Why Today Was a Good Day

1. I got unexpected, indirect compliments. It was nice.

2. I stepped out of office for 10 minutes during the day, and the weather made me very very happy. The chilly air has endorphins in it. (And this stupid americanised english does not identify endorphins as a word. Bleh!)

3. One of my interns got me a chocolate. Not because I made her particularly happy, but simply because she refused to take the money I was giving her while she was going on a break. :D Actually she was just thankful that I let her go on a break. :D :D

4. The same intern asked me how I knew that this is what I wanted to do. And that's when I realised that I had crossed over. Cannot describe the feeling.

Off Limits

Vulnerable men... tch!

Gulbandh

My idea of time has become a little distorted over the past few days. If once I feel that a whole week just hopped past, another time I feel like the first half of a day was really really long ago. Life is nice and busy. The toxins are at a minimum. And I am counting down for my foot's cast to come off now.

The other day I looked at people walking, standing, running at a metro station and they all seemed to have an alien power that I no more seem to have. My knee has only gotten worse because of chikungunya and the pressure it had to take because of this fracture. I almost feel that it will never get better again. Especially because I am not doing anything about it these days.

I have also never felt as unsure of my capabilities as I do today because the level at, and environment in, which I am expected to function is demanding in a way that I didn't imagine it to be. But I am hoping that this experience will also deliver gains with similar exponents.

I was not expecting the weekend to be a weekend. So, to steal a Friday night out and have a relatively relaxed Saturday feels even better than it otherwise would have. Now all that I really need is a nice roadtrip to some place nice and my life would be complete. :D

The Romantic Life

So it rained in NCR today. Some people found the weather to be gloomy. But I loved it. It's the onset of winter!

Then later a different conversation started with a colleague about how picturesque the Pune campus was. And then the thought triggered. About how spending 13 years in the most awesome school, or graduating from the north campus of Delhi University, and living on a hilltop for two years seem oh-so-perfect in retrospect.*

To have had some really amazing men in your list of failed relationships, a very adventurous list of health-related experiences, and the whole process of getting to this 24-point-something moment in life has been very exciting.

I suddenly feel I have been living The Romantic Life all these years, and I am glad that it is a smile-inducing thought at the end of a very tiring day.

*Deleted a happy line about the present. You know which word to insert. :-/

The Sea's Depth

It does not feel good to see a lot of people not appreciate affection, interpret true love, or commit unconditionally. I hope they get whatever it is that they are seeking.

Phew!

I don't think I have been this anxious/tense about anything in the past three years. Maybe even longer. The present is reminding me of board exams and all those life-threatening economics papers. I mean, I feel the need for Mom to sit with me even if she is not contributing to what I am doing. This is really deja vu! The scary one.

Alive, Alive!

It's pressure like never before.

It's learning like never before.

The emotions front..

For a reason, for a reason, for a reason....

Run, Lola, Run!!

So, I'm doing everything from devising media accreditation policies to handling massive databases. From brainstorming for creative material to having my boss scare the shit out of me. Still extremely uncomfortable with the insane amount of work and anxiety, but I am pretty sure I am liking it.

New Rule Adopted*

I think I would have had a breakdown if this evening had come before this job did; I would thus not have been able to write about faith in the previous post. The fourth fracture that evens out the plaster balance of both feet.

*Never ever to take stairs again. Anywhere in the world. Even if my heart stops beating in a rickety elevator.

Reflections

Dreams come to you in sleep. Rather, when you stare wide into infinity. But the realisation of them takes time. It takes patience. It takes courage. It takes facing a whole lot of people who hate your guts. And it takes the kind of strength you didn't know you have.

It calls for smiling when you hate everything around you. It calls for waking up every morning in spite of thinking the previous night that you might just die in sleep. And you know what else? Knowing that it is just the beginning.

These are thoughts that I imagined about today a few months back. Now these words sound a little extreme to me, but I still want to register them for all those days that I spent struggling to stay above the line. I want to not forget the time when people made me abhor people, and the concepts of trust, expectations, and belief.

Surely this was also the time when some other people stood by. And that is why I say, 'my faith keeps me going'.

Definition of Good Friday

I waited for the 'right' job for more than 10 months. But when it came along, it did so in a snap. All the things that did not work out have left me very unsure about how 'right' this one really is, but logic and sense say that it is. And for now we are leaving it at that.

So, this Friday I went in for induction and a meeting. It was a rather important meeting and I felt great being a part of it. I was not expecting day 1 to bring anything spectacular with it, so it felt even cooler just being there in the moment.

The awesomeness of the day continued with managing a seat on the metro on my way back. My iPod also saw light of day after really long. It had the old playlist in it which brought back a lot of memories from Pune, both good and not-so-good, but it was nice feeling that music again.

I came home and made a number of phone calls to the people who helped during the struggle. The highlight was talking to my grandparents. All four of them. Making them happy is an overwhelming feeling. Every single time.

Then I connected with a few cousins, and next thing we knew.. it was 1:30 am, and four of us were driving out for some official celebration! Things like these do not happen with me in Delhi. Neither for the two other girls with me. We had to make up a few stories, bring in a few confidantes, and the mood got rolling!

We first went to Cibo at Janpath. Apparently it is one of the better places to party these days. But what we saw when we went in was the last thing we'd have expected to see. There was a big group of surds dancing to hardcore punjabi music. The kind that is easily detestable. But we decided to stick around for a while because things were slightly bearable thanks to the punju connection. More so because it was too late to think of going some place else. We drank. We danced. And in the end, when the DJ played corny Bollywood tracks, we were happy too. :)

It was around 3:00 am when we left from there. Nidhi thought we should look for food now. Samridhi and I felt we should look to move home now. But Agneesh felt we should try to get into Agnee at The Park for some extended fun. Especially because the scene at Cibo wasn't particularly what we had set out for. And the moment we entered Agnee the past hour felt like such a waste! The music was great, the ambience was good, and there weren't any shady surds dancing with a glowing mobile phone set in their belt. We danced like crazy for the next one hour. I know I for sure was having the time of my life. Definite glances from two cute guys made it even more entertaining. :D

We left from there around 4:15 am. First we were to drop Nidhi and Samridhi back. I act responsibly 9.9 out of 10 times, so it was tooooo much fun speeding and singing out loud in chorus (no, the windows were not rolled down), on empty roads.

After that we quietly left my brother's car back at my place, picked Agneesh's bike, and moved to his place. So, just as I thought that I had had the perfect few minutes on the road, the 5:00 am cold air hit me hard on my face!

Yes, Delhi is festive again. And I do not feel left out.

Would not have been possible to move out had he not come over to congratulate! :)

PS - I do NOT like beer. Yes, I have tried those fancy brands too. :