Time Tales

For some reason, it feels like eternity since I wrote a random post here. Not that there is any dearth of such posts on this blog, and not even as if I have a very happening life right now that I'd write about my day and it would make for a good read, but I still feel that the number of that kind of posts has reduced quite drastically here.
There has been no Abhishek Bachchan, no college friends, no cousins, economics of course, no 'I love bullets' post, no silver, not even any 'vague thoughts extended'! God! What do I write about nowadays?!
A few new things -- photography, Shady, back issues...
And some not so new things, the things that remain -- exams, studies, moods, music...

This blog is a year and one week old today. Perhaps it is coincidence, but just like my own birthday was dry and minus the excitement this year, so has been my blog's. In fact, I did not even access my page that day - that too because of coincidence, I was not in Delhi, but even so.
I do remember the summer of 2006 though...Vague Thoughts' birthday was celebrated quite nicely. :) That blog was also quite an experience!

The calendar year is also coming to a close. And like every year, I don't know how this year went by so quickly. But actually it was a rather long year. I think we are just involuntarily accustomed to feeling that time flies. At least I am. And that is possibly because I have a fairly decent memory - I remember things, days, events rather clearly. So, even though the scenes from Jan this year are fresh in my mind, I know I've spent a lot of taxing times through the year too. And a lot of days have been very very long - they never seemed to end.
The tone of this post is moving towards sad, and that is not quite what I intended it to be. Neither am I sad today. I'm fine. (This is one of the ''I'm fine''s from my Orkut profile. For those who had doubts. :D)
So let us put it a little differently: Even though the days never seemed to end, they did. In spite of bad days, I had peaceful nights (barring some :D).
But yes, I started the year on a worried/lost note, rode through a whole gamut of feelings/experiences/thoughts, and am back to worried/lost. Hehe... Quite a cycle! :)
But at least I am more stable. That's reason enough to be thankful. :-)

I'm going for a little dip in the past today. Not sure how it's gonna be...again, time will tell. :-)

So, see you in a while. Tada!

Wondering....

I saw this in a school recently. There was something odd about the statement that struck me then and I have been wondering ever since what it is really supposed to mean. A half-conclusion that a friend and I reached upon was that in case of something negative, it is better for a child to get approval so that he/she does not develop inferiority complex. But, how is it supposed to act positively (as one of those many other things that go into development) for a kid? I don't remember when I stopped seeking approval, and how things used to be when I was a kid. Therefore, I ask you. Do you agree with this statement? If yes, why? Can you explain the phenomenon to me too?

Wonderland

I have completed one month in the new world and I am still exploring. Everything is fancy, and I can enjoy it subject to the condition of hard work and high level of discipline. Erm...doesn’t sound too bad. Let us just make it a little bad: ...subject to the orders of a firang management! Ah, that had the effect! :P

So, let me just list down some of the things that are amusing/ fun/ fancy...

# An official email id with my personal signature

# A dress code to follow

# An hour-to-hour tracking of work done

# An unbelievably young environment

# Receiving “private and confidential” mail in my name at home

# Having a cheque book with my name printed on it

# A debit card with my name too

# Receiving tips on being politically correct

# A reason to properly learn how to drive

# Getting a ride to office so far

# A funky keyfob to access work files from home

# Talking to random Brits over the phone

# Super clean office and washrooms

# Still having several things out of my budget

# A near perfect routine for the day (or at least better than what I had till a month ago)

# A forever-attempting-to-control-the-laughter-volume set of buddies

# An ultra-hot, taken colleague

And more...

I am also still in a kind of a daze. Still trying to figure things; still trying to sort my life. And looks like it is slowly happening. Friends almost thought that I needed a shrink – now I am doing much better than that for sure. I am leaving out of control things to time, and using my time to meet hard deadlines. :)

Wish me luck!

Rise and Fall

I had mentioned a pretty sunset in my post about Thursday. Friday’s sunset was equally incredible. Maybe more because it was in a completely different and contrasting place that I viewed it from but I was really completely lost when I saw it.
So, while Thursday’s was in a village & farms setting, viewed from a moving car, Friday’s was between two very closely placed high-rise buildings, viewed from the huge windows of my office. It looked surreal.
(And today I saw the setting sun by the side of Qutab Minar and very aptly positioned for a goddamn picture!! :/)
Sadly, I get to view more of sunsets than sunrises - which I think are even prettier - because of my routine. Sunrise infuses a very positive feeling in me. It is a refreshing sight. It has that clichéd new-day-new-beginning thing attached to it, but just the fact that I can feel that when I see it makes me connect more to it.
But then the setting sun also makes me realize that the day that passed was beautiful. It gives the perspective that I may need on certain days. Even if it was not noticeably beautiful, at least the end is. It is the perfect closure that one can hope for.

Back To The Basics

The Oxford dictionary defines ‘religious’ as being devoted to a religion. And ‘spiritual’ as being religious among other things. Orkut gives you the option ‘spiritual, not religious’ in your profile.

Apparently, I have been thinking. I do not have enough knowledge of my religion to even think that I could be religious if it means that I should know about rituals, beliefs, etc. to be that. But then I know what God is. I know what God wants me to do. I know what He tries to tell the world. Maybe not word to word as is written in holy books but the gist, yes. So now does that make me spiritual? Or not even that?
I have sat through many havans so far and I know they remind me of the basics every time. I am sitting through one every day nowadays and I look forward to it. Quiet and peace – that’s what it gives me. I’m not 70 so it’s not as if I have nothing else to do in life. But to think that it’s just a matter of five more days that I’ll get to experience this makes me want to find some place where I can actually do it every day. So, am I becoming spiritual? Or religious, ‘coz I get to hear about the Vedas and understand mantras? Not that it matters, but I’d still like to know and be sure.

I also get to go back to Biology nowadays ‘coz of a therapy that I am going through. It sure tells me how every possible thing in my body is fucked up but I enjoy talking about intestines, liver, nerves, glands, etc, etc. :D
I wonder if it really was a great idea to give up Bio because I didn’t like Chemistry. Anyway! That’s part of history now. My current subjects have absolutely no connection with that. And my future subjects could be anything but Biology. :(

I guess since Hinduism tells something to the effect that you gain nirvana only when you have learned everything that there is to learn, I’m getting closer to it by doing the same. :D

En Route To Balance...

For the last three days I’ve been blanking out every time I get down to writing. There has been so much happening that I could use some ‘venting out’ but doesn’t work nowadays.
I feel this confirms that I am becoming stronger, detached and more independent. I know I am. I am more in control of myself than I ever was in the past. I don't need to write. And it makes me surer about ‘everything happens for the best’.

Good people are still around to listen and help but I’m less needy. I still crib at times but I’m human. I get frustrated but not bitter.

I have been ecstatic about the realisation that I am much more optimistic than I thought I was. In fact, I didn’t even know that I’m an optimist. It’s an incredible feeling.

And I hope I continue with this thing that has started.

...Finally!

It's a fair game

“Life is not fair”

A lot of people believe so. I don’t. I think life is the fairest game. Yes, its timing of moves may not be the best or the fairest but that does not mean that there is no fairness. What I believe even more strongly in is that there is no after-life. You get all that you deserve before you leave this world and you pay every single due as well. Actually, I have seen examples of people paying dues more than those getting what they deserve but that does not stop me from believing that things happen for good.

And to see them pay is not a very pleasant sight irrespective of how you know that person, how much you love or hate them, and however much you think that they are finally being set right. It is painful. People give you pain, finally get their share of pain, and then they give you a kind of pain that even they cannot help anymore.
I know my words might not be making complete sense right now but I really don’t know how to put what I am thinking. I wish somebody understood.

Here is someone whose life is nothing less than hell right now because for her entire life, she made others’ lives hellish.
And there is someone else who even though is intrinsically a good human being doing wrongs knowingly and not accepting that he is doing so. My ideas tell me that he too will pay.
I really wish nobody ever goes through that process. But that would only happen when the world becomes perfect and nobody is mean. I’m dreaming, I guess.

Time Pass

I am Vikram Khare. 23 years old, working, and living with my family. I am an ordinary guy insofar as I need and have friends, have ambitions, and try to live life happily. I think I am different from a lot of people because I get let down often since I always find people who are not like me. Of course, I understand that no two people think alike and the differences are bound to be there but I get misunderstood or not understood at all quite often.
Maybe my thoughts get a little too idealistic at times, but I like things that way. I don’t see why it is necessary to be crooked to handle the world around me. I am sure there must be some way I can remain honest and truthful in future just the way I have been in the last 23 years.

No, I am not always like this. I am like any other guy who believes in keeping things simple, does not understand a woman’s mind, and thinks that alcohol isn’t all about getting drunk.

I don’t have many friends but the ones I do have are all good and close. I have been collecting them from school onwards. Guys from my basketball team in school, girls whom I found cute in the initial days of college, and a few people from here and there. They’re all people who make me happy every time I see them and that’s more than good enough for me. We’re a bunch of crazy idiots at times, and sensible grown-ups meeting life every day at others.

You must be wondering why I am telling you all this. Actually, my ex used to write a journal and I always wondered what the deal was about that. Now that we’re not together any more, I thought I should give it a try. But since this is a blog and maybe some people will read this, I thought I’ll write a little something about myself first. It’s turning out to be fine so far.

She was a nice girl, you know. We were together for almost a year. But I don’t know what went wrong. She said to me that she cannot understand me. But I thought I’m a simple guy who doesn’t think too much. Oh! Is that why I never understood her (as she says)? But I did understand her. She loved me, she cared for me, she understood ME, gave me a lot of space but was always there for me too. She wasn’t too needy, was always (almost) composed, and just a sweetheart. I thought I could spend the rest of my life with her. But maybe things weren’t meant to be. I miss her. She looked cute when she smiled.

Anyway! I love driving my other and only sweetheart a lot. My lovely, black bike. She and I have been together for a longer time – 4 years. And she is cute too. No, she’s hot! She helps me fly!

Hmmm...this writing business is making me philosophical. It’s not bad but what’s the need for it? People say it might let your creativity flow. Isn’t my creativity visible in my dirty jokes? Some say that you feel lighter after writing. Dammit, I am talking to a computer screen. This is heavy stuff!
But nobody had asked me to write. I chose to try it myself. Hehe... Yeah I know it's lame.

I don’t think I can do this every night. I’d rather sleep for an extra 15-20 minutes.

Vik

How Does It Work?

I have always maintained that any sort of behaviour from a person is primarily because of what he or she is as an individual and not because he belongs to or is a part of a particular community. And I have always defended this stand too because I truly believe in it.
But something that I have been noticing around me for a long time makes me a little less bent on this.
I see that the language of people from DU is very different from that of people in any engineering college as also from someone who is studying in a professional college doing a course like BBA, BBM or even journalism. For that matter, the MBBS lingo is different from all of these too. And I really wonder how varied the culture in these places could be to bring about such a difference because it is probably not just language but something more too.

Really! I see friends from school who are now doing different things and the transformation in everyone is very visible. The ‘DU crowd’ is distinguishable from the ‘IIT/DCE brand’ very easily. In fact, having been a part of DU for nearly three years and having been using the metro for more than a year, I can even tell which group of people are from which college quite accurately. Looking at people I can tell that they’d get off at Kashmere Gate because they are going to DCE or at Rajiv Chowk because they are going to NSIT. Within DU, the wannabes of Khalsa, Stephen’s and Hansraj, the Venky we’re-the-coolest kinds, the JMC chicks, are all very different from each other too (No offence, people! I’m not doubting the genuine cases of these institutions). And it’s really amusing how that can be.
Oh, it suddenly feels like DU is quite crappy. Crap!

How if anything has to be appreciated, it is everything from ‘mast/tashni’ to ‘hot’ to ‘pretty cool’. They’re all very common terms (at least in Delhi) but they’re still representative of people from different institutions in some sense.

Almost all my friends who are future engineers and doctors have a certain degree of crudeness (Not in a negative sense) whereas, those who were quite crude even after school ended and joined DU have a polish (genuine or fake is another debatable topic though).

On a personal level, I know that the difference in culture can become an issue big enough to lead two people who are at the same level initially to being led in completely different directions and lose on compatibility.

I don’t know if I am being able to convey what I am thinking but I am highly curious about how this happens. How is it that people had started identifying me as a person with the ‘DU attitude’ right after 1st year? Why do people from say, JIMS or a similar place have an air about them which talks of a completely different world?

I am still very sure that this does not mean that the individual style gets lost but in this case the influence is definitely heavy.

DK, Subhadip and Sayani Di, I’m expecting some psychological/sociological, etc kind of reasons from you guys. Enlighten me, please. :-)