Roll the drums!

The way things are unfolding has been fun so far. We had one 'engagement' when he decided to go down his knee, western style. The traditional one follows later this month. Despite being a family affair, it has ended up being a full package with me having to book hair and make-up as well.

The first wedding is also happening later this month - legal style. The preparation for this one has been rather boring - ID cards, applications, witnesses, lawyers, etc. We're told it will be partly entertaining too. But I am more keen to lock in the dates for the actual wedding. Proudly enough, I utilised the recent holiday to do the rounds of all key stores in Delhi and select my lehenga. Yep, blood red, raw silk lehenga. :D It's booked! Don't ask for a picture, I forgot to click one. 

It's finally sinking in. 

Country Next: Six Things I’d Like to Do

After close to a year in a (not-so) new country, I feel there were some things that I used to do earlier but for some reason discontinued after moving base. There are also some new things I should possibly have done but never got around to doing. There are, of course, a number of reasons for this. The biggest one being that there was so much change to deal with that I never had much energy or interest to go beyond what I was already dealing with (good and bad). 

There will likely be even more new things in the next country I move to – fewer dosa joints to begin with - but I think it warrants some extra effort.

Socialise – When you’re alone in a city that has limited ‘cultural’ things to do, the only thing left to socialize over (well, almost) is drinks. So when you’re making an effort to cut that down, you invariably have to compromise on the socialising front as well. Of course, you can be that outgoing person who can talk to anyone about anything under the sun to overcome this challenge, but that isn’t quite me. *laughs*

Hopefully, things will change. I already have a number of people waiting for me to arrive (!). So I will at least have a starting point. And unlike here in the UAE, they are not two hours away from where I live.

Get Back on Twitter – You may want to club this with the first point itself, but I think this social socialising is of a different type. Being social on Twitter means being engaged with the local politics, markets, brands, activities, or other drama. Of course, you can rant endlessly about every minute of your life too, but that isn’t quite me. *laughs*

This past year, I could not keep up with things in India and there was never anything too interesting happening locally. Or maybe I couldn’t relate to things that were happening. I don’t know. But I want to change this. Twitter can be a lot of fun.

Save My Accent – I do not know how I will achieve this given how much my accent has already been influenced by the Americans around me. The thought that I can make it worse in the company of Brits is rather dreadful. 

Play – I gave this one a very genuine attempt this year, but my body tends not to support me in such endeavours. Hopefully, all the walking that I’ll have to do in the new place will help build up some stamina to play or dance or do something else that would stop the bones from getting too old too soon.

Learn - About the place, about its culture, about its nuances. Know the place like I know home. Be qualified to be the GPS (like in Delhi) there too. That should be the goal.

Document Life – 2014 was an eventful year, but I ended up writing the least this year. I would admit that I didn’t miss it much, but the fact that I don’t have anything much to go back and read about makes me sad. I’d rather do it than not. So Fuchsia, let’s take that word count up next year! 

Intolerance Comes Cheap

Through most part of this past year I have observed and been frustrated with huge amounts of baseless commentary about things that people do not seem to like or agree with. 

Today I read two small pieces online, both relevant to what irks me. The first one talked about how youth needs to be rebellious. That that is the only way to move the establishment and bring about change for the better. It made me think. At some level, I agree with the author. Status quo isn't the best. But rebellion is perhaps too strong a word. Our society's problem is not lack of rebellion. Its problem is rebels without a cause or direction. They don't know what they want. While it's always great to at least know what one doesn't want, when we're talking at a societal level that's not enough.      

The other thing that frustrates me is even more widespread. Everyone seems to be so intolerant of everything around them that it is almost suffocating. I am sure not all these people who complain can get a job done more effectively, be more productive, or simply be more accepted. Fine, if your tax money is being wasted by the government, you have the right to raise your voice. But if the old porter is taking a few extra moments to lug your bags, eff off! It's a simple example, but the problem is the same at every level. People have no respect whatsoever for others. Except for established super-rich super-achievers. I truly think people should take a moment to reflect on these words I came across before they go about their rants about others: "Question yourself as fiercely as you question society or others". It might just make the world a better place.

Mrs-to-be

Because I've heard it's life-changing, I suppose my life will change in a month when I sign the dotted line. 

Apparently the process is going to be dramatic. I am glad I've chosen him to experience the drama with. Why, you ask? Have you met him?

For the real wedding, because the law only means so much to a true Punjabi (ahem!), we'll see how it goes. For now, please keep the dhol ready and I'll let you know more once I have a date.

Fair Game

I have come to believe that as much as you strive to strike a balance, life doesn't really believe in that concept. It will always tip in the favour of one part and against another. If your career is going great, you might be struggling with family. If you're happy in your personal life, your health might be screwed up. If all seems well, there'd be a storm chasing you silently. The challenge, and the art, lies in finding enough balance to maintain sanity. That is about it. Expecting more is just unfair.

Renewed Life

For as long as I remember, I always pose for pictures with flowers on my birthday. Everyone around me knows that flowers make me happy, and I always have at least one or two people who send me flowers every September.

This year I didn’t get a bunch of flowers. I got a floral arrangement of diamonds. On a ring.

I haven’t stopped smiling since. God has been kind.

Indian Flavour in the Dunes

As summer was at its peak in the oil zone, life seemed to have slowed down quite a bit. There isn’t necessarily a correlation between the two, but both, the weather as well as other things in general are looking up now.

With that background in place, let me tell you a little about the new things that I have learned recently.

Hashkal! This is a word apparently only known to folks in Abu Dhabi. It’s Arabic, yes, but colloquial enough to not even have reached Dubai. Meaning? The India equivalent of – hold your breath – LS! Yes, the ‘term’ most recently heard in that obnoxious Delhi Girl video. All things down-market have a special word in all languages, isn’t it? I’m still laughing!

The Indian Lane! I was in a room full of Brits and conversations, as usual, were around cultural differences. One of the things that came up was driving etiquette. I obviously didn’t have much to say on this one. But one of the guys did get to explaining how the lane next to the fast lane is referred to as the Indian Lane here. The reason? People in India are taught to keep in the middle lane and even on a five-lane road, they drive at 50 kmph in the second fastest lane. And that same day I spotted two such cars on the road. Pff.

Madrasis! You think only north Indians are ignorant enough to call all south Indians that? FYI - my Pakistani driver folks also call them that. Yes, I am yet to meet a Tam buddy here. Till then, all of Kerala in the Gelf comes from Madras!

Aside: I made conversation with a taxi driver after quite a while today. Actually, he did all the talking. And gave me some really nice biscuits which had been gifted to him by a well-wisher. This is the second time I broke bread with a taxi driver. Last time, it was at Iftar time during Ramadan. The eccentric, talkative guy had refused to eat until I ate some of his super tasty food.

Filipino Delight! These guys are collectively the most pleasant community ever! They may look serious, distressed or even uninterested, but they’ll always be so polite and patient that there is no way on earth you can ignore them or their pleasantries. And now when I go out, I don't look for Indian faces around. (Abu Dhabi does give more choices than Dubai, for sure!) 

Prince Chocolate Biscuits! Yes, these deserve an exclamation mark too. Sure everyone has had good chocolate biscuits at some point in life, but you’ve got to try these (you’ll never have one) to know what I am talking about. Apparently, people who have grown up in this country have been indulging in these for years together. You can never get over them. So I know wherever in the world I go next, instead of importing original Maggi, I shall import these Prince biscuits! :D

Indulgence

A chocolate cake and a long, warm hug - indulgent wishes of the night.

The Outside Perspective

It’s the I-Day week. The tricolour is taking over people’s profile pictures on Facebook. Incidentally, this weekend I also complete six months living away from India. Under the myopic lens, I am glad I have the day off (Friday, the Middle East’s Sunday) or I know I would have cribbed to no end. But my end of day media consumption has triggered an emotion that I have been trying to communicate unsuccessfully since the pre-election days.

 This video on women’s safety in India got me thinking. I won’t go by the title on the page, but it drives home one point for me – that India is home and nothing should make one want to leave it for good. Yes, many people are more practical than that and leave for a more comfortable/peaceful/safer/saner/ life elsewhere. But I take comfort in the fact that I will return sooner than later. Because as hypocritical as we may be as a society, we have the liberty to raise our voice if we want to. There’s the freedom to call a spade a spade if you feel like it. A light exchange with friends led me to say yesterday that the Middle Eastern countries that are peaceful today are those that are politically correct. I don’t think I realized what I said until after I did. And as disheartening as it is to say this, I think we take for granted that being in India allows us to be who we are. I am not saying we don’t have laws that are irrelevant or enforcement agencies that are ineffective or SO MANY PEOPLE who are plain fucked up. But we have our freedom of speech and make no mistake that few things in the world are as repressive as not being allowed to express a thought.     

In the recent months, I have been torn between being tolerant and being impatient towards some of the things that our generation faces or resists in India. I sometimes feel we do not need to react to situations as wildly as we do – the Sachin-Sharapova episode (both sides of the argument) – and at times it’s as if our voices are getting lost in the oblivion – there are endless examples of this, aren’t there? But the reality is that sane voices of change exist and we’ll have to patiently and optimistically wait for a time when we evolve to be a better society. We are messed up as a country, but we have hope. Because we have a voice.

Here’s to a better 68 years, a better generation ahead!

Beloved Visitors

CheChe (coined in today's mint)

My first visitor here! While his trip itself was short, he made the initial days in the city tad easier. Sent me flowers, listened to my endless stories of being lost in the streets, encouraged me through every disastrous hour in the kitchen, gave me tips on navigating the supermarkets and helped through just about every challenge I faced!

While he was here, I got more love.

होंठ पे लिए हुए दिल की बात हम
जागते रहेंगे कितनी रात हम
मुख़्तसर सी बात है
तुम से प्यार है!

Then came Baij! His was a slightly unexpected visit but I was happy as ever to host someone here! I got to know him a little better, chatted at length about cultures and forced a free goody out of him! :D

I had started handing out invites to friends in India even before I had moved here. The first to pick one was none other than PK!

She made a long list of places she wanted to see and things she wanted to do. She talked about how she wanted to make good use of her time here and not be lazy. And she planned a little more. What we really did? Eat, drink and dance! Can one complain about that? No mister!

Latest on the list was my love, Ruhi! We met after over a year and made up for it all in the 24 hours we had together. We cooked, we shopped for food, cooked some more, bought some more food and then went crazy laughing thanks to a sugar rush at midnight!

We kept the ritual of having martinis together and shook on the latest travel-related pact!

Now, while I make a visit home, please get busy with your plan to visit me. 

Wonder

What do you do when your weaknesses start getting the better of you?  

Treats You Well?

Ranjan asked me this question a few days ago. I replied with an, “of course”. It later got me wondering if this is how petty our relationships can be. A reason for being with someone is whether or not they treat you well? I have had more than my share of jerks but something about this question felt odd. Okay, I won’t take for granted that we are exclusive. But I would definitely want to assume that the person would treat me well, and base my interest in or attraction towards him on something more. 

Just a week after this exchange, I was speaking with a friend who is not entirely happy in her relationship. A few minutes into the conversation, and I realised that he does not treat her well. Nowhere close. And then I wondered if I should appreciate what I have more than I do at the moment. 

Yes, he treats me with respect and love. He is thousands of miles away, but he makes every effort to keep me happy. His logical reasoning often supersedes my emotional waywardness, but I would like to believe that we behave like mature adults at the end of the day. And I am pretty certain I treat him well too. Let’s do a poll on that tonight. ;-)

He has brought some good changes with him. I hope we can continue to behave like grown-ups in future. 

Trivia from Abu Dhabi

It's not the largest or the roughest city, but it's my first real experience away from the comfort of family or friends, and I am trying every day to learn a little bit more - some discoveries, some accidents. 

1. We have no addresses here. If you're lucky you might have a PO box where you may be able to receive mail. Otherwise landmarks define your location. It took me a few days to figure why property listings had "view of landmark" as a feature.

2. It may be adjacent to the desert, but Abu Dhabi does have a winter of its own. I have experienced the chill even through a sweater.

3. An unmarried couple living together is illegal. And so is the prostitution that goes on outside Le Meridien every night. Yes, I was shocked to see it happening.

4. No surprises - a litre of oil is cheaper than a litre of water.

5. A stem of rose costs seven times more than one in Delhi. This, by far, has been the hardest to come to terms with.

Photo Courtesy - Nat Geo

6. Many expats who have been here long enough own private boats. You can see them parked outside their villas the way you’d see a good ol’ Santro in the neighbourhood. Funnily enough, banks provide Boat Finance options too if you’re eager to buy one without saving up any money.

7. Did you know, if you fall asleep in a cab, your driver can be pulled over and fined for up to AED 200? And to think that I sleep in the cab to work every morning!

8. My locally configured BlackBerry notifies me of all six prayer times through a day.

9. Sure there are a lot of Indians here, but seeing Marie Gold biscuits or Amul butter at the grocery store is a definite delight.

10. Camels participate in beauty pageants and have dedicated race tracks where robots ride the beauties which are too fast (and bumpy) for a human to do the honours.

Taxi Tales

Before moving to Abu Dhabi, I did not ponder much over how life would be here. I prepared only for a few basics such as carrying travel converters or having a clear opinion about Arvind Kejriwal’s impact on Indian politics. 

I did not think about not having anyone to talk to outside of office or the looming non-existent social life. And surprisingly, none of it bothers me. It did not even cross my mind until someone pointed it out. To be specific, until CG spotted a trend in my taxi tales. 

Our end of day catch-ups would often have a narration of an interesting exchange with the guys I depend on more than the security guards of my building. Here are a few highlights from the last two months.

Taxi Guy 1: Young Pakistani guy, bent on proving that my house is too far from my office. He named at least five localities that would have suited me better and how I should tell my employers to get it changed. He was kind enough to offer any help I needed and gave me his phone number and shift timings if I ever need him. 

Taxi Guy 2: Nepali guy who had worked in manufacturing units in Noida and Faridabad before moving here. I think, the conversation with him was after a few days of not speaking in Hindi. I loved how he judged me for being from South Delhi and showed off his knowledge of the city!

Taxi Guy 3: A middle-aged Pakistani man, he had a Hindi radio station on which started playing Rafi’s “chaand mera dil” soon after I climbed in. I love the song, and clearly he did too. We both started singing together. *yes, I feel safe enough to let loose here*. I enjoyed it – late evening, city lights and a connection from home. To my surprise, I complimented him. He obviously wasn’t expecting it, so just smiled. But the next moment, he took out a tape with a Pritam/Anu Malik collection and sang all the way till my destination. “Bheege hont tere” is not something I can sing with a stranger even in the safest zone.

Taxi Guy 4: After dinner with some colleagues, I got inquisitive questions from another Pakistani guy, this one with a heavy accent, about the people I was with, my family, my work, and so on. Here’s an excerpt:

Him: “Pati keedhar hai”

Me: “Pati nahi hai”

Him: “Wallah, phir keedhar hai”

Me: “Abhi nahi hai, shaadi nahi hui”

Him: “Eedhar kis ke saath rehti ho?”

Me: “Akele rehti hoon”

Him: “Parivar keedhar hai” 

Me: “Dilli mein”

To deviate his interest, I told him they were holidaying in the hills. But his deduction:

Him: “Wallah, tum to ameer ho! Idhar kya kar rahi ho? Koi mama/chacha/bhai nahi hai kya eedhar? Mera to mama ka ladka saath rehta hai. Saamne gali mein bhi ek bhai rehta hai! Tum akele kyun aayi eedhar?”

Me (now anxious and unsure about the rationale of my move): “Main chali jayungi kuch maheeno mein!!”

Taxi Guy 5: This Malayali guy was not comfortable with Hindi but insisted on talking in the language and telling me all about his romance with the wife. It was cute until he mentioned how she wanted to commit suicide because his parents wouldn’t approve of the marriage. And then how she and his children now live in Kerala to take care of old parents. But later he gave me tips on the best south Indian restaurants in Abu Dhabi and I discussed my only Kerala experience with him – Wayanad! 

Taxi Guy 6: This slightly scary old uncle with lots of surma judged me by the complexion of my skin. When he discovered that I was not from Pakistan, he talked of how South Indians have darker complexion. I tried to show off my knowledge of Punjab since his last name was Jalandhar but he took my case for associating it with ‘land’ as his name came from his grandfather’s. I do still wonder where his grandfather got it from. 

He then talked of Kashmir which made me uncomfortable because I could not decipher most of what he said in that serious tone. I then heard the word ‘aman’ and peacefully went to work. 

Taxi Guy 7: Without a doubt, this man loved Delhi more than I do! He had visited in 2012 and spoke of it as he had seen it only last week. He described his experience vividly and at length. At one point I noticed he was driving at 60 kmph (which is a rarity in this city where “please slow down, you are crossing the speed limit” is the most commonly heard phrase) because he was so lost in his story of the Delhi Metro. 

He was a sharp guy. Asked me all about my profession and then came up with an example to demonstrate his understanding of what I had explained to him. And then it got awkward because he was looking for a new job and there was no way I could have helped him.

Taxi Guy 8: “Khalifa Street, near Pizza Hut.” “After the Central Market?” “Erm, I don’t know, I am new here.” “That makes it the two of us!” “Oh! How long? I’ve been here a month.” “15 days today.” *Turns on Google Maps* 

And when I am not participating in any such conversations, I am cursing away in my quest to find a taxi!

Five Weeks...

...since the 'off load' joke was played on me at the Delhi airport before letting me board.

The new bank here gave me a free credit card. Two of them. My firsts. I thought I would not use them but I discovered that I cannot make online purchases with my debit card. So I was forced to use one today. I chose the gold one. Something about it was fancier even though its credit limit is lower.

Before this I never got a credit card because I neither trusted myself nor the banks. I am halfway down 27 and I know people start using these cards much sooner, but I think this is a good time. After all, the first purchase wasn’t a dress or a bag – it was registration for a colo(u)r run. I missed playing holi at home, but am hoping to compensate myself with this! Going beyond an endless search for a Chappan Bhog outlet that sold gujiya on holi!

Thoughts about the age and stage of life often cross my mind these days. Would I have been able to manage this independence responsibly 5-6 years ago? I doubt it. I would have confidently denied this fact then, but I know better now. Or so one always says about the past. 

You will have to take my word though when I will tell you that I know McDonald’s does not qualify for a meal even when you are starving, even though they call their food a ‘meal’. Was I this discerning earlier? Disagree.

In my personal life, I am again slipping. I am aware. But happiness clouds reason, doesn’t it? The reason which makes for ‘funny’ memes and corny posters. Like this.

I talk at length. I cry with ease. I save memorabilia. I depend. I am becoming who I chose to stop being long ago. 

He talks of children. 

I am scared to step out of my uncomfortable, dark world.

The career, which has led to all the newness is hitting a roadblock. A real one. One which will blow up soon. I can see it coming. I feel like my feet are freezing right when I should be warming up to run. Hoping a little. Denying a little.

On a different note, I never thought I could get to doing this myself.

Or live on my own by the sea and have dinners next to Burj Khalifa.

New Life

There is so much happening every moment of every day since the last few days that this is the best I can get to capturing everything.

Emotions so far:

• Anxiety

• Excitement

• Panic

• Worry

• Happiness

New nationalities I have interacted with:

• Emirati

• Chinese

• Filipino 

• Kiwi

• Aussie

• Malaysian

First time at groceries:

• Pulses

• Cooking oil

• Utensils

• Salt and spices

Other new things:

• Figuring out a new currency and an entire system around it

• Search for a house

• Not having a clue which direction to look in before crossing a road

• Attempts at making every office day dressy

• Efforts at viewing Pakistanis without any bias

• Did I mention cooking?

The good thing is that 9 out of 10 people here have gone through the above experience. 'New life' is such a loosely used phrase that I will never be able to explain what I am going through. But these people are truly making every first step of the new life as comforting as possible. 

And family, well, they are the pillars that keep me standing.

Farewells

More farewells

Packing up, getting stranded and flying on V Day

New extensions, temporary home, huge portions of food, and multiple time zones

Welcome flowers and pastry

Oh yes, I can do this too!

Client offices and views of the sea

On a bad day

It’s one of those days when I hate most things and most people around me. Yes, that’s an ugly photo, an uninteresting story, unwarranted criticism, misplaced attitude, blah! Blame it on unwanted insomnia. 

The only image that feels good is that of vast, open spaces with bright colours. Alas, I cannot plan a trip yet. Do you know how it feels to go two months without planning one when you actually average a trip every six weeks?

The only sound that I have interest in is his voice. Thank you, dear tele-services providers and internet. I know you do your best to make the 4000 miles feel as less as you can.

I am craving for some good Chinese food. Honestly, I can never get enough of it. But yes, it would have been nice to have something interesting for dinner than sit alone at home and stare at the office laptop.

Highlight of the day: the new hairdo had a special moment where it was doing things that made people ask me if it's straight out of a salon. Worth the bomb I paid for it? I think so. :D 

Actually the real highlight of the day is supposed to be a secret. :D :D

Going old school

....as I begin a new chapter.

Choices

Some massive decisions are through. Probably the ones likely to have the biggest impact on my career. I hope I have not made a mistake. I wish I had a crystal ball that made things easier. Whoever said real life is easy! 

Today I broke a piece of my own heart. I never expected to face such a day.  

Packing my flimsy little world now.

For Life!

She thinks I am twisted and unpredictable. She has been clearer about what’s good for me and what’s not far more than I ever have. But just like me, she is not so great at managing her own shit. Enter Baiju Hindocha.

I first heard his name and saw his picture in early 2010 when the two of them went to Mexico for an MBA exchange program. My earliest memories include thinking he’s cute and listening to him talk in the background while she and I skyped about some inconsequential things like pretty beaches of Cancun and unemployment all at the same time. 

A few months passed before I was formally told that whatever was going on kinda had a meaning to it. I knew it was never going to be meaningless. That’s not her shit. And he knew that well.

I do not remember anything from my first meeting with him, except that she was totally smitten. A few months later, she and I had an argument which he seemed to read better than she did. That’s when I first took him seriously. 

Months passed, I heard a lot about IMT parties and events and placements and more drama and how none of it apparently bothered him much. It was impressive. 

He is one of the rare few people, or perhaps the only one, who is not in my immediate circle of friends and yet I have an alcoholic bond with. Yes, that’s a type. We downed a few drinks together on her 24th birthday and that’s when I finally loosened up and accepted him. 

Through these years, I have seen him hold her hand through the craziest of times and never once frown about anything being said or done around him. I have to admit, he is pretty awesome!

When it was my time and responsibility to ensure she looked at things sensibly, I did my best. Y’know, I am pretty awesome too!

So finally after a WHOLE lot of drama, they got engaged in the summer of 2013. I planned so much for that occasion that I just missed it. Just like that. 

But I was not going to miss this shaadi. I was almost living in her house for those three days. Yes, when the cats start hanging by your clothes, you are pretty much an occupant of the Kapoor House. In other words, every member of that house welcomed me as someone more than a guest – more than a friend of the bride. I LOVED running up and down to facilitate the chooda process, I loved being the first one in for her mehendi evening, I loved being the last one to get mehendi on my hands, I loved it that her mom expected me to take care of some things. My muscles ached from all the dancing to the dhol, but I loved every moment of it, including the slight awkwardness. 

I thought she looked gorgeous that day. My camera and the new lens agreed. I was very happy and satisfied.

More muscle ache looking for a stupid photocopier in an unknown place for 60 minutes just so I could take a print of her speech, forgetting that printout at home, having five glasses of wine, shedding tears of happiness for a second consecutive night, posing like crazy at the photo booth, telling her sister-in-law of my very own Gujju romantic interest (hic!), and talking endlessly while Lynn drove me back home was that awesome cocktail night at a super pretty rooftop venue. I ate something that I loved but have no recollection of. Show me the menu again, someone!

With a horrible hangover and crazy shit going on in office, I focused on her haldi and tried getting some more pretty pictures. I was loving it!

It meant a lot to me that she asked me to be with her while she got dressed for her big day. She had earlier told me that she considers me to be her sister. I had cried then. Through all this she treated me like a sister. It overwhelmed me. But it was so exciting watching her transform into this stunningly beautiful bride. The folks there did something to my hair and I looked half-decent too. :P

She is the only bride I know of who made fun of herself on the wedding night. You really had to be there to witness the madness that that hour was.

I wish I had stayed for the pheras. When she formally signed up with him for life. I wish I had stayed, not so much to see her happy, but to see how he expressed what he felt. 

I haven’t seen them since. Soon, at the pending photo shoot, I hope.

Here’s wishing them not just a happy new year, but a lifetime of togetherness through the real shit that will begin now. I am sure she will struggle, but I am surer that they will sail through. 

With all my heart and a lot of love,

Richa