Did I ever write here about how well I manage to surprise myself?
I'm beyond surprised right now. My hunches, and the 'feeling's that I get about things, are so unbelievably true that I am completely out of words right now. Actually, I am laughing. I'm laughing! At myself, at people, the situations, the circumstances.... AND the things that I imagine followed up by a true, 100% reality of the same. It is just so incredible! The visions that I get come true. How can they come true? They're the most absurd (till the time they are only in my head) things on earth. These are thoughts that I do not even share with friends because I know I'm better off keeping them to myself. Then days/months/years pass.... and I see the same goddamn thing happening. In reality. My limited vocabulary will leave it at, "dude, this is crrazy!". I am struggling with words. And I am struggling with thoughts too.
Funny shit.
Now I know for sure why situations don't surprise me. Because at some level I pre-empt them. Almost always.
*Actually, far from hysteria. But incessant laughs come closest to that word, I think.
One radio station or the other plays the masakkali song every morning at 8:40. I remember how they used to play come to me by Abhishek Bachchan every morning at a fixed time too. But it's funny how masakkali tells me how late I am running. Sometimes I am at East of Kailash when it plays, and today I was still at AIIMS when it played. But it was bhaiya who got us late today. No, I'm not complaining.. he drops me to work every morning. :P
I wasn't complaining about the horrible weather during the weekend either 'coz I was having a good time with friends. And shopping too. :P But that thing about variation in pace of life that everyone always talks about when you compare a large metro to a smaller city is true. Things that I used to do before leaving Delhi suddenly seem to suck out a fairly large chunk of energy now. But then working close to nine hours in office and not be tired at all is also because of the pace at which we work in college. Fair tradeoff, I'd say.
Oh, did I tell you that I got flowers this weekend? :D And silver jewellery too? :D And new clothes as well? :D Yes, I'm having quite a party thanks to a couple of nice people around. And I'm watching a new season of Grey's Anatomy too. :D
Aaaand my VP told me more than once that he likes the work that I've done so far! :D
If the coming weekend turns out to be the way I want it... life will be even better.
... of my life. 99% of the things mentioned below were first-timers. I have mentioned a lot of these earlier as well, but just thought of putting it all together.
Badminton games in the evenings
A trip to Jamshedpur via Mumbai and Kolkata
Festo'Comm - hearing people from the industry talk of a few interesting things
Trip to Ajanta and Ellora
All-nighters for marketing presentations
Drinking and getting drunk for the first time
A break-up
A friendship fuck-up
Elections
A lone party
Calls to the US
Longer calls with Avan
Bonding with my roommate, detaching (when needed) in a snap too
Adapting to a completely new way of living
Visiting the new thing on campus - Shree, the not so cheap dhaba
Strengthening the friendship with Swetha
Feeling guilt when not guilty; made to feel even more guilty
Having some of the most awesome people teach me
Obeying rules made by some of the most fucked-in-the-head people too
Learning how to, and then wearing a sari every Saturday
So desperate for good food at all times that I even ate curry from a plate of chicken once
Watch people act on stage after quite a few years
Allowing the passion-related discomfort get to me once again
Spending lonely moments
Watching stars in the sky
Feeling the setting sun every evening
Spending an entire term without a Sub
Being angry enough to pull out a key from the keypad of my laptop
Interacting with someone whom I could find inspiring
Travelling to Mumbai for an interview which turned out to be my best ever
My first flowery dress
A sense of loss so strong that I stood howling in a corridor
Envious of someone's hair for the first time ever
Signing proxies for friends; getting some done for myself too
Helplessly watching the line between black and white blur
Did I mention truckloads of academics too?
What makes it even more enriching is the fact that these things weren't stand-alone. There was so much more to each event, each feeling, each hurdle and each experience!
It’s a phase where I am getting bogged down by the legacy of a brand that I carry with myself wherever I go. I thought I washed it out when I joined my present college, but turns out I was wrong. I know I can be enthused by this fact and use it to my advantage, but right now I’m somehow not in a position to do that, and it quite sucks.
___
This is the fifth office that I am in. And I have had enough number of people around me to talk about their offices as well. I think if I say that I want to work in a place where the ultimate management is not in Indian hands, it would not be a baseless statement. There is a difference in culture that trickles down. I don’t like working in non-clean, low on decorum, high decibel level kind of places.
___
I have felt pressure in and realised incompetence of my college on various occasions, but I have always accepted things the way they are. It takes a lot for this college to frustrate me with its system because I was prepared to face whatever shit they dole out. I do comment and crib, but that’s more like a routine thing and playing along with everyone else around. But today, I am bloody pissed. I hate this director, and I hate him! He might like to believe he is a workaholic, and people might like to believe that he has a strong network, but the fucker thinks that the world can function on his whims. Someone tell him he is wrong. He is one of the people I will get back at one day in life. He is making me succumb to things that I strongly oppose, and I will so not let him get away with it. Whenever my day comes.
___
On a lighter note...
I am the only woman on my floor in this office. And it is not exciting at all. I think something in me is dying.
Jargon rules in this industry. I’m going to have a tough time. Minutes of a meeting are referred to as service report. Bledy.
P.S. – I got more piercings in my ears. One of them is hurting. But I’m happy.
On April 14th, I realised that I was done with pushing myself. At least for now. I worked through the day, had a quiet dinner down at Shree with a couple of friends, and then stayed up ALL night packing everything, and only managed one hour's sleep after sealing all cartons and shoving them into a corner. The morning felt a little lazy, but the motivation to come home was enough to push a little more. All flights from Pune to Delhi were delayed because of congestion and construction work at the IGI airport. So we waited and waited. Laughed and laughed too. And those were two horrible sentences. Basically, Gopika Gulati and Sahil Chopra decided to entertain me, and I enjoyed myself.
I slept a bit on the flight, and spent the rest of the time being excited. :D
The Delhi airport is shaping up well. Mom and dad were a delight to see. Hearing a stranger talk in punjabi felt familiar. I know it has only been about four months, but I had really forgotten how wide the roads here are.
Since technically I do not have a single day off (today I had permission to travel), I could not just let the world fuck itself and sleep at home. I needed to pay some people to make me look presentable.
Off the to-do list: Haircut that feels awesome Golgappe Good dinner with family Cake and other meetha A bit of shopping too And some surprises from the family
I will be joining work tomorrow morning. Following that, I will worry about the remainder of submissions. :|
First exam in the morning was design technology. I had a daffy duck to make. I managed it decently well. Well enough to get a B-, I think. Enough for me considering my skill set.
Next exam was for a module called self study. But since it is self study, I hardly ever study the presribed stuff. But to a question about Tata Motors and their market penetration, market development and integrative growth opportunities, I wrote like I own Tata Motors. "Feel aa gayi." :P
Next up, I had money in my account which was not mine. 50K to be reimbursed to people. And I needed cartons to pack my stuff. So I ran and caught the afternoon bus to the city to get the work done. Swetha gave me company. The two of us were all over the place, and ended up not getting time for lunch. Got free by about 4:15 p.m., and we had to catch the 5:00 p.m. bus back to campus. We realised we were very close to Mocha that time. We've been quite the losers this term 'coz we have really visited the city once in three weeks for a couple of hours on an average. Being sweaty and hassled, we looked like ragpickers with all the cartons in our hands. But we had 50K in a bag along with a big bottle of Old Munk for friends who'd instructed us to get it as well. Felt extremely funny.
I went to Mocha after several years and the happiest thing was that it was smoke-free indoors. Remember hating it in GK I. We talked non-stop about the funnest things on earth, had the best of shakes, and ate good stuff too. It's ok to splurge once in a while. But like I was joking that time, "life on the go" isn't fun if it becomes way too literal. We could not even savour our shakes 'coz we had only 40 minutes to spend in the place. But we made the most of it.
Tonight was the farewell for the senior batch. Since I merrily spent half of the last one month in a daze, I had too much work on me to be partying through the night. So I decided not to go. None of my friends were going either. The evening passed. And at about 8:30ish, Ritesh called three of us individually and said the corniest of things to convince us to take the last bus to the party venue. (Yes, our village always has buses to go to various places) We gave in, and then ran in different directions to dig up clothes and shoes and razors and make-up. 15 odd minutes, and we were out. And excited too. :D
The party was fun. I was happy high for a bit. Danced like crrrazy after really long. And I am very happy to have done that. I SO needed it.
I was not carrying my camera at the time of running in the city during the afternoon. So I do not have the awesome frames from Mocha to show you. But I do have a couple of pictures from the party. Enjoy. :D
He thought that the two were lucky to have got this photo-op. They obviously do not agree.
The naach - Robin and Ridhima
Some more of the naach - Swetha
Ritesh, the baap of all senti talk. But I think I am thankful to him for having forced me to go.
We've had the most inane conversations of late. Yesterday we were sitting at the edge of a pseudo balcony of the hostel, overlooking the hills in the distance, and talking of the best times of our past. We had management books open as well. :P
They're a cute couple. :) We were wondering why their clothes weren't colour coded today.
Jamshedpur wale Ranjan ji. :)
Sahil and Swetha
Ye bhi Jamshedpur se hain. Kausik Misra. Aur chhichhore dance mein humare partner hain. Had an obscene amount of fun with him today.
Priyam!!:D
The third one from Jamshedpur. Soumajit. He's been my badminton partner through many games that we managed to win. That is when I used to find time to play in the first half of the term. :|
The party closed. Robin and Priyam made the final pose.
I just realised I have the whole of Jharkhand in these pictures with me. Swetha's also from Bokaro. :)
Expression. Inexpressive. Snap. Draw a line. Discomfort. Surrender. Hold on. Let go. Distance.
__
One thing that I really appreciate about a lot of people around me is the fact that they appreciate my being honest with them. I realise that I end up being too blunt at times, but they understand. They're quite nice. :) And people who don't know me find me to be the meanest thing around even when I do not intend to be mean. Prices.
__
I think I will buy a macro lens soon. It's a superbly exciting thought. The exclamation mark-deserving thought. :D
__
Four more exams to go. Lots of packing to do. Four big submissions to make. A trip to Chandigarh. And joining at work. I am hoping post the 20th of this month I will get to breathe a little.
God bless the creators of good music on this earth. Seriously.
__
I have found my talent. My art. It is fucking up exams for subjects that I love to the core. And making sure that I never ever score well in those. In school it was biology. I cried every time I got my papers back. In college it was the only subject that I loved - macro economics. I remember crying and howling after the exam because I knew every thing that was there to that subject, and still I managed to fuck it up. And today it was marketing. I knew stuff. It was one paper I was well prepared for. And one should see what I wrote during the exam. If I were to correct that paper, I'd make sure I won't pass. Icing on the cake? Like for a few other things, this place didn't even let me mourn for it. The next exam was scheduled 30 minutes after that one. And this is where "life is unfair" is applicable for me.
I can now differentiate between me and the self. Helps give a better perspective. And heightens the sense of responsibility too.
For now, I am hating WTO for their mere existence, hoping that I really do remember enough economics to write an exam without devoting much time to the subject, and praying that I don't fuck up my favourite prof's paper tomorrow. Yes, it's half a day for three subjects. Shoot me!
Oh, I also felt like a crazy journalist today. I needed to speak with a few industry professionals for an assignment, and I was doing that today because the deadline was in the evening. Aviation was the sector I had to focus on, and I spoke with a pilot when he was gearing up to take off. Could hear airplanes in the background. It was funny. "Just two more questions, please." Felt idiotic for sure, but got my work done too. :P
Achha I'm going to study now. Wish me luck. Byee!!
Delhi lets you be. Delhi intrudes. Delhi can be very damp, and it can let you breathe too.
For three consecutive nights, I have gotten into a conversation about Delhi with someone or the other. With someone, I was defending the culture. To someone else I was explaining how the stereotype does exist in reality. With another person I was discussing how Delhi is probably cosmopolitan in the truest sense of the word for the sheer coexistence of conflict and blend that people manage between them. And then I talked about the one cause and movement that I feel strongly about... Blank Noise.
The Delhi that I know... the Delhi that I have seen and experienced..t he Delhi that lives in my heart, and this is what my mind thinks of Delhi....
The stereotype?
Yes, Mrs. Sharma does live in the neighbourhood. Goldie does have a Santro with fancy ‘art’ sprayed on it. Most corners on the street do stink of fomenting piss. The large, green trees do beautify the even larger roads. Most chaat walas serve chaat that you can enjoy. You really can buy clothes worth Rs 35 to beat the summer heat. The letch on the street will surely manage to come up with a creative pass. You will not drive down any busy road without a BC-MC playing in the background. You will have the prettiest women walking around in fancy market places of south Delhi. You will also have pseudo-pretty old ladies with coloured hair, make-up, bling bag and weird clothes walking around in the same fancy market places of south Delhi. You can manage to strike a conversation with an auto-wala above an average age of 35 about anything under the sun. Old Delhi will certainly not disappoint you with the food it offers. The Metro is seriously the cleanest public space. The same Mrs. Sharma will not get sleep if she does not offer you her saag and kadi if you live next door. The best blend of Haryanwi and Bihari will greet you in buses and cabs. And you can’t miss the ‘hello ji’ for most people will offer you that too. If you’re street smart and have a thing for breaking rules and getting away with them, all your narratives of funny incidents to friends will be about your rendezvous with the thullas you cross on the streets.
I can go on... but I also want to write a bit about my experience of things beyond the stereotype. Perhaps a rather myopic view, but it is what I have really experienced.
When you walk alone down a busy street, you can choose to look at the people around you who will totally engross you with their activities and conversations. You can also choose to space out and they’ll let you be as well. Board a blueline and you will get to feel the pulse of the city because it’s hard to come by a bus which does not have the radio playing in it. Delhi listens to the radio. And I cannot emphasise on this point enough. Travellers talk of a state’s dynamics changing as you move along a belt, I am telling you that you can sense the changing dynamics of Delhi just as you keep switching bus routes. Take a bus to my place on a Sunday, and you cannot fail to find groups of Mallu women on their weekly shopping trip to the INA market. You won’t just see them, you’ll hear them loud and clear. Non-stop. Sit on a bus to Kashmere Gate in the mornings, you’ll feel you’ve experienced the north campus on a bus itself. For that matter, take a 420 at 7:00 pm and you’ll feel the people look alien if your background is similar to mine. And a Gurgaon DTC at 9:30 am can be found with perfume all over because most of the people on it are white-collared professionals.
(This just makes me realise that I’m done with my share of travelling in buses. :-|)
Anyway, moving on...
Wherever you may turn your head, you will find a frame worth capturing. The most innocent-looking kid looking to have fun his way, the dog playing with a bag of trash, the old lady haggling with the fruit vendor, the old men’s group sipping tea together, the couple with strong beliefs in PDA, the consortium of ice-cream wala bhaiya, churan wala bhaiya, gubbare wala bhaiya, and all the bhaiyas sitting together and cooking up unknown stories. The colours of different seasons in the air, the colours of different brands on bus shelters, and the colours of different cultures floating around in human form.
Delhi can be ruthless with its heat, its men, and the frustrations it breeds as a city of conflicted minds.
At the same time, Delhi is generous with the space, the smiles and the warmth it gives you.
If you didn't know already, I'm homesick and I want to be with my family right now. I know it's just another week left, but the term's been too long. Waiting for the flight to take off.
And for the lack of flow and abruptness of this post, blame the work that I brought to the last minute which made me write this post in parts.
