The Dead Don't Come Back

I think this is the fifth time I have begun to write a new post and have got a strong feeling holding back all words.

Maybe because you're not around. 

Dated

Dates that have memories associated with them, irrespective of whether they were good or not, make me very uncomfortable these days. 

Maybe it's the age, or maybe it's just my circle, but everyone around seems to be struggling with a change within.   How reactions to things have changed, how feelings for people have changed, and how change has forced more change. 

I used to be the obsessive woman who remembered all dates related to all things insignificant. At some level I still do, which is why the struggle, I guess. But detachment exercises have been on for a while now. And I know the truth too. 

I think I am jealous of people who are managing to go through similar phases without being cynical. And there must be few things that make me feel as pathetic about myself as this thought does. 

On an unrelated note, I think I am going to make a short trip on one of the coming weekends. Not a exploring-new-places trip, but a I-have-money-to-blow trip to another metro just to meet friends. I told Dad to help me figure investment plans! 

---

You know of times when feelings are so incredibly strong that you are out of words. Even to write. 8th February brought some such feelings. I finally went for a concert of Ustad Zakir Hussain's. And it wasn't just him, Pandit Shiv Kumar Sharma was there too. It was thrilling and completely magical. It was also very cold and I wasn't appropriately dressed, but the sounds in that park that evening were unreal and nothing else mattered.. The moon gave the setting perfect company too. And as you may have guessed, it was one of the happiest moments ever. :D

Flaky Friday

I have nothing much to write about. Except that I finally figured how to publish in small fonts using Chrome. So, the joy of not having to type in Chrome, publishing it, going to Firefox, logging in, editing, and re-publishing is much worth sharing. 

Next on my list of such annoying issues is figuring why bugger Outlook doesn't index my emails. Or whatever else it is that makes it searching for any email impossible. Can you imagine what life must be with Outlook as dysfunctional as that? And the number of times I have had to tell my boss that I cannot locate a stupid email? This kind of stuff really does make me cynical about technology as well. As if us humans weren't enough. 

I usually dress informally to work if I know I am going to be parked on my seat the whole day. This week I got that opportunity only yesterday. But to keep feeling through the whole of a Thursday that it's Friday is not a nice feeling again. Different matter altogether that today, on Friday, it doesn't feel like a Friday because friends are not available to do anything fun, and I am working tomorrow. So. Bleh!

This people getting married business is also tiring for my brain now. I wonder how many years it is going to go on for. Actually I don't know why it is tiring; maybe because it is such a big deal for everyone. But I am done with all such conversations for now!

Around is another Valentine's Day. My 25th without any romance to it. Not that I did anything much even when I was not single, but I have been a little itchy for it to be a good day this time. I don't know how. But I  wish. 

A recent conversation with Mansi reminded of teenage romance in thoughts. It felt good remembering it, and it feels really really empty to have come so far away from all of it. 

Some other developments of the past 11 days have been a little unreal and uncomfortable. Look good on the surface, but have difficult layers to deal with. The future will also feel the impact, and I am completely clueless about the direction. 

The need graph for having someone to listen is going up again. And the need graph for ability to talk is going  further down. 

And now that the clock is going to touch a round figure, I should get back to work. 

Sort of Social

While colleagues complain of me not being social enough, I have happily been socialising for the past few days. The time that passed since the last time I connected with any one of these friends has ranged from six months to seven years. I have also managed to make up on some unnecessary fallouts of the recent past. And meet a couple of new people too.

Udit, Priya, Varun, Priyam, Mansi, Selyucus, Pritish, Yuvika, Vaibhav, Srikant, Satyam, it's been good. :)

So, it may be a lonely high ride, but I am thankful there are enough people around to help stay away from madness.

#Bigballsofhappiness

The sun and the moon have begun to make me happier than they ever did.

The morning walk to the metro station, into the east, is as perfect as it can get. The sun in a perfect position, its rays and heat in perfect combination, and the greetings exchanged... perfect.

I know that my love for the Delhi sun might not last too long, but spring is too lovely to really even spare a thought for the ruthless summer.