Away From The Women's Coach

She was beginning to hate the man because he had been in that seat since she had walked in. The seat she felt illegitimate ownership of. Simply because she hates standing through her journey. Just then he got up. Her day's first analysis didn't go wrong, she thought. She had expected him to get off at Chhatarpur. He got up at the next station. The discount is allowed. A minute or so after settling in, she noticed that the station had passed but the man was still there. And he remained until one station before hers. He made her morning by being so nice without an iota of expression of that favour.

And while he comfortably hung around, she noticed a guy sitting opposite her. Disheveled, unkempt, at least three days of not having shaved, exhausted, barely managing to keep his eyes open. But rather attractive, she thought. The Umbro bag by his feet, the Adidas shoes, a smart fleece, and a pair of jeans that she knew only looked good from a distance, added to the good looks. She did not realise she had been staring at him until his eyes suddenly popped open and looked straight into hers. She looked on for that extra second and then shied away, knowing he was still looking. After glancing through in both directions, conveniently skipping him, she looked back towards him a second time. His eyes closed again. Her now usual morning tiredness made both their body languages fairly similar. She watched on, admiring the perfect nose, the beard that she knew must feel soft, and the sleepy demeanour which looked like it was much deserved. The next thing she knew, he again caught her looking at him. It was funny this time. She thought of passing a faint smile, but could sense that he won't react. He seemed dazed. She looked away. She did not want it to repeat a third time, but noticed from the corner of her eye that he was now looking at her. She also watched him watch her get up, pull on her bags, and walk out. She guessed that his eyes closed immediately after. And perhaps she's the only one still enjoying the moment.

Or maybe he's still thinking how her shirt did not match with her sweater. And she's thinking, "damn, just this one day!".

Hot!

There is something incredibly sexy about guys with uneven teeth, scarred eyebrows, or even a tough shave.

But all within decent limits. :D

Off Limits

Vulnerable men... tch!

All Yours.

• A friend of 14 years is getting married.
• A friend with whom I once shared the concept of soulmate is getting married.
• A friend decided to get married but unfortunately the relationship ended right after she got engaged.
• A friend/classmate from a few years ago is also getting married.
• And so is another close friend.

It is not like I do not have friends who are already married. But they are all older than me. These are people my age. Women my age.

When I was younger, I used to think 24 is the perfect age for a girl like me to get married. These are all girls like me. But as you may have guessed, my thoughts have changed a tad bit. And I am under an unspoken pressure. Of a different kind.

First of all, today, I do not know a guy I would like to marry. I can force* myself to imagine maybe, but then I don't think he would be imagining as vividly as I would. Secondly, professionally, I am far from settled enough to think about getting married. And thirdly, unlike the situation that most of my female friends find themselves in, I have a strange pressure from extended family and relatives. Even from my dad. I am expected to be VP of an organisation or live & own property in Manhattan before I think about things like marriage. They get the idea from most of my female cousins. The average age at which they got married is 30. So in a way, maybe it's a good thing I am not dating anyone right now because if I went to my parents with the idea of a marriage, I would have to stamp the big L on my forehead myself.

Now, about my thoughts. You know that I want to be VP of an organisation by the time I am 30. There is no doubt about that. And I will get there. Almost beside the point. The point here is that I don't want to be single when that happens. Of course, going by how things move in life, I know I have no control over how life will unfold in the next six years. But this is my perfect world we are talking about tonight.

Some of you whom I may have befriended in the last 2-3 years may not know the romantic in me. You may have even heard me say that I am not romantic. I am aware of times I have said so on this blog too. There are many reasons, incidents, people that make me do that, but yes, I do not like admitting that I too imagine and visualise the perfect world. I may not fancy a typical knight in shining armour or a going-down-on-his-knees scene, or even a desi version of it, but let's just say there isn't no reason why I obsess about things like flowers so much. However, I am good with the pretence. Even that friend of 14 years believes I am more practical than anything else. Sometimes I wish at least there was someone who knew what I really thought. Although I guess that's asking for too much. And... I like being practical too. So what I really wish for is someone who knew when I like being romantic and when I like the practical me to take over.

And then there are these words that echo in my head everytime I let my mind drift in this direction. There was a man who was known to be extremely obnoxious by most people around him. I was one of them. But he had once said that as we grow older, our insecurities, skepticism, and things we are rigid about only increase. And that in turn is not a good thing for a woman who may have to 'adjust' to a lot of things when getting married. And as dry as that sounds to the rebels in us, I personally feel there's truth to it. What adds to my insecurities is the fact that I know as I am growing older, my cynicism and extreme opinions are going off limits. So while I do not want to get married tomorrow morning, I think I will have too much baggage to handle as years pass by. And Subhadip's 'selective progeria' never ceases to haunt every empty moment of my life.

For now, the good thing is that I already have a lot of wedding-y clothes. And I am ready to partayy!! :D

PS - If you are a guy freaking out because of these things that I am saying, I will let you stereotype the moment. But in case you want to date me, why don't you connect with me! :D

*Now you know I do not need to force myself. Some thoughts flow more smoothly because there is no sense to them.

I Want New Clothes

I have lost count of the number of movies I have watched alone at a theatre. While it is no big deal for a lot of people who do the same, it sounds odd to those who have never thought of it as an option. The reason why I am writing about it here is that I 'inspired' two people to do this routine over the past ten days. :D Yes, we must applaud for Ranjan Atreya and Nidhi Bhardwaj. *whistles*

The irony though is that Inception and Aisha - the movies they watched - are still on my to-watch list. Before you judge me for mentioning the two movies in the same breath, I want to tell you... I know. I do. So, don't bother. :)

And I will assure you right here that I won't go for that 'We are Family' shit. I won't ruin my birthday.

I watched Wake up Sid on television today. I like Konkana Sen Sharma. And I like Ranbir Kapoor. And I oh-so-like Rahul Khanna. When the movie released people told me not to waste money on it and I listened to them. But I kinda liked the movie. Maybe because I did not pay for it, but it was a decent evening spent. Especially liked the bit where Aisha is made to realise that the real her deviates from the perception she had of herself. Nothing ground-breaking, but the fact that it was so real a feeling had a genuine connect.

I had a crush on Nagesh Kukunoor once. And not just because he makes good movies. But I am wondering why he has made this wannabe-looking movie with John Abraham in it. Do you know why?

House arrest for multiple reasons is worse than house arrest for a single reason. I feel I am losing out on too much in life these days. So much so that I might just fail at making that year-end list of new things I do every year. I used to joke that among all the firsts, 'my first surgery' would be for the back. Guess I was wrong. This is naaaauuut fun.

On another note, I wonder what is it with men exposing their vulnerability and me getting attracted instantly. From experience I say that it is a very dangerous zone to play in. But what fun are insensitive, closed guys? The funny thing though is that these insensitive guys have a way of exposing their vulnerability. And that one's even more attractive. Gah!

The last few years made me feel that it was okay to be a bitch. I was wrong. I now know because life is being a bitch and I am not liking it. However, since it is hard to change now, I can put it differently. It is more fun when you have another bitch to share things with. Life's a good friend. *pukes*

The Blunt Knife

The luxury of tears that flow,
the luxury of people who notice,
the luxury of family that books tickets for home,
and the luxury of little, material love over and above the unspoken.

Dormancy and the Dhol

The activity (or the lack of it) on this page over the last two months is making me feel like I have aged a little too much for the kind of time span we are talking about. Things might change once I get back to Pune, I don't know. Let's wait for that - just another three days. Maybe it's just this overwhelming pace of life that has kept me away from updating.

As of now, the latest and most interesting update is that my brother is now engaged. I have waited for this occasion for the longest time. I think I was 14 years old ever since I have been planning to look pretty on his wedding. Of course, the marriage changes the family's dynamics too, but that is still a couple of months away.

So I did the whole mehandi, earrings, and pretty clothes jazz over the past few days. I was even forced to buy gold-coloured shoes and wear make-up. Well, what I did to my face apparently does not qualify as make-up, but I think it was just about fine. Especially because it does something to my stomach just the way sequins do. And I swear I have seen enough shiny wedding-y clothes, shoes and bags which look good minus any sequins. Yes, fancy things are made for me too. :D

Apart from all that, I think there is a general issue with some 'nice' men. They don't seem to know how to handle women-related issues in their head. I won't generalise about the type (of men or situations), but everyone has some issue or the other. It's pretty incredible. I think credit also goes to women like me who always seem to attract the wrong kind of men (wrong for us, nice in general - yes, the corporate training also taught me how to be more politically correct).

On a lot more serious note, now I am pretty clear about the kind of job and the kind of organisation I want to join once I finish college. The million dollar question, however, remains that who is willing to hire me!

__

Trivia: Audioslave should feel happy to be owning my first ever cellphone ringtone in six years. That does not mean that I have stopped hating the concept of ringtones. Sometimes life's complusions are plain weird.

Trivia 2: 'Weird' and 'stuff' have been the two most controversial words - independently and together - of the past two months. The irony of it has also been factored in.

Trivia 3: Ranbir Kapoor in Rocket Singh is the hottest thing I have seen in the longest time! Totally reminds of the sardar I had a crush on in WWW! Completely adorable and handsome!!! :D