I please say I love myself? Or is that politically incorrect? Uh, I've been moving away from being politically correct, so I think I am allowed. :-)

Don't Stop

I just came across one of the most amazing ads ever. I may not be a big fan of the product but MY GOD....what an advertisement!

College Sweethearts III

College Sweethearts II

Meet my friends. That's Neha, Jayant, Amiya, Ishani, Vidur, Tarun, Saumya, and I'm there too. These candles were to be placed at a favourite spot in the college campus and none of us had doubts about where to keep them. These stairs are and will forever be called Neha Steps. Of course, there's a story behind that. But yes, three beautiful years spent in this college are officially over.

The friendships will remain...