Fuchsia

The Fairy Tale Girl

2012-01-29T02:58:00.000+05:30

I do not think I have acknowledged her presence in my life as it is deserved. She struggles with a lot of things that let her down, but is one person who has been very true to the friendship she and I share. I cannot claim to have done so, and I know she is aware of that too. She chooses to ignore. She chooses to be nice. She is important.

It was always fun to hang out with her, is very dependable too, but she never crossed over for some reason. Surprisingly, in the last few months, I realised it was never too difficult. I guess it just needed time.

She notices me when I feel I am lost. She pampers me when nobody else cares. She has adjusted to my awkward ways rather well. She hugs me every day even though I rarely return the gesture. She is the only one who thinks I am 'hot'. She is the only one who thinks I am a good photographer. She herself has clicked some of my best photographs. She is the only one who finds all my stupidities endearing.

She is loud. She talks about potty. She likes Sex and the City. She loves vampires. She loves black. She knows how to wear make-up. She loves saying 'awww'. She loves the RAIN! A 'type' very easy for me to feel, ahem!, otherwise for. But it's Priyam. Not a type.

She is always the one behind the lens. She quietly absorbs. She is the giver. She worships her parents. She does not let go.

From addressing me as 'Bhardwaj', she has now moved to 'Doggu'. Rather drastic. But I know I would not have let anyone else call me that. There are very few things that I have a clear image of in my head. There are very few things that I am sure about. One of them is how I want her future to pan out. From where I am, I wish well.

Minds Without Fear

2012-01-27T23:17:00.000+05:30

I repeatedly listened to this song on my Port Blair-Kolkata-Delhi flight earlier this month. Among other things, the resonating sound was something I felt like not letting go of. And the view from my window? Snow-capped Himalayas in the distance. They accompanied me almost the entire distance from Kolkata to Delhi. I have accepted the invite. Just need to finalise the dates.

Who Cares!

2012-01-19T21:30:00.000+05:30

I do not remember the last time I felt nice going out of my way to be nice to someone. It just leads to sore disappointments. Nobody seems to be able to appreciate it. Nobody respects it. That is an unfortunate fact about our generation.

Gah!

2012-01-17T18:31:00.000+05:30

Some days are just pointlessly blah. I do not even have a reason to feel this way, and that makes it so embarrassing given the people and their problems around me these days. Not that I have a reason to compare, but they give me dirty looks when I crib. Too many serious people around me. Too many 'real' issues that they are dealing with. And these are people I like. The fact that I cannot do anything to make their situations better is making me more uncomfortable than I would like. I need more work(!).

Sazish Mein Shamil Zamana

2012-01-15T23:16:00.002+05:30

I think you already know that nothing surpasses my love for travel and seeing new places. And I think you also already have the context of my childhood being rather dull on this front. So now I do not leave any opportunity at all for stepping out!

While growing up, I was one of those kids who were scared of most things that involved physical activity. Add to that the fact that I had little exposure or push towards anything other than academics. I was generally scared of many other things too, and some of those fears tagged all along. One of them being the fear of being in water. I never thought about learning how to swim, and the related fear was rather obvious. I never saw the sea until I was 22, so I didn't know what it offers either. Obviously I was scared of the waves when I first saw them!

And then arrived this day for take-off to the Andaman Islands! Vasu had suggested that I should do snorkelling there. Shagun told me that scuba diving is the real deal, and that's what I should do. I was excited about every tip that I got from people before leaving. I had booked tickets for this January trip more than a month in advance. But deliberately did not plan anything for it because then I usually find it difficult to contain my excitement. So I surfed the internet a day or so in advance to just know what are the places that I should see when I get there. I had beaches on my mind. White sand and turquoise blue is what I pictured. And some peace. I got it all. And a little more. I did what was unthinkable for me till not so long ago. I did what most of my friends would have never expected me to do. I dived! I went under water. Over 30 feet deep.

I first enquired about it at my hotel in Wandoor. Among other things, I was told that I would be taken 15-20 minutes, in a boat, into the sea, for the dive. That was just the beginning of the information-gathering process. The following day I was to take a boat to Ross Island, which is about 15 minutes away from Port Blair. My first sea journey! Everything was perfect, except that I related the "15-20 minutes into the sea" with what I saw just five minutes into the sea. Waves in the middle of the sea are not friendly. That's the kind of shit that swallows you. I could not fathom how somebody could dive into that. I got reminded of our ZNMD scuba diving scene and had the image of the heroes emerging out of the water somewhere in the middle of the sea. It freaked me out. As much as I liked the idea of scuba diving, there was no way I would have overcome that scare. It was impossible. Add to that the fact that it was something I had to do alone. I thought a lot about it, and finally spoke with Priyam who has done a rather cool certification in this diving business. Her response, "zero or 0.1 per cent" to my doubt about probability of drowning was almost a deciding factor. It was very, very comforting. That was on Wednesday morning. I was on my way to North Bay with Mom and her colleagues. Then I decided that I would go ahead with snorkelling there, and accordingly finalise the diving plan. "Pappu" is really the word that came to my mind after I was done snorkelling! Suddenly I could not wait to go down and see things for real. I got out, messaged Priyam to help me figure details of someone who could take me diving the following day at Havelock Islands, and there I was, talking to Nikhil at Andaman Bubbles. He just asked me my shoe size, my tee size, and we were good to go. My instructor was to receive me as soon as I reach the island in the morning. And there he was! Guy with curly hair, a beard, and a blue PADI tee. Akshay. Greetings, me taking full responsibility for killing myself in the process, and we headed out in a motor boat for that 15-20 minute ride into the sea. Except that it is not 'into' the sea. It is to a diving site where the water is also calm. I was made to pull on my suit and shoes, and then began the practice session. Most of it was easy. I took some time getting a hang of how to let water out of my mask, and in the process ended up drinking the salt water too, but I did get it. Things were simple. Akshay was to do the swimming. He was to take care of my breathing apparatus. And he only had full control of my life saving gear. All I had to do was breathe! A lifetime of dealing with cold and living with night guard for bruxism certainly made breathing through the mouth with rubber in there very easy.

I remember exclaiming out loud the moment we set out for the dive. Akshay got slightly concerned, I think. All that had happened though was that I got my first rush. I was floating in the sea. For someone who has never even floated in a pool. Looking up at the open sky, with water beneath me, and a cool breeze making the experience perfect, I was already on a high! Soon we immersed ourselves in, and Akshay went somewhere above me, to my left. I could not see him any more. That made me slightly uncomfortable, but that didn't last. I had other things vying for my attention. I do not know how to describe what I saw inside. There were so many fishes! So many colours. Sun's rays. Quiet. And someone to keep a check on how I was doing. Time froze again. There wasn't a sound that I did not want to hear. There was nowhere else I'd have rather been. While all these thoughts are in retrospect, I did feel a wave of something overwhelming go through me some 20 minutes of being in there. But I let it pass. It was not required.

I did not talk after coming up. Akshay had to call out a couple of times before I gave him one little hi!. I had zoned out. And I did not want to come back to reality. I did not even speak during our boat ride back to civilisation. There was peace till deep within. And the sun was shining bright. He was smiling, it seems.

Bruises from the dive - my only memoir of having done it!

Some other things that made the trip amazing:

Ross Island

Like I mentioned, it is one of the closest islands to Port Blair, and certainly worth a few hours. I went there absolutely alone, and enjoyed every single moment spent there. The British had some life there in 19th and early 20th century. Now it only has remains of buildings from that time. Now it is just a very well maintained, unpolluted, serene space. I know I stood by one of the boundary walls with my mouth open for long enough to realise so and feel silly about, later. I smiled to myself. I talked to the sea. It was the second day of the trip and I had already begun to feel that I have got my money's worth!

It was so good to see these guys not being afraid of humans at all!

Wandoor Beach

Wandoor is in south Andaman. This is where I stayed. It wasn't my decision, and certainly not the right choice if you want to see all that there is to the islands. It is about 35 kms from the airport and the main city, and you will end up travelling up north for most of the places that you want to visit. But Wandoor does have a very beautiful beach. It is actually more of a lagoon, but definitely worth spending some time on. Our resort had a private gate opening straight on to the beach, and I quite liked that. On my first day there I paid my homage to the sea and clicked a few pictures of the splendid sunset.

I spent Wednesday evening there again, and I swear, the exhilarating feeling cannot be captured in words. There were hardly any people around. It was just the water, the sun and me. I did spot some pretty big crabs too, but they were minding their own business.

It was the morning of our checkout date that I went for a long walk and discovered that the beach is inhabited by salt water crocodiles and swimming there is prohibited. Thanking my stars, yes, I am. Cursing the hotel staff, yes, I am.

One can go to Jolly Buoy and Red Skin Island from Wandoor, which I hear are quite pretty. But I did not get a chance to go there.

North Bay Island

This one is also called the Coral Island, I hear. And this is where I went snorkelling. There were far too many people for me to enjoy sitting by the sea. And there is no beach here either. However, you can go for a little trek if you like. And that is what I did. But instead of climbing up, I decided to follow a little trail along the sea. The jungle reminded me of the damp monsoons of Western Ghats. I kept walking straight until I found a spot from where I could not see all those people or hear the water scooters. This vacation was meant to be my time away from madness, and I guess that is what I was invariably trying to get at each time I was out. And it worked. You don't need anything as long as nature keeps you engaged.

Havelock Islands and Radhanagar Beach

I did not do justice to this one. One must spend at least a night there. The journey from Port Blair takes close to 90 minutes by sea. I took the private ship, Macruzz, and am told it is far superior to what the government offers. It surely was clean and smooth.

Radhanagar is all about white sand and turquoise waters. The waves are rhythmic. I don't think I even need to mention that few things in the world match being there. It is beautiful and I am surely going to go back there.

Corbyn's Cove

This is a little beach in Port Blair itself. Not something worth visiting if you have already been to Radhanagar. But very pretty and well maintained for a city beach.

Cellular Jail

The famous kaala paani! The jail-turned-museum is interesting, but at the same time rather morose with details of the pain that people went through while serving time there. I spent far too much time there - first alone and then with Mom, also stayed back for the light and sound show. I was told it would be interesting, but it wasn't really so good.

I had planned a day for Baratang, which apparently has limestone caves, but that didn't work out. And looking at the map, I feel like I should go back and spend another two weeks or so there before coming back to this jungle.

This has been a very, very long post. Possibly my longest ever. But then it was my longest vacation ever, too. Deserved the space.

Oh, I must mention, GoAir was the cherry on my cake. Absolutely no complaints!

To 2012!

2012-01-02T13:33:00.000+05:30

2010 messed me up. Royally. In 2011, I made an effort to be good to my mind, and I think I succeeded to a fair extent. Some days and weeks were stupid, but I allow myself that much leeway. As for 2012, the aim is to be good to the body. I did cut down on some junk in '11 too, but this one has got to be more focused.

Good luck, RB!

Being Stupid Contd.

2011-12-29T12:57:00.000+05:30

I can behave in a socially agreeable manner only in a controlled environment. I do not know why this conveniently skips my mind. Doesn't do me any good. Ever. Ever!

Bokeh

2011-12-25T17:02:00.000+05:30

I began the year on a nervous note. I was not sure about how I would handle it...

It was the first year where I worked from January to December with exactly two weeks' break in the middle. So, it did fly by. But I think I managed to squeeze in enough to at least manage this post. Like I insist, lessons don't mean much unless I learn them myself. I finally figured that a minute, a moment, a day, are all enough if you really want to do something, get anywhere. It is the will that matters most. And with that thought, here's my snapshot of 2011!

# Entered an ocean full of opportunities led by the gods themselves!

# Had to get my nose re-pierced

# Four key travel outings in northern, western, southern, and central India. Beginning 2012 with the south-east. :D

# Did one semi-nude photoshoot which, I think, had turned out to be pretty good!

# Had a massive crush on an extremely nice guy

# My involvement with the big screen became extremely romantic

# Struggled with the health through one more year

# Watched Zakir Hussain live

# Spent money to watch a play for the first time

# Tried out some new restaurants and cafes in the city

# That story had another chapter unfolding this year

# Bought gold

# Said definite goodbye to Maggi and eggs, they are my allergies of the year

# Turned 25 and got my first surprise party

# Found the force in the sun

# Rode a tonga

# 10 years ago, I would not have worn an orange skirt even if you offered me money. And now, it is a dear possession

# It was the year of spotting cute men in the metro

# Taj Mahal dekha!

# OD'd on chocolate

# Drove on the streets cheering along with strangers when India won the cricket world cup

# Bought a LOT of white clothes

# Do not detest black any more. :)

# Picked a fight with Manu Joseph :P

# Visited banks of the Yamuna

# Sat on a negotiation table for Rs. 88 lakhs and contributed to the winning side

# Dreamt about going to Ladakh. Hopefully next year.

# Gave presents to some people when they were not expecting it. Felt nice.

# One more failed attempt at the gym

# Had my first serious scary moment when that man disappeared at the cemetery in Wayanad

# Got some of my photographs printed and framed for home

# Hated rains even more

# Said a very difficult 'no'

# Made a highly entertaining trip tot the Toilet Museum

# Wrapped my camera up

# Started using a BlackBerry

# Experienced Bombay at leisure for the first time

# Obsessively listened to some sufi songs

# Made my annual trip to the emergency room of a hospital

# Also had a blackout followed by a scary ECG

# Did not purchase a single bag this year. Maybe I should buy one as a new year present.

# Changed the blog's look after really long, and quite like what I have now!

# I did not delete some text messages from the phone. They have got to feature here! A consolidated version would look something like this:

"Airtel welcomes you to...

Haryana

Rajasthan

Gujarat

Maharashtra & Goa

Himachal Pradesh

Punjab

Madhya Pradesh

Uttar Pradesh

Kerala

Tamil Nadu

Karnataka"

I know I didn't go to all these states, but I did go through them all to fewer destinations! :D

# Cleartrip called me a 'frequent traveller' (ahem)

# I finally discovered the beautiful world of net banking

# TV gave us The Dewarists

# Got listed on an India Influencer Index on Twitter :P

...but I do think we managed to handle each other fairly well. 2012, are you going to last?

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T16:38:00.000+05:30

I have not taken any medicines in the last two weeks or so. It gives a feeling that is hard to describe because I do not remember the last time I went so long without at least one pill a day. I would have been happier if my body really did not need any medicines during this period, but right now I am okay playing this little game of denial too. It feels SO good!

It has been a perfect weekend so far. Friday night was with our man from Goa, Ranjan R. Atreya. I cannot believe that I have known him for over three years and did not know of his middle name until now. It's shameful! But TGIF gave us some very cheesy food and fairly potent mojitos. And Priyam added to the laughter dose of the evening. The weather was cold enough. I had no complaints.

Yesterday I happened to meet Chetak after four years. Time changes, times change.

Check out some spectacular Christmas images from across the world at http://t.co/eWk8Wa2j. They're beautiful!!

2011 and Me

2011-12-21T10:43:00.001+05:30

Colour of the year - Orange
Song of the year - Bawra mann...
TV series of the year - The Dewarists
Fruit of the year - Apple
Most dearly missed entity of the year - Eggs
Best buy of the year - the silver hoops
Best trip of the year - Wayanad
Surprise of the year - the book on driving in the mountains given by NB
Actor of the year - Gulshan Devaiah
The year's best brands - Mango & Hugo Boss
Knowledge god of the year - TSV
Innovations of the year - Google Doodles
Metro buddy of the year - Lynn
The year's most awesome sunset - Orchha
The year's most interesting insights - Food sector regulations
.
.
.
and I just lost my trail of thought...

The Month So Far...

2011-12-18T00:37:00.000+05:30

I completed six months in my current job. There is some degree of inertia at present, but I am hoping that would pass soon.

Attended Avan's brother's engagement ceremony. Barring the fact that I was inappropriately dressed for the occasion, everything was perfect. The two looked perfect together. It was such a nice feeling being in that positive space that evening! Happy for them.

Began with yet another attempt towards fitness. Endomondo is giving me company. So far so good - the face has begun to show some results. But a long, long way to go.

Also applied for my first non-sick leave in this office. And booked my tickets to Port Blair. Yes, January 2012, I am already looking forward to seeing you. And the beaches, of course.

Played Secret Santa in office and made some effort to be nice to my kin. I hear she was happy with her presents.

Oh, oh... I handled the Nikon D3X with a 50 mm lens! I instantly fell in love with its body, the picture clarity, and the very look of every image. Of course, I do still love Canon, but what the hell, the camera is bloody brilliant and there is no reason why one should not acknowledge that. Milan Kishorpuria, thank you!

I rediscovered my love for Simpoo Sir! I love him. I love his presence on Twitter. And I am very keen on finding out and meeting the person who manages this handle. Simpoo Sir ki jai!

After thinking that it was time to move on, I got my nose pierced again.

Last night, I attended the office's year-end party and it turned out to be more fun than I expected it to be. In fact, I didn't think I was going to attend one of these I-know-most-people parties any more. But I did, and I danced so much that my legs are still hurting from all the jumping. I also stepped out in that 5 degrees of cold. Bwaaaah!

Met Nidhi, Iyengar, and Abhimanyu after several months today. Laughter session, yes!

Tomorrow, Tughlaqabad Fort!

Evergreen

2011-12-11T00:45:00.000+05:30

It has been playing in a loop for several weeks now and I cannot get enough of it.

Sound of Laughter

2011-11-29T21:28:00.000+05:30

It's good to be single. It's good to have a few, close friends. It's good to have space. The 'good times' are important too, if they are an option. So I took up the option and decided to put that restlessness of all the previous posts and weeks to rest. It meant spending money which I did not need to. It meant going to a city that I wasn't particularly fond of. It certainly did not translate into a vacation because my definition of that word was bound by the place that I visit. But then I did do all of it because I wanted time with some of my most favourite people.

God bless Gmail for all the emails that it lets me write to these lovely people. I crib, I laugh, I babble, and I am myself. Why go all the way to Mumbai then, you might ask. Because emails cannot substitute tight hugs and the sound of laughter.

There was Ridhima, there was Swetha, there was Ruhi, and Robin and Avan. Baij too! Well, Swetha is in Delhi too, but this was about all of us being together. Ruhi is in Chennai these days, and she came as well.

Swetha and I were to travel together. I had heard bad things about GoAir, but my 8:15 pm flight was above ground at 8:15 pm. We landed on time too. The flight was great. We talked non-stop, a first for me because I compulsively sleep on flights. Ridhima and Bhavya came to pick us. Baij was on the same flight as us, so Avan had come to pick him. She welcomed me too. With the sweetest welcome note!

We grabbed a quick bite, and went to a place called Escobar. It greeted us with good music, and we spotted Madhur Bhandarkar, Rohit Roy and Randeep Hooda. Well, that was just for the record. :P

We talked, the music got better, the place grew on me, and I had a wonderful time! Swetha did the dance too.

From Escobar we went to Bandstand. I had heard a lot about it and one really can't expect anything ordinary from the sea. It was a no moon night, the tide was high, and the breeze was perfect. My mind split into two for those few moments of sitting there. Well, the sea deserved the attention. :)

The night as well as the following morning at Ridhima's was like going back in time. It was comfortable and pleasant.

Then Swetha left for her next destination, and Robin took a little break only to meet Ridhima and me for lunch a while later. And guess who else was there for lunch - Ruuhii, my love!!! We went to Chez Moi in Bandra. I liked it. The food was okay-ish, and I paid little attention to it. Ridhima had to leave a little early, but Robin, Ruhi and their pitcher of sangria were enough to make the afternoon perfect. I wanted time to freeze.

Ruhi & Robin with their sangria

Ridhima in her new look

Quintessential expressions

Robin became the butt of this joke

Uff! There was a photographer at work!

Angry Birds at Candies. We had something better for dessert.

Then it was Avan time! Evening was at her place. Robin was nice enough to drop me there. And before we knew it, it was time for dinner, and Robin and Ruhi were back at Avan's. We had not reached a conclusion for our dinner/drinks destination, and we were not even ready. But we managed to figure it all while Avan's friends joined us.

Dinner: we went to Copper Chimney which was only a short walk away from her house in Khar. I laughed a lot. I was conscious about the fact that it is a very rare thing now, and I wanted time to freeze a second time that day. I did not want to move. I did not want anyone to leave. Not even the people I was not talking to. It was my picture perfect moment. Only it was so much more than that.
It was already midnight by the time we wrapped dinner. Par raat abhi jawan thi. We went to Shiros from there. The place was bloody crowded. Just the kind I easily detest. But we went straight to the bar, ordered our drinks, had one after the other, and literally danced into the night. I was fine. Make that happy after a point. I demanded that the DJ announced and wished me a happy birthday just like all the other birthdays were being announced. Ruhi got him to. I demanded that one of the bartenders came and danced with me. Baij got his manager to agree. The guy was shy and cute. Haha... I embarrassed him!

With my lovelies!

I think we left from there around 3:30 am. Avan was keen on going to Marine Drive, so she, Baij and I went. But I don't think we stayed there because the cops were already sending people off. Apparently I talked endlessly. I was enjoying it. Feeling free with the one person whom I can trust with my eyes closed. Literally.
I also managed to avoid doing anything stupid with my phone.

Next morning was very late. Well, technically, not for me because I woke up 8:30 am and barely got any sleep after that. Yet, the breakfast date with Ruhi and Robin was cancelled. Because clearly I was not the only one who had a late night. I only managed to go to Carter Road for lunch with Avan and Baij. The place smelled bad, but it was beautiful. Reinstated my pending need for a beach vacation. The food was ordinary, but our conversation was not.
They then took me aboard a local train (my first!) to Bombay Central to ensure that I don't miss my Rajdhani to Delhi. Trains are always fun!! The local was good too because it was a Sunday afternoon and not crazy rush hour.

Bombay local

Bombay is as rough as Delhi can be. Bombay is as warm as Delhi can be. It's your people who make a difference. Nothing else does. Except that Bombay had me sweating while Delhi welcomed me back with a cold breeze.

I feel refreshed. My heart rate is back to normal. Oh, how I love them all! I am almost in a mind to give Bombay a piece of my heart. At least an html one.

Avan, it was certainly not hell. You know why.

2011: Hello, Woollen Socks!

2011-11-28T17:59:00.001+05:30

There has been activity galore in the last ten days. While the Goa plan could not materialise yet another time, I did check two other trips that were pending.

Mother had been wanting to go to Chintpurni, HP since last summer. We finally managed to go there during the 19-20 November weekend. The highlight was the fact that Dad agreed to come along. I don't remember the last time the entire family took a trip together. So, Mom, Dad, Bhai, the bhabhi, and me started by taking a long walk towards the Amritsar Shatabdi on 19th morning. As always, I was excited to get on to a train. But after having travelled by the Bhopal Shatabdi earlier this year, I was disappointed to see the uncomfortable seats and the badly maintained coaches. Maybe it was just an old coach of an old train, but I liked the Bhopal Shatabdi more. Nevertheless, the view of foggy mustard fields into Punjab made up for it all.

We took the train till Ludhiana, and then took a cab up to the hills. Highlights:

Lunch at Baabe da Vaishno Dhaba by the state highway in Hoshiarpur was to die for!
I saw the process of making jaggery at a small setup in the fields near the dhaba, and the smell & taste of the freshly made sugar was absolutely delicious.
Our driver, Amandeep was hard of hearing and did not use his rear view mirror for driving. I think the gods did know that we were making the trip only for them.
Evening is a good time to visit Chintpurni. At least you can breathe. Things were bad when I visited in the morning in 2006.
The HP Tourism hotel at Jwala Ji is decent to live in, but wouldn't recommend eating there. Their kitchen sucks.
The evening aarti at Jwala Ji, on cold nights, is heart warming.
Matar kulcha on the road outside Jwala Ji is also worth a try.

A goof-up on Sunday night led to a long, unwanted drive from Ludhiana to Delhi, but I did enjoy the little chill in the air and oh-so-amazing paranthas at Sukhdev's in Murthal!

Some mobile uploads:

Processing sugarcane juice

Drying jaggery

Sadda Punjab :P

Mother and Sis-in-Law

A flat tyre in the middle of nowhere

I had to rush to work as soon as we got home. And I worked, fell ill, and attended several meetings until Friday evening arrived and I rushed to pack again for the next trip.

Passive

2011-11-13T15:54:00.001+05:30

Boredom and the absence of any activity has left me rather irritated. The flurry of social lunches and dinners have only burnt a hole in my pocket and made my clothes tighter. Neither of the results induce any kind of positive feeling. I went for a play last Sunday which turned out to be pointless; I was looking forward to Rockstar, which also turned out to be useless. My constantly decreasing motivation for photography has made me close that chapter as well. And I have spent almost a whole quarter like this....

__________

Rockstar has good music. It has the Delhi winter and a few shots of my college. Ranbir Kapoor has done a rather good job. He has acted well, he is looking good, and has given the movie the little strength that it has. But the actress, the dialogues, and the narrative were so ordinary that they managed to kill the movie for me. Completely! And I am yet to see a Hindi musical which doesn't try too hard to connect the dots.

Sadda Haq should not even have featured in the movie. It brought down the intensity of the song simply because it was placed out of context.

Few Hindi movies play with guilt, and I really wish that Imtiaz Ali had picked someone who did not just have a pretty face. Nargis Fakhri... aargh!!

I had similarly looked forward to Mausam in September. I did manage to appreciate it far more than Rockstar, but it certainly left me yearning for more. In fact, the romance in the movie completely engrossed me. The cinematography was brilliant, Shahid Kapur looked good, and even Sonam Kapoor was tolerable. But I cannot ignore the fact that the movie was quite stupid in parts. And utterly idiotic towards the end. But I think I can watch it again merely because of the innocent romance. It was nice.

__________

On a different note, my mind has been thinking of a mute poem the last few days. When life and everything around you seems poetically strung but it silences you in a strange way that you cannot tell if it is good or bad, positive or negative; just something unsettling, something worth your emotions.

__________

If dinners at Taj and meetings with some people seem as worthless as they do, I wonder if power is an aspiration worth nurturing and taking stress for.

........now hoping to make the last few weeks of the year useful.

It's a Wrap!

2011-11-10T01:05:00.000+05:30

Clicking photographs made me happy.

2011-11-07T22:40:00.000+05:30

Kya Kahein!

2011-10-31T00:18:00.001+05:30

I have been bored and restless the past few days. And now when I am thinking about it, I realise that I have not seen a movie in a month, not shopped in close to two months, and not travelled in more than three months. Obviously I am bored and restless!

I don't have the time to explore and develop a liking for new things. I don't remember the last time I instantly started liking a new thing. None of the things that used to excite me seem to be doing so anymore. Really, none of them! I am oh-so-bored and restless!

So, while I restart my efforts to get a few people together to head out to a new place again, let me simultaneously write about the little, much overdue trip to the Toilet Museum in Delhi.

Last weekend, I was going through old posts here on Fuchsia when I remembered that the Museum is still on my to-do list. A switch to Facebook on the next tab had Arobindo Sinha updating his location back to Delhi. He is known for toilet humour, and I had been advised to take him along whenever I make this trip. A few comments later, we had a plan.

On Saturday afternoon, he and I met after about three odd years, and moved straight to the Museum. When I entered the place, the first thought was that the place is far smaller than I had imagined. It was funny to think that I contemplated on which shoes to wear. It should suffice to say that you can go there in stilettos too.

We started looking about, read some funny facts, shared a little laugh when one gentleman walked in and introduced himself to the only other two people in the Museum, an American couple. He was going to give them a guided tour. He asked us if we were interested in the tour. We agreed. We could not have imagined what the next 30 minutes had in store for us. I wish I could have recorded the tour. The 72-year-old Mr. Jha is seriously one of the most amusing people I have ever met! His gestures, his accent, the creepy flirtatiousness, and just the bloody way of being cracked us up. I mean, giving a tour of a toilet museum should be funny enough. Why do you have to do the action of 'doing business'! Anyway.

So he took us through the complete evolution - from the Indus Valley civilisation to the first WC to the old practices of western Europe to all the latest technological innovations - we covered everything. And the punctuating jokes made the tour perfect.

In appreciation of toilet humour and an embarrassing irony, I will tell you that I went to use the loo and realised a little too late that there was no water. The absence of toilet paper had anyway been noticed and ignored upon entering itself. So. It was a memorable trip in more ways than one.

Below are some pictures that I have borrowed from Google. The copyright is with their respective original owners.

The Museum!

THIS is Mr. Jha. That table is also a toilet from some godforsaken time in history.

Apparently, the differences between England and France led to the making of toilets of this kind. The French made these book-shaped toilets and put names of popular English books on them. This one has Macbeth on it.

The image in blue highlights a little trick you can use when you cannot access a toilet. Maybe I should have used it too. It is about applying pressure on the hand in anticlockwise direction in the given shape to reduce the pressure and thus the urge to immediately relieve yourself.

I laughed uncontrollably! You HAVE to go through the text here.

I think this one was from Austria.

A solar powered toilet. You don't need water for this one.

A king used to address his audience while sitting on this toilet. Obviously he had a troubled stomach. I will buy this the day my kingdom is in place.

And here is an invention for women to make use of in places with no toilets.

Loop

2011-10-13T23:33:00.002+05:30

Being deeply involved in anything leads to desire, desire leads to expectations, and expectations lead to disappointments.

And to go through a whole day, through different experiences, but the same feeling of disappointment repeatedly is more taxing than the mind can imagine.

Neela Aasman So Gaya

2011-10-11T23:46:00.000+05:30

....aur ab main bhi sone ja rahi hoon.

माया

2011-10-11T00:14:00.003+05:30

यह ख़ामोशी नहीं, सन्नाटा है.

अफसाना नहीं, भ्रम है.

Aiyo!

2011-10-09T14:59:00.001+05:30

The fact that I have been earning for a year, as also the current state of my bank balance, forced me into opening an Excel sheet on a Sunday to do some analysis. Actually it was just a dreadful exercise of writing out all the expenses that I have made in this one year. It's not a pretty picture from the savings and investments point of view. Rather, a very sad picture. I don't know how it happened. I didn't do it. I think, even with my limited funds, I do need a fund manager. Who can forcefully take money out of my account. Oh my god, I want to cry! While all my expenses do still seem reasonable, I cannot come to terms with the total. This is why conclusions are not nice. Not nice, not nice, not nice!!! What do I doooo?

PS - I didn't know I spend so much on presents for other people. And so many people! I thought I didn't have friends. Pff!

Being Stupid

2011-10-05T01:13:00.001+05:30

Chasing the wrong dream.
Trying to be a hero.
Making the wrong decision.
And being stupid.

Work

2011-09-30T16:17:00.002+05:30

Engagement. Sustained. Stakeholders. Objective. Public.Critical. Business. Recommend. Growth. Direction. Strategic. Industry.Solutions.

Client. Client. Client. Client. Client. Client. Client. Client.Client. Client. Client. Client. Client. Client. Client. Client. Client.

Community

2011-09-23T16:43:00.002+05:30

I have a special dislike fornoise. Of all kinds. Well, I have a special dislike for a variety of smells too(just this morning I realized that I cringe my nose several times a day), butwe are talking about noise here. Presence of a number of women in a closedspace (which never has ‘normal’ temperature) is a deadly phenomenon. I wouldhave liked to unabashedly stereotype a certain team here and pull their hair out for the kind of noisethey make. But there are two teams which drive me bloody crazy. I understandFriday afternoon is a happy time. I really do appreciate it. And I also knowthat not everyone chooses to be asocial, but what the hell! How do people whoare trying to work (or pretending to work) become invisible to these women! Amongstthese are also those whose mornings are startlingly cheerful. Mornings. Allmornings. Every single morning from Monday to Friday. Did I mention themy-words-can-ring-through-your-ears-to-your-brain-and-kill-the-cells-that-detect-soundkind of voices! And I wonder how these same women become bitches when theirwork isn’t getting done because of external factors. They make noise when theyare happy. They make even more noise when they are cribbing. They are annoyingwith a big fat capital A.

The giggly kind of loud foranother day. Those are pure bitches of a far more evil kind.

Of course I do not belong to any of these communities.

Elusive

2011-09-15T23:20:00.000+05:30

It was an odd day. I woke up with the same thoughts that I had gone to sleep with last night. I kept thinking about it. And then I lost the battle. It was not a nice feeling. I know losing universally makes people feel bad. And I have lost similar battles earlier as well. But I had got used to the control over the past few months. It's easy to get used to good things.

This afternoon saw heavy rain and thunderstorm. My anxiety rose. I think I almost cried. But there was a meeting to attend. Wait, while we're at it, and since this is my territory, I need someone to stop these rains. Or I will scream!

I got busy and distracted until I received that email. I was not expecting it. I was not ready for any of this. I know it isn't even a big deal and my mind is overplaying it. But I cannot handle this kind of uneasiness anymore. Maybe I have myself to blame. Already. Or maybe I could blame the circumstances. I do want to put the blame somewhere and erase it all off my mind. It is not worth any more discussions. It is not to be.

I want my peace back. I was not up for trading that.

Memories, old fragrances, and hot tears.

2011-09-11T01:38:00.001+05:30

Dost Log

2011-09-09T19:12:00.002+05:30

Robin is in town, and I went with him, Swetha, and Vrinda to Cafe Morrison last night. Through my clogged nose and blocked ears, I screech-ily enjoyed the place and the company. I wondered why I had not visited the place before. I wondered why we do not spend more time together. Actually I know why I never visited the place before. I was under the impression that it would be a smoke-filled, beer and rock place. Nothing except the rock part turned out to be true. And I am going to go back there!

Avan and Lynn were the nicest, most thoughtful people this birthday. While Avan planned everything (from Bombay!) till the icing on the cake of a surprise party, Lynn ensured that the plan got executed without any glitch whatsoever. I was touched, and have just not had the words to write how I feel about it.

Things are finally looking up for Varun and I am relieved and very happy with the developments. Now just keeping fingers crossed.

It's been a social few weeks. This weekend could go either way.

Of Infections, Weaknesses, and Addictions

2011-09-08T18:16:00.003+05:30

I have been all over the placetoday. This business of having less work is extremely unproductive even if fora day. I don’t know where I got a cold from again. I am deeply annoyed. Fewthings can beat being on good terms with seniors. My manager went on a longleave yesterday and gave me a pack of Starbucks to enjoy. Of course, it wasjust lying in her drawer, but even so. She could have chosen to take it home.:D Oh yes, I have started having coffee lately. I always feel like going outand meeting people on days when I get off work early. Today when I do have aplan which I was excited about, I only feel like going home and sleeping. Iwant to sleep for 24 hours, if not less. The loop paid a visit today. Hate thatbitch! Hate this cold too! I got a lot of flowers on my birthday. They made mehappy. Now they are dead. I want more flowers. I want to roll in flowers. Justlike I wanted to lie in those marigold fields in Kerala! Kerala was soblissful. Why can I not get more of it. Why is life not a paid holiday. I wantto visit a desert now. Cold or hot, does not matter. Just some expanse which Ican lose myself in. I don’t like this ‘control’ nonsense. We should just leteverything flow. Actually, both have their advantages. Letting it flow makes mehappy, and being in control gives a sense of balance. But letting it flow makesme miserable too. Can I please be selective about it? Keep the happiness, thatis. Ha.

Times

2011-09-08T14:13:00.000+05:30

It was an ordinary morning, until 10:45 am when my boss came out and mentioned the blast at Delhi High Court. The next, what, 90 seconds were filled with anxiety. Mom told me she was in office, not at the court, and that was the end of the tragedy for me. We talked about it in office, watched some news, and got about the routine things of an ordinary day.

Shopping was on my mind for the past few days, so after work I set out to the malls closer to home. Apparently security concerns disrupted metro operations in the evening and my family got to know about it. I did not experience it. As my family worried and called, I hopped from one store to the other getting my card swiped left, right and centre.

At night, I was thinking of writing about the shopping experience in detail, but a phone call from a friend took over. We were discussing some nonsensical topic when the world shook. I have bad reflexes (which is why I don’t panic too easily) and it took almost the entire 5-6 seconds of the earthquake for me to realise what happened. Brother and missus were hyper. The next 15 minutes were slightly disturbed and excited. And then we got about the routine things of an ordinary night.

I was discussing with a colleague how these episodes mean little to those of us who have been fortunate enough to be safe so far. But thinking about the close escapes, or even the times when there was no information available, still gives me the jitters. Particularly the Delhi blasts of 2008 when I was in Pune and I could not get in touch with family and friends. I could not breathe. I still remember that Tarun was the last one I managed to talk to that night. Him, I panicked about because getting through took the longest. It was creepy.

This morning when I entered office I thought to myself how my mornings are now incomplete without the three coloured papers. But by the time I was done with all the papers that I browse through, I was feeling sick in the pit of my stomach. The blast’s reports were upsetting.

We are literally sitting on a ticking time bomb. We choose to not bother because we have a lot of other things to bother about. We choose to not bother because perhaps there is little we can do about it. Feels like such a bloody handicap!

And it is another ordinary day with routine things to care about.

Windy

2011-09-06T11:55:00.001+05:30

As I sit and rewrite about the who’s-who of industry associations in India, all I can feel is air getting sucked out of my stomach. There are also the clouds roaring outside. The sky seems awfully bright for that kind of weather.

___

I have loved you from my heart and hated from even deeper inside, but your suffering has always made me uncomfortable. I know you do not need me or want me to do anything for you, but I truly wish you find peace again. I hated your face, but I guess I was unknowingly happy to know that you were happy.
___

It was an odd night. There was no pretence. But being in the moment, and only in the moment, has never done me any good. Maybe I should retract. But how come it is a struggle already.

A Review

2011-09-04T03:26:00.000+05:30

My 25 things-to-do list from last birthday...

1. Of course, get that job! - Check! I think I am in the right place.

2. Get the knee fixed - Check! We're almost fixed.

3. Visit the Taj Mahal - Check!

4. Make one long trip to the Himalayas - Check! It was brilliant!!

5. Make another long trip to Rajasthan in the winters - Still on the list. Maybe this year.

6. Buy a car - Changed my mind.

7. Help Mom redo the house - She doesn't listen!

8. Pick up a new hobby - Err... no new hobby.

9. Learn a new language, Spanish maybe - I took exactly four lessons.

10. Catch one of Ustad Zakir Hussain's concerts - Check! It was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!

11. Find an occasion to wear that black dress - It's still in the cupboard. :-/

12. Burn up the past for good - Well, cannot claim to have burnt it. But I have locked it up.

13. Clear my debt - Check!

14. Actively participate in at least one initiative of Blank Noise's - Unfortunately didn't.

15. Invest in silk, silver, and a lot of white! :D - White count of my cupboard has reached an embarrassing number. :D

16. Try quitting consumption of bread - I quit for a short period, and now just consume lesser than I did last year.

17. Try about three different hairdos - Done, of course.

18. Make the line clearer - It is clearer than it ever was.

19. Get a hot new frame for my spectacles too - I do think the current ones are hot.

20. Barring that dress, get rid of all black coloured things in my life - I'm almost there.

21. Cut down on unnecessary loyalties - Taken care of.

22. Spend less time online - Work does ensure that I spend less time online.

23. Start reading again - Err... I blame the two books that I tried restarting with.

24. Take dance classes - I think I will do it this year.

25. Let it be. - Letting it be.

That is a good score. Thank you, life. You have been kind.

It's True

2011-08-31T19:36:00.000+05:30

People who said that one should enjoy life the most with friends in school and college were right. Money can't buy you those moments. It never will.

Oh No!

2011-08-28T14:14:00.000+05:30

That song should not have been playing at that moment. I am stupidly in love with I don't know who/what.

Reminiscent

2011-08-27T18:52:00.003+05:30

I'm ill and bored. Had been thinking of making a record of the past few years' travels. So, here we are...

Delhi-Jhansi-Orchha-Jhansi-Delhi
20-22 August, 2011
Amiya, Alekhya, Shantanu, Tarun

Delhi-Bangalore-Wayanad-Delhi
13-15 August, 2011
Karan, Ruhi

Delhi-Jaipur-Delhi
14-15 May, 2011
Priyam, Ridhima, Swetha

Delhi-Agra-Fatehpur Sikri-Delhi
5 March, 2011
Varun

Delhi-Rudrapur-Nainital-Sitla-Mukteshwar-Almora-Patal Devi-Kasar Devi-Chitai-Jageshwar-Kausani-Ranikhet-Bhimtal-Kathgodam-Delhi
15-22 December, 2010
Radhika

Delhi-Mumbai-Pune-Mumbai-Delhi
11-12 December, 2010
Dhoop, Robin, Ruhi

Delhi-Amritsar-Delhi

24-25 May, 2010
Agneesh, Akshay, Amisha, Bhai, Bhabhi, Harsh, Nidhi, Salil, Samridhi, Sarthak, Sharad, Shiven, Surabhi, Stuthi, Sushant, Swaroop, Swathi, Tanya, Tushar

Pune-Mumbai-Pune
20-21 March, 2010
Mamaji and Family

Pune-Panchgani-Wai-Pune
15-16 March, 2010
Priyam, Robin, Ruhi, Swetha, Vrinda

Pune-Kunjirwadi-Pune
12 February, 2010
PR Batch, SIMC

Pune-Koyna-Guhagar-Ganpatipule-Malgund-Jaigad-Pune
30 December 2009-1 January 2010
Bhavya, Debanjana, Kausik, Priyam, Ranjan, Ridhima, Ruhi, Shagun, Swetha, Vinaya

Lavale-Tamhini Ghat-Pune City-Lavale
3 September, 2009
Priyam, Ridhima, Robin, Ruhi, Sahil, Vrinda

Lavale-Mulshi Lake-Pune City-Lavale
22 August, 2009
Kausik, Nishant, Venkatesh

Pune-Khadakvasla-Sinhagarh-Pune
26 July, 2009
Karan

Pune-Srivardhan-Pune
31 June-1 July, 2009
Ankita, Priyam, Swetha

Delhi-Chandigarh-Delhi
24 May, 2009
Bhai, Ma, Pa

Delhi-Rishikesh-Delhi
2-3 May, 2009
Avantika, Priya, Nidhi, Samridhi, Shagun

Pune-Aurangabad-Ellora-Ajanta-Aurangabad-Pune
9-10 February, 2009
Ankita, Priyam

Pune-Mumbai-Kolkata-Jamshedpur-Kolkata-Mumbai-Pune
30 January-4 February, 2009
Subhadip, Sumit

Delhi-Moradabad-Delhi
1-7 November, 2008

Delhi-Pune-Delhi
23-26 January, 2008
Ma, Nanu

Big 25, Part B!

2011-08-27T00:13:00.004+05:30

I have a feeling that even though the birthday falls on a Saturday this year, nothing too special is going to happen. But my desire to make the big 25 a little extra special remains. So I have conveniently labelled my two August weekend trips as my birthday celebrations in advance. Wayanad was A, and this past weekend’s Orchha trip was B. Two reasons why it works well are:
1. I am at my happiest when I am travelling.
2. There is no guilt in spending so much money because birthday is anyway special!

The Orchha idea was floated by Amiya and her friend Alekhya. I got involved because I had posted on Facebook that I want to travel during the janamashtami weekend. I wanted to see snow, but I didn’t mind palaces and temples at all.

The economics geek club and I were to take the Bhopal Shatabdi till Jhansi, and travel by road from there. I was boarding a train after about 1.5 years and was excited as always. And the window seat made me happier. It was an uneventful journey with courteous interaction with Alekhya and Shantanu whom I had met briefly on one or two occasions earlier.

We took two autos from Jhansi station to Orchha. On the way, Tarun and I discussed how the weather was decent and the air was cool. I had devoted no time to any kind of planning for this trip. While packing a couple of hours before the train I had only managed to check the weather conditions and had noticed the 80% humidity projection. 80% did seem to be on the higher side, but I had no choice at that hour. It would not be an exaggeration even if I say that this humidity felt like it was 150% over the three days. I was not amused. And now that I have cribbed about it, I shall go on talking about the good things.

Amiya had arranged for us to spend a night at a home stay in the interiors of Orchha. We were all worried that we may have to use community toilets but nobody was to mess with Amiya after she had given her word to someone. To my pleasant surprise, the toilet there was nice and clean. Especially given what I had to experience in my last trip. Half-squats are not easy if you have not seen the face of your gym in 20 days. But Alekhya really wanted a far more convenient bathroom. One with a tub, I mean. I think that first day I rubbed her the wrong way quite a few times. I was almost sure she would hate me by the end of the trip. Anyway.

Shantanu, with Manish, a kid who amused all but me.

After a nice, homely lunch at our hosts’ place, we decided we would rent cycles and visit the less explored side of the Betwa river. For that we had to bike through Futera, a small village adjacent to our place of stay. Most of us were riding a bike after long but were equally excited about our little venture. A short distance on road was followed by a kaccha road, which was followed by lugging the cycles through a rocky terrain.

Betwa

My claim of being a water person was written off because I do not know how to swim and was not comfortable going into the river. The others enjoyed the water immensely as I had the near-coronary of this trip. My need for a few quiet, alone moments made me walk a little away from where everyone else was. But I had not gone too far when I slipped on a rock and completely lost control. Heard the camera smash on the adjacent rock. In the five seconds that the entire episode took place, I also froze for a moment after hearing that sound. The lens had taken a hit. I was much thankful about the fact that I had not taken the hood off yet. After noticing the scratches on it, I felt the pain that was poking in my back. It was rough, but not too bad. I walked on. A couple of steps ahead I noticed some movement in the water. It got me enthused because I almost believed it to be a crocodile. Right then Tarun called and insisted that I came back. And when I turned around, my croc had turned into a stupid buffalo. Without giving it any further attention, I walked back to where everyone else was, we clicked a few pictures, and started our journey back home.

We spent some time contemplating whether it would make sense to move to Khajuraho the following day or not. I obviously wanted to go. Because of the slow pace of the trip till then, others didn’t. Nobody understood my ‘main to ja rahi hoon’ emotion, and I decided to behave myself because I was travelling with these people for the first time. Actually I behaved extremely well for the bummer that the decision was in my head. Alas, nobody except me could appreciate it then.

Amiya and Alekhya took a little nap. Tarun whiled away time and then went for a bath. Sitting around, doing nothing in that annoying weather was driving me crazy. So, at 6.30 pm, I picked up my camera and stepped out. I didn’t know where I was going. I knew that the light was receding too quickly, but I just had to step out! I think Shantanu couldn’t figure why I suddenly decided to go out alone and offered to come along. I didn’t mind his company, and the two of us started walking. I saw the chhatris in the distance and felt like going there. But the light was really too low for it to be of any use. Then we saw that big tree that we had noticed in the morning. It was bloody huge. Shantanu was excited about it, wanted to have a closer view of it, and I also thought it made sense to go there rather than figure the way to the chhatris. We asked for directions to the tree and rushed towards it. I clicked a few pictures and again felt that sense of incompetence at capturing the grandeur of nature through my camera. In any case, there’s no reason to complain as it was a nice, little outing that improved my mood.

We had been suggested to try out Milan restaurant for good pizzas. The sceptic in me had a feeling that it would turn out to be one of those not-so-nice overrated popular places. But it was surprisingly good. Wood fired pizzas, pastas, cheesy mashed potatoes, good juices and laughter made for a perfectly indulgent and satiating dinner.

Our dessert - Hello To The Queen. Alekhya thought it was nothing better than chaat papdi. It really was quite sad!

Alekhya!

Like all fun trips with friends, this too had a ‘highlight of the trip’. During our auto ride back Tarun snapped at innocent Alekhya with a, “clearly you don’t know anything about the Mesopotamian civilization”. (Geek club, told ya!) It was all in good humour and the ‘clearly’ tone is going to stay with us till the time we remember this trip.

I had planned to wake up early so that I could check out all the pretty places at leisure (in decent weather). But when my alarm rang I realised that we were going to be in that place for two more days and we could all just go do the sight-seeing together. So I went back to sleep for a few more hours.

While the home stay was nice, the humidity was getting to all of us and we really wanted to get out of there to a more comfortable place. Tarun worked hard to find a decent hotel for the following night and we finally narrowed in on the available Betwa Retreat. Heritage suite at Betwa Retreat to be precise. The idea was that all of us could stay together in one big room. So we settled our accounts with Friends of Orchha and took an auto to our hotel. We couldn’t help but laugh at the stark contrast that the hotel’s luxury was to our little, rural experience of the previous 24 hours. But we are all admittedly spoilt, big city kids. Nothing makes us happier than an air conditioner. Hey, the place had a bath tub too! :D One of them looked towards me and even commented that s/he knows that now I would just stay parked in the room. But I had to not give in to that temptation! I didn’t know when, or if at all, these guys would go out to see what Orchha is known for. So I was the first one in for a shower and out I went to the Raja’s Mahal to get my sole ticket which allowed entry to all tourist places there. On the way I also bought a much-needed stole lest my skin would have burned down to ashes ‘coz it wasn’t just humid then, the sun was harsh too.

Night at the home stay!

The Betwa Retreat Hotel

Our Heritage Suite

On entering, my first thought was, “wow, they’re not making any effort to maintain this place”. But the structure’s beauty and expanse took over that feeling instantly. I took a long walk all around the complex, met more cows and goats (Orchha’s definitely cattle-extensive!) and clicked a lot of pictures. What I also observed during those two hours was some constant religious singing in the background. Someone had mentioned a temple where people have been singing for eight years, but this sound could not have been from the temple because it was in the other direction. I don’t remember when I started following that voice, but I do remember that it was one of the most soulful, most touching voices ever. The man wasn’t entirely in tune, but his voice was real.

When I tired myself out completely, I headed back to the hotel for lunch with the rest of the gang.

Some good conversations and okay-ish food later, the four of them went to the Mahals and I went to the room for a cool-down. The set-up somehow worked well for me. I relaxed for some time and then joined them again at Milan restaurant. We had clearly developed a liking for the place!

From Milan we walked to the cenotaphs closer to our hotel. They looked magnificent in the setting sun’s light.

Alekhya had been wishing for some wine for the past two days, and dinner that night was finally time for some wine. But as it turned out, she didn’t want that wine anymore. So we ordered for white rum, and Amiya & I gave her company. Soon, Alekhya and I were cracking up over some nonsense that at least I don’t remember now. All I know is that we were having a good time.

Soon after we got back to the room, Amiya and Alekhya stepped out with their conversations. Tarun fell asleep. Shantanu and I had a small but interesting discussion, and then he went out and joined the girls too. I wasn’t too sleepy, I didn’t want to disturb them either, so I decided to walk to the other side of the lawn and sit with the moon. The stillness of the night and the striking brightness of the moon somehow made me wish for company for a change. A shoulder to rest my head on. But that didn’t change the fact that I was enormously thankful to my god for giving me that moment. Over the years I have learnt to respect some of the finer opportunities and people that He has sent my way. And this night was one of the many flashes of happiness and freedom that I have got from Him.

Shantanu had promised me that he won’t let me sleep before I drink enough water to compensate for the drinking, and thankfully he kept his word.

The next morning was definitely lazy. Even for me. I lay on the bed and enjoyed the nothingness as Amiya played some sufi music on Tarun’s laptop (which he was carrying for work like a typical consultant). We took our time getting ready and checking out. It was too late by the time we thought of the temples because apparently they’re closed by 12.30 pm. So we just went to another popular restaurant, Cha Cha Moon, played poker there, and sat around till the time we could breathe no more because it was a little stuffy there.

We were again taking the Bhopal Shatabdi from Jhansi, and were scheduled to leave at 1755. Till then we killed time at the hotel reception, took prints of the ticket, shopped a little, lost a borrowed earring, found it, laughed, and perspired too.

I saw the setting sun from the massive window of the train and felt even happier about life.

I promised Alekhya that I would see her again. I told Shantanu that I did really like him. I didn’t tell Amiya and Tarun anything. Just said quick good-byes and got home to my bed.

This trip was quite different from the Wayanad trip the previous weekend. Even from the ones that I used to take from Pune. The strangers were exceedingly sweet and I had a great time with them. Tarun was the comforting factor even though he was highly irritating as usual. And of course, complete credit goes to Amiya for planning, organising, and making this trip happen. We were all busy with our respective lives, but she took the much-needed initiative and made our weekend perfect.

Orchha

2011-08-23T23:25:00.000+05:30

I am back from a super trip to Orchha, Madhya Pradesh, but work is killing me enough to make this kind of an update for now. Kindly await the details and photographs.

Freedom

2011-08-17T01:10:00.000+05:30

A commonly-expressed thought crossed my mind early this past weekend. Freedom is inside, they say. I pondered over it for a while and thought I agreed. And then I took a morning flight to Bangalore.

I landed on time, the city greeted me with delightful weather, I had a Sub while I waited for Karan to pick me, and tried not to think about the excitement that I was experiencing about the weekend a day earlier.

Over the past months, I had had several conversations with Ruhi and Karan about how I should visit them in Bangalore. But I could not make up my mind until this July, which is when I finally booked my tickets for this extended I Day weekend.

I admit that even though I called it my Bangalore Trip, it wasn’t exactly so because I spent a little less than 24 hours in the city. It was actually a road trip that started a couple of thousand kilometres away from home. Road trip to Wayanad, Kerala.

There was a lot of back and forth while planning. The distance and monsoons were deterring factors, but the fact that neither Karan nor (obviously) me had seen the place earlier was motivation enough to head out to the beauty that the place is. Ruhi could not join us because we took too long to confirm, so it was just the two of us, with GPS navigation and some good music all the way to Kerala!

To begin with, it took two hours to just get out of Bangalore. Apparently the traffic wasn’t too much because it was a Saturday morning. I take Karan’s word for that. Then we moved through Mysore and Bandipur towards Kalpetta, the capital of Wayanad. While some patches of the jungle and Kalpetta itself had horrible roads, the rest of the journey was smooth and a lot of fun. There was also a patch somewhere in the middle where on both sides of the road there are marigold fields. Bright orange marigolds! I made Karan stop the car for a bit because I could certainly not get enough of the orange. It’s my favourite colour these days. The air too was filled with wonderful fragrance. Orgasmic? Is that how things get described often? Yes, that was the feeling.

We made another short stop somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I may repeat this point multiple times, but I can’t get to describing how clean and cool the air was. We really did not feel like moving from there.

As you might know, I subscribe to a lot of popular stuff, including certain Bollywood moments. Thus, the connect that I felt while songs like hairat hai from Anjaana Anjaani and dil dhadakne do from Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara played is hard to illustrate. Those were my moments of ultimate free spiritedness! I was conscious of the wind in my hair. I did not care a damn about how my hair would look later. Felt good. That’s all that mattered.

We spotted some elephants while in Bandipur, the green was irresistible, and my excitement knew no bounds. With that we saw a beautiful sunset somewhere close to Sulthan Bathery. Then began the bad roads in the dark, and a nightmare we were not expecting.

Neither of us had an inkling of just how popular Wayanad is. So we did not know that the place has a LOT of hotels. And ALL those hotels were occupied for the weekend. We went up and down Kalpetta twice over looking for a place for close to three hours. At one fully occupied home stay a guy called some friend of his whose home stay had place. The guy got us to follow his bike to the place. Within a few minutes he went off the main road, and kept heading straight into the darkness. He was about 100-150 metres ahead of us when he took a right turn. But when we got to the point we saw a dead end and a cross. It was a cemetery. My heart, which was beginning to get worked up because of the nothingness that we were driving into, seriously leaped into my mouth. It was literally a ‘cemetery on a hill’. I got Karan to turn the car around. But our luck, the left rear tyre got stuck. I would have had a coronary if it had taken a second longer to get out of the place! Of course, later it was funny and mister had a big laugh about it. I do not get easily scared, but this was just extraordinarily creepy!

After much ado we did find a place to stay.

The morning was serene; we had some dossai, and headed out to Pookot Lake. The drive was decent, especially through Vythiri. The lake being a typical tourist spot was a disappointment. I don’t think we spent more than ten minutes there. It really wasn't worth it.

A couple of minutes away from the lake was a little trail that was appealing. We parked the car and started climbing up. While I continued walking, Karan got a chance to play with his camera. With each step that I took I felt a wave of the unexplained go through me. I could hear myself breathe, my mind was as clear as the air, and the very sense of being in hills, tea estates, and clouds was satiating.

I climbed further up and found a small rock to park myself on. It was me and a vulture sounding a sound that wasn’t noise in that atmosphere.

After a while we felt we should move. As Karan walked towards the car, I struggled to get my feet moving. I don’t know how I lost control of them, but they were reluctant. But we did leave, this time heading towards the Banasura Dam. The drive to the Dam was about an hour long. The roads were good and the view even more beautiful! The music at that point fit with the emotions that I was experiencing then. That overwhelming nature of nature took over me. That was freedom. The tears felt like they did the leftover cleansing. I think it got Karan a little concerned, but it certainly was nothing to worry about.

The happiness continued during the little trek to the dam, and increased as I sprawled on the road up there. I knew the few pictures I was taking were ordinary, and I could not care less about those either. It was 1-0-0% relaxation. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Neither of us wanted to leave that place because next stop was Bangalore. We had not had enough. But I guess that’s the best feeling to leave a place with, isn’t it? Wanting more.

The drive back was as much fun. We sang, laughed, this time interacted with other cars moving with us, and reached Bangalore only at night, tired, in time for a pizza for dinner.

We browsed through some school photographs, talked about the times that were and the years that have passed. 15 years of knowing each other. The love, the respect, and the understanding remain intact even though we see each other only once in a couple of years.

The next day was Ruhi’s. So I said good-bye to Karan and moved to Ruhi’s car. At her place I also met Rohini. It was good to see her! One of the few faces that I like from Pune. Oh, the dosas she made for breakfast for perfectly delicious. I ate till I could eat no more, and then Ruhi and I stepped out to shop for some Mysore silk for Ma. Saree and Mysore Pak packed, we headed to Aroy for some Thai lunch. We did not realise how time flew by. We were still in our grown-up conversations and yumm corn & spinach when my Meru arrived. I did not want to leave.

I still do not want to leave the experience behind. I am sentimental about this one. It goes without saying that it earned a space closer to my heart. Ruhi and Karan made it perfect. The times when perfect is an elusive word.

I Wish I Could Use a Dagger

2011-08-01T12:52:00.002+05:30

I have not experienced such extreme emotions for anyone in a long time.

My Delhi Metro Muses

2011-07-26T17:23:00.001+05:30

I do not think I want 80 work hour weeks, but a 20-something hours week plus 2 more similar days have made life quite a drone. And therefore...

1. Firstly, yes, it is called a train.

2. I don’t know why DMRC is trying to cut costs by not keeping the air conditioners at stations on this season. Aren’t they making enough thanks to the millions who use the trains everyday?

3. The woman who thinks she has an ass small enough to fit in a space where a woman half her size was sitting earlier is quite funny.

4. The embarrassment that the same woman goes through when her ass doesn’t fit is even more fun to witness. :P

5. The people pushing their way through to that half a seat are the evils that I would like to wish away.

6. The woman who boarded the train over an hour ago, had a nice sleep, and is now getting ‘ready’ for work is entertaining. Eye makeup, hair brush, et al – everything is there in the bag.

7. Woman who fails to understand the concept of personal space. If a train is crowded, she will not keep her bag under the seat. She will make sure she is carrying a big bag or multiple bags. And then irritate all others around her.

8. The category of women who carry bags which are bigger in width than in length do not seem to have discovered yet in life that their bag pokes the life out of the person standing behind them.

9. The ones who are too short to hold on to the handles above – them, I sympathise with. I didn’t say I like them crowding the space around the doors!

10. This one’s more of a unisex phenomenon – people not realizing that their earphones are behaving like Dolby Digital speakers, not earphones. Of course, nobody around them can figure the song that they are listening to – it’s just an endless cacophony of annoying beats.

11. Poor women who try to entertain their infant/kid in hazaar ways over 30 minutes.

12. Oh, the men who have the nerve to voice opinions like, “women have the 1st coach of the train reserved and thus should not enter the other coaches”!

13. The men who gape at you endlessly – because you are travelling in their coach. Or maybe just because they are m*&^%$fu^&*ng bastards!

Browsing Through Tabs

2011-07-24T23:57:00.000+05:30

Having lots of tabs open on your browser can never be bad. Whether it is in an attempt to figure something like which ITR form to fill for your tax returns, or for travel, it's all for your own good. I, of course, am going to elucidate on the travel-related tabbed browsing.

If you are a regular here, you would know of all the travelogues which begin with a mention of scores of tabs, about various travel destinations/info about a select destination, open on my browser. In that context, this coming August seems to be way too exciting to be true. I think it will be exhausting if it really shapes up as per all tentative and confirmed plans, but that's no reason for me to not get excited. I know at least one of the trips will happen for sure since my tickets are already booked. It better not be a bummer. For the others I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that at least one materializes. Actually, I am hoping only one of those does because I am not sitting on a heap of Rupee notes and I need to space out such expenses. Pff.

Wondering where? I will tell you all about it in detail only when I am done doing what I want to. As of now, it should suffice to say that I can view lakes, hills, forests, AND snow on my tabs. Wohooo!! Shhhhhh!

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

2011-07-20T23:55:00.000+05:30

I watched the movie last night. Did not tweet about it because I had a lot more than 140 characters in my mind. I did not write about it here earlier because the watch took priority. :) And now I am late for my beloved sleep. As I type, I am contemplating whether or not to elaborate already.

...so I give in to the temptation.

I watch a lot of movies, but felt this one needs to be registered somewhere. It had the romance that I mentioned a post ago. I could feel it through the characters and the narrative. It was simple - the minimalism in expression was touching. It wasn't groundbreaking cinema, but worth a watch for some good editing, cinematography, and bloody hot men! I thought the movie would be a treat because it has Abhay Deol. But Hrithik Roshan playing a real person (unlike the Dhooms, Krrishs and Akbars) was appealing too. And I did not know that my favourite Naseeruddin Shah was playing a part too. On a different note, it was good to see Deepti Naval in the movie.

It has suddenly started raining outside. :)

Saat Mahine Baad

2011-07-20T17:52:00.000+05:30

I was in 4th standard when Mom lent her HMT to me. It was a secret we both kept from Dad because he thought I was too young to be given a watch to wear to school. Moreover, those days, kids that age did not really get a wrist watch of their own. I was one of the first in my class too. From then, 1995, till beginning of 2011, there never was a day when I stepped out without a watch on my wrist. I graduated from that first watch to some others to the one that I inherited from my brother in, I think, 2004. He has too many watches, he didn’t like that one too much, and so I decided to take it from him. What I did not know while taking it from him was that I would get surprisingly sentimental about it. I started thinking of it as a part of my brother being with me through all good and bad times. After a point, I needed it with me on all important days.

Pune had me and my watch go through some tough times. And by the time I got back to Delhi, we both had scars that we had a hard time dealing with. It was ugly, to say the least.

When 2011 began, I decided I could not wear this watch any longer. It was in very bad shape. But as I gave it rest, I could not bring myself to buy a new one. I did visualise something that I would like, but I did not find anything like that the one time I took myself shopping. And there went month after month of a bare wrist!

I finally figured that it would be best if I got this one repaired. It took a month of overhauling, and it is back with me today. It is black, but still makes me very happy. The timing is even more significant because as of today, we both feel resurrected.

There Is Nothing To Talk About

2011-07-17T23:55:00.000+05:30

The smile has become smaller

The eyes have become quieter

The laughter is discretionary

The hands stay in place

White has come a lot closer to the heart

Tears never have company

The old playlist doesn't feel the same anymore

More and more decisions are need-based

I am at a stage where I think about people, not miss them. I don't need anyone except the people who are already there in my life. This thought is probably making me miss out on some good things in life, but the balance that it brings with it cannot be matched. There are only one or two people out there who would understand what this means to me, and I think they themselves now fall in the category mentioned in the first line of this paragraph. Ha. Such is life, they say.

I do miss romance in my life though. This weekend I happened to observe a few things around me which reminded me that it wasn't there. I own my popsicles. But the way I am shunning out people, they ought to be. Ha. Such is life, they say.

I guess I will go back to enjoying the romance in my new job tomorrow morning. It makes me keep the battery charged.

Not So Public Affairs

2011-07-13T17:36:00.000+05:30

The uneventful nature of life these days has made this blog rather lifeless. There is work, there are some movies, and there are some uneventful social meetings. I hardly switch my laptop on these days, and I am more disciplined at work too. The past two weeks have been spent in unbelievable exhaustion and a suspect new mofo disease.

A lot of energy is also spent in an attempt to lose some serious weight. I know I do it every now and then, but I have never been as fat as I am today, I have never worried about it like I do now, and I have never even wanted to lose weight this bad!

These days I spend time criticising and appreciating various brands on Twitter.

What is of note is the entry of new gods in my life. Some people have the ability to make you feel small, but in a rather good way. I am hoping to learn some serious lessons from them.

And hopefully I will have something more entertaining for you to read over the weekend.

Dull Afternoons

2011-06-28T17:26:00.000+05:30

Today I scribbled something on my palm after about ten years. And I am hating the ink which has not gone even after two rounds of washing hands. I remember how no day used to pass during those school years without ink all over my left palm. I remember sometimes I even showed off my talent (to myself, who else would care) of being able to write with the left hand, thereby having both my palms full of ink. Half the space was covered with my own name or pseudo signature. Obsessions were of a different kind back then. As thoughtless as today’s though. I wrote and drew endlessly on the little 3x3 desk allocated for a year, each year. Well, table graffiti was with me through college too, but then I only wrote lyrics of songs I liked. Actually, I used to write a line or two each of a combination of songs to spell out my own mind’s story. But again, nobody else cared. At that point, somehow I didn’t even want anyone to care or read the stuff that I wrote. You know the typical teen/college mindset.

Why I started writing out this post was actually the fact that I remembered how one of my friends used to note her homework on her palm. Well, just that.

And just that.

Offload!

2011-06-23T23:56:00.000+05:30

Chashme ke bina nahi dikh raha.
"Familiarity breeds contempt."
"In the long run we are all dead."
I had forgotten your smell.
They never need to see me or talk to me to know that I am happy.
Sooner or later loose ends do get tied up.
Just when I was beginning to feel that excitement is a frivolous emotion that I no longer experience, I got an opportunity to realise why it is such a treasured emotion.
I may be a cynic, but I know who is worth being put in that list of gods.
Your wit is digging too strongly, it's making me funnily uncomfortable.
Competition still scares me.
Some equations should not need effort and are not even worth the effort.
Pehde bandeyan naal ladna wi aa gaya!
This American English is not fun.
Too soon to comment, too soon to feel, too soon to judge - control is an art that makes your life bloody boring. And yet I seem to be leaning that way. With offline moments, of course.
You always have options. It's just that sometimes they're so bad that you don't consider them as options.
I wonder why I like the icky feeling of perspiration trickling down my scalp.
That list of gods, Vishal Bhardwaj has been on it for quite a while. Deservingly.
I perceived someone to be similar to Subhadip. I was wrong - this one's nowhere close.
And now that the longest day of the year is behind me, I am awaiting winters! :D

More later!

The 12th State

2011-06-11T14:41:00.000+05:30

My latest addition to the very slowly moving list of states that I've stepped foot in is Rajasthan. I know it is almost shocking that having lived in Delhi for the longest time I could never venture a couple of hundred kilometres into the west. But whadyaknow! It just happens sometimes.

Finally it was Ridhima's wedding that took me to Jaipur.

I was not sure whether I would get a chance to do this trip or not, but I was certainly going to try my best to make it happen. Especially given the fact that I missed two outstation weddings last year. But a week or so before the trip, I felt that I should really use the opportunity to explore the city too. So what if it didn't come close to my wish of one-long-trip-to-Rajasthan-in winters. At 45 degrees Celsius, this would have still been worth it!

Then began the drama of not having anyone willing to go with me a day or so in advance. And God, my family can really sing the It's Unsafe saga a million times for the 100 times that I express the thought of doing something alone. So finally I sulked for about four days, and only left on a Sunday morning for the Monday wedding.

We touched Jaipur in four speedy hours including a stop at McDonald's Manesar to take away some breakfast. And after a second delicious breakfast later at Hotel Teej, Priyam, Swetha and I headed out to Amber Fort. Swetha has visited the city a zillion times and was only being nice in the heat. Priyam and I were the excited first-timers. Plus we have experiences like Ellora Caves in the heat to not get discouraged by the blinding sun. Now, we did not realise that one could take a car all the way up to the Fort. So we asked our driver to wait in the parking lot and decided to walk up. As always, Swetha was leading the pack and Priyam was trying hard to keep up. In the middle, as always, I was oscillating between I-can-do-it and oh-my-breath!. On the way up we met some goats and ignored some shady men. There was also a local family laughing away at some people who were apparently clicking pictures of a 'nullah' which they obviously thought of as a pretty water body. And I would have made the same mistake given that the picture of a nullah in my mind is faaar dirtier than what we saw there. And technically, it wasn't even a nullah! It was just a dirty pond which wasn't really so dirty.

The Fort!

The road we could have taken to drive up

Beginning our walk up!

Swetha and Priyam suggested we take a guide to get a better feel of the place and I didn't mind the suggestion. Our guy (Damn, I've already forgotten the name! - some Mr. Sharma, I think.) was decent with the stories and wasn't too overbearing. We walked around enjoying the place, singing 'kehne ko jashn-e-bahara hai' not only because Priyam had a feeling that the place was Jodha-Akbar-ish but because the movie was actually shot there in parts.
And then we were facing the Sheesh Mahal! Remember I had mentioned in my last little travelogue that Sikri made me fall in love with it instantly and I wished that I too had a palace like that to live in? Well, Sheesh Mahal too instantly came in the same league, only I would still want to live at Sikri; at Sheesh Mahal, I want to get married! :D The place is perfect. The beauty, the dazzle, the mirrors - oh my god I could insert an html heart here!

My louley ladies!

After being contented looking at the little place, we moved on. Clicked a few more pictures, laughed a little more, wiped away some more perspiration and headed out straight to Hari Mahal Palace - the wedding destination! Oh, before getting into the car we had a glass each of awesome shikanji too! :D

Us, at Sheesh Mahal! :D

We were late for lunch but Ridhima's mom managed to get us some good food. Priyam and Swetha couldn't understand why of all the things I loved the rotis in the meal - they were just really really soft and perfect! We then moved upstairs to spend some time with the bride-to-be who was rehearsing for a dance performance with cousins and the groom-to-be. She soon left for the getting dressed process, and we came back to our hotel for the rest and refresh process.

We were not going to be late again and ended up being the first guests at the evening function. Even the photographer reached after we did. No complaints. We grabbed the best seats one could take after leaving some for immediate families. The Sagan and Chunni ceremonies went on smoothly. Ridhima looked beautiful. Priyam got expectedly sentimental. And I got unexpectedly sentimental. [The two of us also had a short, silent yet fun war for entirely different reasons.] While I still had tears in my eyes, the two Punjabi families began with the naach gaana. First we cheered along, and then we danced too. To be more precise, Priyam and I grooved along, and Swetha did some real dancing! Again, this was as per trend, nothing unusual.

Rested and Refreshed

Swethaaa!

We came back to our hotel around 1.30 a.m., I sent Avantika a scandalous SMS, we planned our next day, and then snored away.

The next morning was to come by too soon with alarms going off before 6.00 a.m. When my alarm rang, I decided to write it off and give my body the rest it was asking for. But Swetha doesn't think like that. Alarm baj gaya, woh uth gayi! I could not be the bitch so early in the morning, so I dragged myself out of bed too. Of course, I was glad I did because I was the one who was most excited to see the Nahargarh Fort. I had even put a picture of the Fort in the PPT I sent to Priyam's official ID in the hope that she would get convinced to go to Jaipur a day in advance. :-| [Trivia: one of the best pictures that Google throws up of the Fort has been clicked by our very own Deepak Kumar].

We were going to stop by at Jal Mahal before heading to the Fort. We spent a few quiet moments of the relatively cooler morning there.

Jal Mahal's Sidekick as I like to call it

Priyam, Swetha, our driver, and our car in front of Jal Mahal

Then came the real bitch! No, wait. The drive was really nice. Our otherwise ordinary driver got an opportunity to show us that he can be good in the hills. The drive up reminded a little of Lavale. The view of the city as we moved up was incredible, the peacocks lining the street were a delight, and I could not wait for the sepia fort to open itself to my eyes.

Outside the closed Fort! :-|

Now the bitch! The official timings for opening of gates is 8.00 a.m. (I think that's also late) but nobody opens the darn place before 10.00 a.m! Who does that! In a city as hot as Jaipur! I have not heard of any other protected place waking up so fuckin' late! It was like a slap in the face for hoping that a Monday morning could be good. Hmph!!!
We could certainly not have waited that long. I wanted to kick those boys playing cricket there. Apparently Jaigarh Fort is no different. So we did not bother turning that way. And there we were - low on sleep with a ruined morning! And if only we knew that this was the case, we could have easily slept, gone there in the afternoon just like we did the previous day for Amber Fort, and happily attended the wedding too.
I have to admit that I was getting confused whether I was there to attend the wedding or to explore the city, but one has to agree that this was a huge waste given that it was the only day we had.

We got back to the hotel, again ate a lot at the amazingly yumm breakfast table, slept just a little bit, and headed out for Ridhima's Chooda ceremony. It was a first for all of us. But for Swetha it was an absolutely alien thing. So she enjoyed it the most.

As you may have guessed by now, we had no intentions of taking it easy on this trip. So after Chooda and lunch, we went to Johri Bazaar to shop for silver! :D Priyam bought a pair of earrings to ensure she enjoyed her Pirates of the Caribbean premiere more. Swetha bought something simple and elegant for work. And I was on a trip of my own! One for some occasion, one for formal wear, one for daily wear, one for the sis-in-law, I had obviously, I think expectedly, lost it! Without doubt I went over-budget. And to no surprise, I later showed the sis-in-law what I bought for her and then told her that I am keeping it! :P Arre, in the morning we had done some chappal shopping where I had bought a pair for her too!

Finally, the be all of life, potty, took over and we all just relaxed for the rest of the evening.

We were again the first guests. Now for the wedding....

Our driver had taken permit to stay in the city for two days. Now, those two days expired at midnight. We were obviously not going to leave the wedding just because he had to cross the border before that. So we made a few phone calls and managed to make arrangements to be late by an hour or so. We were anyway not going to stay for the pheras because Swetha and Priyam had managed to get only one day off. But managing to catch the Jai Mala was going to be a challenge.

....the baraat was late. And that is when we finally got a chance to spend a few quality minutes with Ridhima. Alone. It was such a... feeling of having grown up! Memories of the hostel were coming back, the feeling of anticipation for the night and for her life ahead was around, and somewhere at the back of the mind was the thought about being in the same place as her in the (near) future.

We welcomed the baraat with the cousins and some other friends of Ridhima's but we knew that was it! We did not have time to eat, and we certainly did not have time to wait for the Jai Mala. We all hated it, but I think I was feeling worse because I knew I was personally not in a hurry. I had an off the following day. BUT! Time was ticking, and the next ten minutes were the funnest of the two days! We hurriedly walked out to our car, got the boot open, threw in our shoes and accessories, changed into chappals, pulled out our travel clothes, and rushed back in to the women's room. Some people noticed. Thankfully nobody came in to use the washroom while we were there. Some entangled sleeves of fancy clothes and hurried flushes later, we paced out. Apparently I looked the funniest with my oh-so-comfortable wraparound skirt/lungi.

Our driver sped. I watched packs of chips being passed by as we tried to reach the border within our time limit. I died of hunger until I found some saunf in my handbag. We also met a stupid traffic jam on NH8. And then I almost fought with some random guy on Twitter too. Bleh!

Our taxi bill was the thing that actually went over-budget. It was almost obscene. I was the last one to be dropped and reached home at 4.30 a.m. I don't think we had managed to cross the border even at 1.00 a.m. And I know nobody gave a damn about our permit. Sure we would have landed into some trouble if things had gone by the rule. But then, we did miss the dinner. Oh, I mean the Jai Mala. But no denying that we were there for Ridhima's wedding. There is photographic evidence.

Mehra-Taneja

The entry to the 12the state could not have been any better than this! I will of course go back to fulfill my wish of doing a long trip in Rajasthan in WINTERS!

The Low Notes

2011-06-04T00:20:00.000+05:30

This past month was long. Longer than it ought to be. Longer than I liked it to be. And I am glad it is over.

Some noteworthy things included:

# Three good Sundays with my camera doing some good work

# Ridhima's wedding in Jaipur

# My parents' 33rd wedding anniversary

# Bhaiya and Megha's 1st wedding anniversary

# Busy times in office including sacrificed Saturdays

# An unexpected raise in my salary

# A good grip on some unnecessary emotions

# Planning of a trip to Ladakh; even receiving a book (giiiift :D) on making that trip. I will know next week if I can make it or not this year.

# An increase in the number of text messages received

# A much-loved increase in the number of personal emails received

# The mangoes and watermelons kind of indulgence

# A few funny movies

# Some additions to my silver collection

# A fairly strong knee

# A purely stress-led addition to weight

# Restarting with some fiction and reading two discouragingly average books :-/

And then the unpleasant stuff happened. It is funny how some things assume the power to wash away the feeling of happiness in life.

This life, it has been tough. Testing as it may be, I am glad it has given the opportunity to learn so many lessons already. And forcefully humbling at every point. :)

It's Just A Scratch!

2011-06-03T00:24:00.001+05:30

The shrewd
The cowards
The political
The manipulative
& the pretentious

I know not which are worst. But I have seen them all.

And with them, I have also seen the genuine. Thus, life moves on.

Haraami Kismat!

2011-05-24T17:11:00.000+05:30

Next Steps?

2011-05-17T23:31:00.000+05:30

A few weeks ago I was imagining about getting a new lens and wondering which one would be my next. Broadly - macro or wide angle. Today I have the opportunity of getting a good deal but I am wondering if I really need a lens. I have lately been feeling that the quality of my photographs has been going down, and therefore my motivation too. So, will it really make any sense to spend money on more expensive gear? Or will a new toy help me get the drive to click more and better pictures.

What is to be doing?! Your free advice is solicited.

Respect

2011-05-10T17:20:00.001+05:30

A conversation led to a question thrown at me about my internships and the bosses at each of those internships. And I realise that I had some of the best people to learn from through each one of those experiences. All five were organisations from different industries, of different sizes, and made up of fairly different people as well.

Thinking about them reminds me of the fabulous luck I have had. All of them are such brilliant minds, such amazing mentors!

Their contribution to my professional life has been so significant that I cannot imagine where I would have been if I hadn't undertaken these internships.

Piyush Bajpai and Laveesh Bhandari of Indicus Analytics,

Shadan Parveen, Amar Dutta and Angshuman Chakraborty of Pearson Education,

Bindiya Rawat and Aqueel Khan of ASK India,

Mitabh Saud and Sugato Hazra of Adfactors PR, and

Anshuman N. and Namita Asnani of ABB India...

...are the gods I am talking about.

My first cheque, grammar lessons for a lifetime, the perfect perspective, insight into the world of lobbying, and an example of what leadership is all about, all this and a lot lot more has come from these people.

Can never be thankful enough, I guess.

Weekend Package

2011-05-01T20:37:00.001+05:30

I am not going into the details of what I did during the weekend, but

with a Friday that had

a light lunch with Chatterjee and a looooong walk in heels with a well-behaved knee, in the evening,

a Saturday that had

me watching two movies (Chalo Dilli and Shor in the City) back to back in a proper theatre (and not a multiplex hall), with pocorn in one and nachos in the other, and sleepover at my grandparents',

and a Sunday that

begun as early as 5:00 am for a photoshoot around the Yamuna, stopover at Chandni Chowk, chhole bhature at the Bengali Market, followed by a super afternoon spent with Avantika and Lynn,

I am now getting serious withdrawal symptoms. I don't know why I attended so many calls from office through the weekend. Have enough to do even before I get into office tomorrow.

But what a weekend it was. Especially with the last three having been slow and boring.

The Big Question

2011-04-28T23:06:00.000+05:30

Can you do it?
Can you let go of your weekends?
Can you give up on all the things that do not add value?
Can you take the heat?
Can you take more pressure?

CAN.YOU.DO.IT?

I have to do it.

A Defence!

2011-04-21T01:12:00.000+05:30

There are times when you ignore things people say about you or your identity. And there are times when you defend.

As a Delhiite, I have, on most occasions ignored the things people have said about me - some juvenile, some seriously condescending - simply because more often than not it is pointless to argue stereotype.

I reached home a while back, opened my laptop because I had been out for meetings since lunch, and obviously, happened to login to Facebook too. Noticed a friend's comment on a link posted by one of her friends: City of Sperms. Delhi, of course. I clicked on it out of curiosity, only to get infuriated by the things it mentions. Very articulately derogatory. For me. And for my people. There are some aspects of it which I cannot defend and will not attempt to either, but its perspective stinks. And in my free space I am going to elucidate on an insider's story.

Without getting into my little but enough-to-form-opinions experience of Bombay or the things about the city that have an equal number of people detesting it too, I will come straight to the point.

Historically, most major cities across the world have developed around water bodies. New York, London, Moscow, Shanghai, Singapore, etc. At home, Mumbai, Kolkata, Chennai, and also Delhi. Port cities for the easy transportation in the olden days, and cities around rivers for easy availability of drinking water. I thought this was common knowledge. However, the greatness of these cities is not because of their advantageous geographical location, but because of their people*. I must not forget though that the article in question mentions that the people of Delhi are a questionable, pretentious lot. I guess I should focus on the people then.

Delhi, 1947. Monuments left by the Mughals, roads & a few buildings left by the British, and the centre for most of the greats who helped bring in 15th August. Barring the last point, Delhi wasn't too different from some other cities of India. Or maybe it was. There were Indians who didn't know they had become Pakistanis, there were the homeless 'rich', the 'travellers' who did not know of their destination, and there were the scared.

The scared who managed to hold on are today's Old Delhi with generations-old businesses. The culturally rich generations. The rest of Delhi of '47 began with opportunities in the form of a government. The political will attracted people from disturbed areas to Delhi. The refugees were given homes. Those homes are today's bungalows**. The existent trade channels helped bring up industry as much as they could.

Khalistan pushed people to Delhi, Kashmiri Pandits on hitlists found recluse in Delhi, the Green Revolution gave neighbouring farmers a market in Delhi, liberalisation gave UP and Bihar an opportunity for much higher daily wages, privatisation and offshoring brought the rest of India to Delhi, Bihar's hard work got appreciated in diplomacy, and of course, the government and politics remained in Delhi. Tch, trade channels. Not exclusive in India. Built. And still exist. Naturally. Organically. Not undeserved.

Alleged Intellectual Pursuits

The common man in Delhi talks about the weather. It is always too hot, too cold or too humid. It rains too much when not expected. It rains too little when expected. The common man also talks about governance and policy. Heard of that feature of journalism where proximity makes news more interesting? Hmm. The debates on policy take place on the porch that Delhi's homes boast of. And in the college canteens that give students the freedom to discuss what they like, and choose a future that does not result in making hoards of money every month. Where students can enjoy the lectures on Marxist theories and have the option of knowing more about it in a masters or a doctorate course. JNU is a cult. Contemporary culture deceives a visitor of JNU's mind. JNU is not about a meaningless existence or a hip MNC future, but of keeping a school of thought alive which capitalism obviously would not allow to exist. JNU also possibly gives entertainment products like _Capitalism_.
A society is made of layers. Layers of various colours and textures. These layers lend the society a character, a meaning. These layers help in evolution and growth. Layers exist for a reason. Just like vegetarians and carnivores. So, onions being at the heart of all north-Indian dishes are playing an important role. Read about the price issue?

One can always debate the objective and role of media in a democratic state, but The Times of India being quoted as a game-changer in media is a big misrepresentation in my mind. A game-changer in the business of media, yes. Journalism, NO.

Going back to the layers that Delhi is made of - the city lets you decide whether you want to make money or not. It gives you the opportunity to go to Gurgaon and earn a BMW or make a living out of painting and dancing. It does not throw you off a railway platform for not running the race to earn more money. Or call it a commercially viable existence!

Delhi, like any other part of the world has stood the test of time. It does not become endearing because a loser decides that his city has some related flaws. It does not become hateful because it happens to be home to corrupt politicians. Delhi is beyond labels. It is a lot more than the stereotype.

*Which is why there are numerous cities across the world which are great even in the most challenging geographical terrains. People make a city, not its terrain or climate.

**Rest of the bungalows belong to rich industrialists and Bollywood stars. Perhaps made for their extended family and extended servants. Perhaps the same in number as those in Bombay.

P.S. - Didn't Bombay inherit fish? Does it not make millions off it every day? Undeserved? I don't think so. It is distressing to imagine that people like a Manu Joseph talk on behalf of an entire city. A city that minds its own business. Of its contempt for another city of the same country?!
P.P.S. - When did 'sperm' become a dirty word? The art of making normal words sound gross. Appreciation-worthy!

And talking of a crass Jat and the 'thousands like him' is like talking about India and comparing population-based indices with a country like, what, Iceland! Of course there are thousands like him from neighbouring states in a city of over one crore people. About the Jat behaviour, go do some reading!

And I rest my case.

Boolean

2011-04-16T23:29:00.000+05:30

I believe that one does not need to be a geek to appreciate the beauty of boolean. I especially love it since school when it was the only thing in maths that was easy to score in.

The zeros and ones, for me, also relate to the dots and lines of the hinduism universe at some level.

But can we appreciate a human mind that works the boolean way? I have figured that I cannot. Somebody who cannot interpret expressions or read silence, dig beneath the surface or look beyond the sky, I am unable to have a conversation with someone like that. Maybe these are the people who are always sorted in the head and do not have incomprehensible muses. I have realised though that while I strive to disentangle my mind's wires, I don't think I want to be boolean in my mind.

And this is the only logical reason why I am still not over you.

For The Love of White

2011-04-11T00:02:00.001+05:30

I want to write. I want to let it flow. I want to frame proper sentences, not join a noun, adjective and a verb.

I know what is happening to my universe right now. I know it is a circle, the origin of which I cannot locate. I could hope that knowing about it would help sorting it out as well. But I think my monarch-ic ambitions would win the day I'd be able to achieve that.

It is not flowing. Therefore, I am indulging in white.

Where's Goofy?

2011-04-07T00:22:00.003+05:30

My obsession with myself and my mind doesn't need any testimonials. But the lack of something fun/exciting/not drab over the past few weeks has made me indulge in this by giving up on over an hour of sleep. Now tell me if you are offering me some money to let you click a picture of me too. No? Ok.

P.S. - I have 21 GB of photographs on my system. #justsaying

For The Record

2011-04-03T01:58:00.001+05:30

India has won. Fellow countrymen and women are all out on the streets. High-fiving through cars, bikes and even autos. Autos which have dozens of people in them each. Cars which had probably never used their sun roofs before. I saw a family distributing slices of cake to cars passing by. Smiling policemen only telling people to not swing from their cars' windows. Tiny kids not understanding what is happening but participating in the fun.

Sachin had the best smile. The Vande Mataram chant was unmatchable. And the tears. Wow.

Feels good to have been witness to such history. And on an unrelated note, I will miss seeing Gauti in the Delhi jersey later this month.

Faces I Saw Recently

2011-04-02T00:45:00.001+05:30

I have had days when every person I see reminds me of someone I know/have known. Such days are rather creepy. But in the past few weeks I have spotted people on different occasions who look like people I have known. Some of them being...

Sayantani (pretty close to where her parents stay)

Rohini (with only the nose looking different)

Sumit (I think he has more than one look-alikes)

Aditi Raisurana (minus the specs)

Prashant (similar face with a similar height and build)

My bua (if she had a replica it was the lady I saw in the metro!)

Sometimes it's plain uneasy to go through this given the frequency. Isn't it?

Two Farewells and a Thriller

2011-04-02T00:15:00.000+05:30

Saturday night was Saumya's last in Delhi.

From 2007

She has moved back to Hyderabad, this time to spend a year at ISB. So a few of us from college spent the night at her place. It was a good eat-drink-laugh time. The conversations, we felt, had matured. We could feel that we're moving far away from what we used to be like a few years ago. How we can't relate to college goers anymore. How we could not stop talking about work.

But mind you, we are not old yet. We had Britney Spears, some ooh-ah-ish songs on the radio, fantasies, bitching, and future plan talks with us too!

Mom was excited when I told her of Saumya's move. And I know for sure that she's gonna kick some serious ass there!

The other farewell was last night for Nehmat. She had been around for pretty much everything I needed through the past five months - from helping with work on a day that I felt that I may get fired to giving me company for a scary cardiogram. With it all she obviously has had to bear with my moods as well given that I was always on her immediate left.

One of her avatars in office

She's loud, she's fun, she's emotional and full of life. She can have two drinks and do a sexy slither on the floor as well. She's moved on for good, and I'm sure will do something worthwhile and happy in the coming years.

The thriller was obviously the India-Pakistan semi-final. Now what can I say about it that hasn't already been said. It was perfect. More so because it was in the middle of the week and I love happy Wednesdays a lot these days. :D

Wednesday was also Mom's happy birthday. On Wednesday I added some more white to my wardrobe as well. :D :D

It was a good week. With all this was a quick catch-up with Subhadip after more than two years, not much work, a productive business meeting, and a new type of martini discovered and liked.

The downs were there too. But what good will talking about them do me anyway!

Change of Plans

2011-03-21T22:11:00.000+05:30

I have decided to buy the house before buying the car.

The white dream!

About ten years ago I used to fantasize about the big red car. But everyone has a big red car now. And this one's the latest on my list of fancies. I'm guessing something better will come out by the time I am done buying the house, but if the succession was for tomorrow and day after, then my next weekend would be in this one! :D

Fuchsiaa!

2011-03-16T18:08:00.000+05:30

I got my first fuchsia wallet when I was in first year of college. It got stolen in third year, I think. I got my second fuchsia wallet a few months later, and I lost it in December last year. And now I have the thirrrd one! It's smaller than the last two, but it's FUCHSIA! :D

Bad self mode photo from the phone camera. But who cares! :D

16@160

2011-03-11T17:47:00.001+05:30

It was 2007 when I first 'decided' to go to the Taj Mahal. Subhadip then made fun of me saying that I wanted to go there because it had renewed its status in the 7 Wonders. That trip didn't work out. Nor did any of the million others that I tried making between then and now.

So, my story remains the same as for all other trips. Weekend before last it was Priyam's office that killed my trip. Yes, I do not deny that the 'main to ja rahi hoon' thought did cross my mind. But Delhi as base is even harder to let that happen. I was thinking about how to get my way around it for the following weekend, and just then Varun called to ask if I was still interested in making the trip (he is one of the few people I tried asking that weekend). So we decided that we'd go on the 5th, keeping it tentative till Friday afternoon. No expectations, and still hope. Worked well for me. On Friday it was confirmed that the two of us were going, that we were taking his new car, that we will leave early, that we will definitely go to Fatehpur Sikri, and that we haven't found anyone else who is willing/suitable to join us.

It was still dark when we left from my place at 6:00 am. Varun had been nicely deceived by Google Maps regarding the Yamuna Expressway - just like I almost had been too the previous evening. Google shows the complete route marked out on the app, not knowing that it is still not operational. The good thing about having done a few trips in the recent past is that now I always look for bloggers' experiences before heading out. Nothing beats the information that you get there. So I knew better than our driver about which route to take. :D

We missed the newly done-up Faridabad flyover and felt reeeaaally bad about it until we reached the toll collection point and figured that we won't obviously be paying money either. :P

I work for a firm that deals with a lot of urbanisation issues. I'd recently read about how in India development happens in such a way that the entire look of a street/area changes dramatically every few months. So much so that a person who visits after few years may not be able to identify things around at all. And that isn't necessarily a good thing. The same happened with me. I used to go to Faridabad every day in Nov-Dec 2009, but now the completion of that flyover has completely changed the entire space. Feels rather strange.

After about 45 minutes of being out, we faced extremely dense fog for a few kilometres. It was fun hearing Varun talk about Delhi's behaviour when there's fog or rain.

And then came the sun. I can't get enough of even mentioning how much I have started loving it. It is as if every part of my body comes alive when I encounter a happy sun. Very few things have the capacity to make me feel as good these days anyway.

About halfway down Varun felt like having a luxurious breakfast. Far removed from my hope of stopping at a dhaba; we googled and dialled The Taj in Agra to enquire about the breakfast buffet. It was fairly reasonable and was available till our expected time of arrival in the city. There! Breakfast decided. The hotel was earlier called The Taj View Hotel, now called The Gateway. And I wondered from which corner of the hotel could the Taj be viewed even till a few years ago.
The breakfast was decent. Just like in most other 5 stars that I have visited and ate at in the past few months. Maybe I expect too much out of these places, or maybe they really are as useless as I think them to be.

The Gateway from its gate

His breakfast happiness

We left from the hotel at around 10:15 am to wade through the city traffic and make our way to the Taj Mahal from the East Gate. At the parking I saw that we could ride a tonga from there. And excitement happened. :D I figured it was really going to be a luxury day trip and did not mind it at all.

From our tonga!!

We spent about 1.5 hours inside. Varun's repeated statement about walking into a postcard was partially true for me. I hated seeing the number of people that I did there. For once I did not like the presence of so many colours around me. And my love for white got reinforced rather strongly. I mentioned that it should be mandatory to wear white to that complex, and Varun feared my dictatorial thoughts.

Well, I really didn't know how to do justice to it!

I found this substitute for taking off shoes rather funny!

My first photo of the day :D

His already nth photo of the day

My knee, which had been behaving well the past couple of weeks, gave way by 12:30 pm. I was scared I'd ruin the second leg of the outing for us. We drove out nonetheless, on the awesomeness that the highway was. I fell in love with Varun's Vento that behaved so bloody well throughout the day. I felt bad though for the back that got a hit thanks to an invisible tree. But overall, it was t-o-o---g-o-o-d!

Between Agra and Fatehpur Sikri @160 kmph

My mind completely refused the idea of a wheelchair at Sikri. And I think my knee figured that well because it started behaving itself thereafter. And to put it on record, Sikri is the best of all such places that I have seen so far in life. I loved every bit of it. It inspired pleasant thoughts. It made me relate to it at a level that I did not think I ever could have. And it made me wonder what it would be like if I had a palace like that to myself as well. :D

Sikri

At Sikri

I can't figure the expression

From Sikri to Fatehpur was a little dry and rather hot. At Salim Chisti's I felt that I have no wishes that I would want to ask to be fulfilled. It was an overwhelming thought, however, I still managed to ask for the three that the place usually 'allows'.

Fatehpur

Salim Chisti's Dargah

---
There is still laughter in my head at the foolishness that we were with respect to guides through the day. But it was all good since I had decided to take it easy. And the fact that it was Varun who was the diligent listener, not me, worked well.

The Foolishness :P

---

We walked around, bought more chocolates, and were on our way out by 3:30 pm. The drive back was less of speed and more of conversations. And about the fact that neither of us liked each other's music. It was again a non-stop drive, the big dent being the traffic after Ballabgarh.

Restoration on at Fatehpur - the re-done bits looked beautiful!

We were in Delhi by 8:00 pm. My call for wheat took us to Not Just Paranthas at GK 2. The place stank beyond belief. I still ate there because Varun told me it was a nice place. The food did turn out to be good, and I did not fall sick the next day.

Varun's carried over exhaustion from the previous day translated into madness by the end. But I was not complaining. I had had the most perfect 16 hours in the longest time!

A wall at Not Just Paranthas

Varun and his socks at Not Just Paranthas

Away From The Women's Coach

2011-03-04T22:10:00.001+05:30

She was beginning to hate the man because he had been in that seat since she had walked in. The seat she felt illegitimate ownership of. Simply because she hates standing through her journey. Just then he got up. Her day's first analysis didn't go wrong, she thought. She had expected him to get off at Chhatarpur. He got up at the next station. The discount is allowed. A minute or so after settling in, she noticed that the station had passed but the man was still there. And he remained until one station before hers. He made her morning by being so nice without an iota of expression of that favour.

And while he comfortably hung around, she noticed a guy sitting opposite her. Disheveled, unkempt, at least three days of not having shaved, exhausted, barely managing to keep his eyes open. But rather attractive, she thought. The Umbro bag by his feet, the Adidas shoes, a smart fleece, and a pair of jeans that she knew only looked good from a distance, added to the good looks. She did not realise she had been staring at him until his eyes suddenly popped open and looked straight into hers. She looked on for that extra second and then shied away, knowing he was still looking. After glancing through in both directions, conveniently skipping him, she looked back towards him a second time. His eyes closed again. Her now usual morning tiredness made both their body languages fairly similar. She watched on, admiring the perfect nose, the beard that she knew must feel soft, and the sleepy demeanour which looked like it was much deserved. The next thing she knew, he again caught her looking at him. It was funny this time. She thought of passing a faint smile, but could sense that he won't react. He seemed dazed. She looked away. She did not want it to repeat a third time, but noticed from the corner of her eye that he was now looking at her. She also watched him watch her get up, pull on her bags, and walk out. She guessed that his eyes closed immediately after. And perhaps she's the only one still enjoying the moment.

Or maybe he's still thinking how her shirt did not match with her sweater. And she's thinking, "damn, just this one day!".

Small Joys

2011-03-03T22:54:00.000+05:30

It is 10:28 pm. The agenda is to be in bed by 11:00 pm. I don't know what I want to write about. All I know is that the blog is in dire need of something happy. Or at least something that is not morose.

I could write about how I recently noticed in a train that all women around me had abnormally large feet. I could also write about how I now figure that there are many technically under-25 but health-wise over 40 people around. Or about how I am mentally ageing at the same speed as my learning in this organisation is going. Or simply how papayas, not any people are my latest dependency in life.

But happy. Happy! What is happiness, I wonder.

Happiness is my slowly evolving silk collection.

Happiness is getting to Gurgaon every day in under an hour.

Happiness is finally being comfortable in formal clothes.

Happiness is doing government relations

Happiness is having ticked off ten out of my 25 things to do for the September year-end. And I might just manage to add two more to that list this month itself.

Happiness is having gone about a month without the knee brace.

Happiness is having gone international with my photography.
Happiness is keyboard shortcuts.
Happiness is orange.

Happiness is being at home with family.

Happiness is inside.

Happiness would also have been these fonts the way I like them and not the way Google likes them.

The Dead Don't Come Back

2011-02-27T12:25:00.002+05:30

I think this is the fifth time I have begun to write a new post and have got a strong feeling holding back all words.

Maybe because you're not around.

Dated

2011-02-13T10:10:00.005+05:30

Dates that have memories associated with them, irrespective of whether they were good or not, make me very uncomfortable these days.

Maybe it's the age, or maybe it's just my circle, but everyone around seems to be struggling with a change within. How reactions to things have changed, how feelings for people have changed, and how change has forced more change.

I used to be the obsessive woman who remembered all dates related to all things insignificant. At some level I still do, which is why the struggle, I guess. But detachment exercises have been on for a while now. And I know the truth too.

I think I am jealous of people who are managing to go through similar phases without being cynical. And there must be few things that make me feel as pathetic about myself as this thought does.

On an unrelated note, I think I am going to make a short trip on one of the coming weekends. Not a exploring-new-places trip, but a I-have-money-to-blow trip to another metro just to meet friends. I told Dad to help me figure investment plans!

---

You know of times when feelings are so incredibly strong that you are out of words. Even to write. 8th February brought some such feelings. I finally went for a concert of Ustad Zakir Hussain's. And it wasn't just him, Pandit Shiv Kumar Sharma was there too. It was thrilling and completely magical. It was also very cold and I wasn't appropriately dressed, but the sounds in that park that evening were unreal and nothing else mattered.. The moon gave the setting perfect company too. And as you may have guessed, it was one of the happiest moments ever. :D

Flaky Friday

2011-02-11T11:01:00.001+05:30

I have nothing much to write about. Except that I finally figured how to publish in small fonts using Chrome. So, the joy of not having to type in Chrome, publishing it, going to Firefox, logging in, editing, and re-publishing is much worth sharing.

Next on my list of such annoying issues is figuring why bugger Outlook doesn't index my emails. Or whatever else it is that makes it searching for any email impossible. Can you imagine what life must be with Outlook as dysfunctional as that? And the number of times I have had to tell my boss that I cannot locate a stupid email? This kind of stuff really does make me cynical about technology as well. As if us humans weren't enough.

I usually dress informally to work if I know I am going to be parked on my seat the whole day. This week I got that opportunity only yesterday. But to keep feeling through the whole of a Thursday that it's Friday is not a nice feeling again. Different matter altogether that today, on Friday, it doesn't feel like a Friday because friends are not available to do anything fun, and I am working tomorrow. So. Bleh!

This people getting married business is also tiring for my brain now. I wonder how many years it is going to go on for. Actually I don't know why it is tiring; maybe because it is such a big deal for everyone. But I am done with all such conversations for now!

Around is another Valentine's Day. My 25th without any romance to it. Not that I did anything much even when I was not single, but I have been a little itchy for it to be a good day this time. I don't know how. But I wish.

A recent conversation with Mansi reminded of teenage romance in thoughts. It felt good remembering it, and it feels really really empty to have come so far away from all of it.

Some other developments of the past 11 days have been a little unreal and uncomfortable. Look good on the surface, but have difficult layers to deal with. The future will also feel the impact, and I am completely clueless about the direction.

The need graph for having someone to listen is going up again. And the need graph for ability to talk is going further down.

And now that the clock is going to touch a round figure, I should get back to work.

Sort of Social

2011-02-06T10:00:00.002+05:30

While colleagues complain of me not being social enough, I have happily been socialising for the past few days. The time that passed since the last time I connected with any one of these friends has ranged from six months to seven years. I have also managed to make up on some unnecessary fallouts of the recent past. And meet a couple of new people too.

Udit, Priya, Varun, Priyam, Mansi, Selyucus, Pritish, Yuvika, Vaibhav, Srikant, Satyam, it's been good. :)

So, it may be a lonely high ride, but I am thankful there are enough people around to help stay away from madness.

#Bigballsofhappiness

2011-02-01T09:13:00.002+05:30

The sun and the moon have begun to make me happier than they ever did.

The morning walk to the metro station, into the east, is as perfect as it can get. The sun in a perfect position, its rays and heat in perfect combination, and the greetings exchanged... perfect.

I know that my love for the Delhi sun might not last too long, but spring is too lovely to really even spare a thought for the ruthless summer.

Hardcore

2011-01-28T18:47:00.002+05:30

The word has been ringing a bit for the past few days.

In unrelated contexts: Baiju said I'm hardcore for I manage to mix drinks, be fine, and more. He thinks I can "kick ass and be a Radia if I want to". Jayant said I'm hardcore for managing to procrastinate to the extent that I do. Nehmat said I'm hardcore for she thinks I have potential to do my own business. I say I'm hardcore because I love the thought of being hardcore.

I cannot remember who, but someone recently told me that it isn't probably so great to be 'hardcore' because of the kind of connotations associated with the word. Of course, I only wish people grew beyond such notions.

Someone has even come to me and told me that my 'media look' gives a 'cougar' impression to guys. It surprises me, and yet does not. And I feel absolutely no urge to even refute such mental expressions. According to me, they are beyond all reason.

Nonetheless, it is entertaining to hear of such thoughts and opinions. Especially when you are bored out of your wits.

Force

2011-01-26T00:46:00.003+05:30

I have decided to take on the most trying of all challenges I have faced in my few (long enough) years of being around. I think it will be harder than getting over men I have loved. I do not want to imagine that in detail yet 'coz it is a highly discouraging thought. But this, is for life. A good life. A not-so-exciting life. But a healthy life.

I am giving up wheat flour. Wish me luck!

Good-bye, Maggi, pastas, pizzas, cakes, and the rest of the family. I had a good time.

M

2011-01-17T00:43:00.004+05:30

There was some thought behind it. It came with a lot of love, in a dirty sock, with infinite laughter. But life took such a turn that I never had the heart to take it out again. Today I did, to give it away. It aches to think about it. But I hope it will never cause ache again because my cupboard has moved on now.

Pissed Off!

2011-01-10T23:07:00.003+05:30

When multiple people play around with your faith in one day, you wonder about the population that comes out of such shit without being bitter. I swear there should be free rights on giving tight slaps to certain people.

Hot!

2011-01-04T23:24:00.003+05:30

There is something incredibly sexy about guys with uneven teeth, scarred eyebrows, or even a tough shave.

But all within decent limits. :D

The Christmas Weekend

2011-01-03T10:45:00.004+05:30

I meant to write all about it, but since I haven't so far, I doubt I'll sit to narrate it out any time soon. So, two lines to register it.

I went for a Jagjit Singh concert at Siri Fort Auditorium. I stopped listening to his ghazals long ago, but completely enjoyed my three hours there. He's a sarcastic, romantic old man. Do I need to say more?

I also met Priyam over some Italian lunch and a haircut that she does not like in retrospect. Saw her after really long but nothing felt different. I would have uploaded pictures if even one of them had come out well.

Then I went to Jayant's for a party. Being there suddenly transported me into one of those 'circuits' where everyone brings along, and meets, everyone at a party and has a lot of fun. There were college friends, their school friends, their respective boyfriends and girlfriends, my colleagues, and their respective friends too. Wow. I am now wondering about the time when I tried something similar and it failed. The scale wasn't even as big. :-/

Sunday was a little crazy. I suddenly felt like I want to buy a car. I know you read something funny a few posts back. Shut up. So I went and looked at a Ford Figo. It was worth the love I was anyway ready to shower on it. Love that car! But then I realised that I do not particularly need a car yet and we came back home. And as a substitute, I just went and bought a pair of glasses. Not the ones that I liked and were obscenely priced, but something in the middle. :-/

Wow, this was a lot more than two lines. Good.

Nervous

2011-01-01T07:05:00.003+05:30

I happen to begin the year with the last thing I expected from myself. Expectations.

It worries me. 2011, don't disappoint.

Embarrassingly Rhymed

2010-12-26T23:15:00.004+05:30

A moment, a day, a year

a cold evening and a hot tear

spent hoping against hope

that some day you will be near.

A Year of Lessons

2010-12-26T13:31:00.006+05:30

I forgot to mention in the previous post that I also saw the full moon's light making the serene waters at Bhimtal glitter, bidding me the happiest good-bye.

And now for the Fuchsia (self-proclaimed) legend - my year wrap-up post.

# The year had begun with a spill-over from last year-end's awesome trip to the best of beaches

# I had also resolved to travel every month

# I watched my first 3D movie. And an animated one at that.

# Went through two longish phases of depression

# Went crazy over not taking up the job that I did not want

# Spent a lot of time with my first cousins

# In the Exploring Delhi chapter, I visited the phool mandi at CP and Ugrasen ki Baoli

# Went on a rural marketing trip to a village near Pune. Tasted anjeers off a farm in the middle of all brand-related matters

# Bhaiya got married

# Spent a lot of energy getting accustomed to the presence of a new member in the family

# Danced with a bartender at a party

# Drove to Panchgani with friends and sat in the dark for several hours just waiting to see a perfect sunrise

# Liked almost all new alcoholic drinks that I tried this year, and developed a dislike for the Old Monk that gave a lot of memories the previous year

# Just for the record, I love Jack Daniels. And I love green apple martinis. And an advice that you are free to take - please don't make LIITs if you don't know how to make them.

# I am still not over the tequila shots happiness :D

# I went tripling on a motorcycle

# I also rode pillion on a bike on two cold nights

# Totally fell in love with Marks & Spencer

# Made a road trip to Amritsar

# In my list of temples this year

- Golden Temple

- Dandeshwar

- Jageshwar

- Golu Devta Temple

- Sun Temple

# Got a root canal treatment and multiple cavities filled

# I still love meetha!

# I went back to driving. And again did not get my license. I think I should write 'went back to practicing driving'.

# Got involved in a project I liked in a way that could not have been more unorganised

# Ruined my knee

# Fractured a foot

# Still living with dysfunctional legs

# Got two worth-absolutely-every-penny-spent amazing hairdos

# Watched a lot of movies, ate at a lot of new places

# Experimented with food (in all caps).

# Had the coldest birthday ever

# Experienced the challenges of a job hunt

# Wrote the most desperate email of my life

# Went for a few events at the Commonwealth Games in Delhi and felt supercool doing that :P

# Missed two close friends' weddings

# Saw first-hand what five stars are like and really did not get impressed. I appreciate the efficiency of smaller places a lot more.

# Had a friend bring me white roses during one of my many illnesses

# Started meeting directors and CEOs of organisations and also started finding the process quite hollow

# Went back to Pune and to that campus that I did not think I will ever turn back to.

# The feelings that ran through me during my last few hours on that campus will probably go with me to my pyre

# Bonded with a stranger through a night and felt like I could spend the rest of my life with him. I was drunk.

# People I sanely wanted to keep for life decided otherwise.

# Heard Jagjit Singh live

# Made my long trip to the Himalayas and did a year's worth of new things

# Had many degrees of strength derived from my immediate and extended family

# Realised for sure that I am a strong person in spite of the love for vulnerability.

The Winter Trip to Kumaon

2010-12-26T02:26:00.002+05:30

Continuing from where I left, I was on a very tight seven-day road trip on the following route.

Delhi>Bilaspur>Rudrapur>Nainital>Sitla>Mukteshwar>Almora>Patal Devi>Kasar Devi>Chitai>Jageshwar>Almora>Kasar Devi>Kausani>Mohlidhar>Ranikhet>Kathgodam>Delhi

So while I was working, the little and the lot that I experienced and managed to absorb (cannot claim to explore at all) would be the following.

# Sitting in the front seat can help avoid a lot of winding-roads-motion-sickness.

# Sitting in the front can be very taxing for your otherwise overworked brain if the driver wants to talk non-stop in order to keep himself awake.

# I can love the smell of freshly sanitized hotel rooms. And then suddenly hate them.

# More cities growing the Rudrapur or Almora way will really ruin our country.

# I love the defence forces. I just do. And I love how they maintain the places they live in. Ranikhet being the case in point.

# Sitla is a cold place. Very very cold place.

# The 50 km aerial distance between Kausani and the Himalyan peaks does not feel good. The force wants you to be on the other side. But that is also a cold place. Very very cold place. Especially if you are doing sunrise/sunset photo shoots.

# I met at least 10 new people and covered the previous 11 months' deficit of that in my life.

# The new things I saw/did: eat methi ka laddoo, bhatt ke dubke, maduey ki roti, and bal mithai, have fresh cow's milk, stand in a smelly cold storage, live in a building built in 1880, get overwhelmed by the artificialness of floriculture, watch the process of flower tissue culture, trek an unbelievable amount with my half dysfunctional legs, visit the Sun Temple at Katarmal, the Golu Devta Temple at Chitai, get the stories of both, meet some people who are doing some absolutely brilliant work in the region, understand that the thousands of pine trees are just ruining the ecology of the region, that kiwis are now being grown indigenously, learn about the art called aipan, see-touch-step on-and-freeze thanks to frost, among many other things.

# Gods were nice enough to keep the weather sunny through our entire trip. But I still know now what a solar eclipse apparently feels like.

# I had a bold ice cream in Nainital. And I had a bolder ice cream in colder Ranikhet. :D

# I had more tea in those seven days than I had cumulatively had over the past 24 years. And the last one somehow knew that it was the last one. I could just not have taken any more of it.

# Like a cool dude I decided to not carry the extra weight of a hair brush. That made me realise that my hair isn't after all so short.

# After the first two days, my colleague and I had become completely oblivious of the way we looked. It felt less of an official trip and more of a backpacking tour across the region. The same shoes, socks, coat, cap, neck warmer, gloves, and the self... without any accessories, basic kajal, or any other form of formality, we just trudged along - town to town, hotel to hotel.

# I am not a heater/hot water bottle person. At all. I just need my multiple layers of blankets in place.

# The region offers very good food.

# Airtel acts very idiotic through most part of the region. I had to dial every number at least 4-5 times before connecting through.

# Most natives' looks were deceiving vis-a-vis their age. They all looked unbelievably younger than what they really were.

# I saw lemons that were 10 times the size of what we get in our cities.

# Got blessings I did not expect, got compliments I did not expect, and had a trip more awesome than I expected.

Four Years Later

2010-12-13T22:58:00.007+05:30

After much contemplation, I went to Pune this past weekend for my convocation ceremony. And well, I did everything except get the degree. Don't ask why. It should suffice to know that systems fail in a lot of places.

I flew via Bombay and experienced the city at leisure for the first time. Had always rushed there - be it for flights or interviews. Robin took me to a place called Candies. A nice place, except that I could not help but notice the number of stairs I had to climb.

The evening in Pune was split between Sheesha and Stone Water Grill. Both these places are quite popular with the locals, but I could never get myself to like Sheesha. Starting with the name, it's all too ordinary and less. But Stone Water Grill I enjoyed. Did the much overdue tequila shots and danced till my foot could not handle more. The highlight was a routine with some Korean guys with a robot dance. You really had to be there to know how much fun that was because it was really really fun!! :D

Met a few people that I was looking forward to see, and looked through some whom I really do not give a damn about.

About the new hairdo, from rockstar to power corporate to school boy to downright uncool, I got all sorts of comments. Attention is always good. And you know which comment I loved the most. :D

And a stranger got curious about how I look with longer hair. ;-)

I was glad to half-strip at the Delhi airport security check because of the metal round my leg, and Mumbai airport security I wanted to slap someone for the non-sense they put me through. :-/

---

I am now off to Uttarakhand for a week. Covering almost the entire Kumaon area for an official project. Super excited!

---

Now I do not even care about getting pictures clicked with people who are important. Not sure if that is because they are not important enough any more or if it really does not affect me any more. But I have definitely come a long long way from the time when I obsessed about these things.

I will hopefully click some pictures over the next week though.

I'll do the new year post once I am back. Looking forward to the reflection hour. :-)

For now, ta!

Leave of Absence

2010-12-10T23:41:00.003+05:30

For 18 hour work days

For a stay at the world's crappiest five star

For life's shortest hair crop

For the dive that feels like a whirlpool

For befriending cabbies

For planning a trip I didn't think I would

And for digging another grave for some more love.

Why Today Was a Good Day

2010-11-24T00:31:00.003+05:30

1. I got unexpected, indirect compliments. It was nice.

2. I stepped out of office for 10 minutes during the day, and the weather made me very very happy. The chilly air has endorphins in it. (And this stupid americanised english does not identify endorphins as a word. Bleh!)

3. One of my interns got me a chocolate. Not because I made her particularly happy, but simply because she refused to take the money I was giving her while she was going on a break. :D Actually she was just thankful that I let her go on a break. :D :D

4. The same intern asked me how I knew that this is what I wanted to do. And that's when I realised that I had crossed over. Cannot describe the feeling.

Off Limits

2010-11-22T23:54:00.001+05:30

Vulnerable men... tch!

Gulbandh

2010-11-21T12:51:00.003+05:30

My idea of time has become a little distorted over the past few days. If once I feel that a whole week just hopped past, another time I feel like the first half of a day was really really long ago. Life is nice and busy. The toxins are at a minimum. And I am counting down for my foot's cast to come off now.

The other day I looked at people walking, standing, running at a metro station and they all seemed to have an alien power that I no more seem to have. My knee has only gotten worse because of chikungunya and the pressure it had to take because of this fracture. I almost feel that it will never get better again. Especially because I am not doing anything about it these days.

I have also never felt as unsure of my capabilities as I do today because the level at, and environment in, which I am expected to function is demanding in a way that I didn't imagine it to be. But I am hoping that this experience will also deliver gains with similar exponents.

I was not expecting the weekend to be a weekend. So, to steal a Friday night out and have a relatively relaxed Saturday feels even better than it otherwise would have. Now all that I really need is a nice roadtrip to some place nice and my life would be complete. :D

The Romantic Life

2010-11-17T23:46:00.005+05:30

So it rained in NCR today. Some people found the weather to be gloomy. But I loved it. It's the onset of winter!

Then later a different conversation started with a colleague about how picturesque the Pune campus was. And then the thought triggered. About how spending 13 years in the most awesome school, or graduating from the north campus of Delhi University, and living on a hilltop for two years seem oh-so-perfect in retrospect.*

To have had some really amazing men in your list of failed relationships, a very adventurous list of health-related experiences, and the whole process of getting to this 24-point-something moment in life has been very exciting.

I suddenly feel I have been living The Romantic Life all these years, and I am glad that it is a smile-inducing thought at the end of a very tiring day.

*Deleted a happy line about the present. You know which word to insert. :-/

The Sea's Depth

2010-11-16T23:52:00.005+05:30

It does not feel good to see a lot of people not appreciate affection, interpret true love, or commit unconditionally. I hope they get whatever it is that they are seeking.

Phew!

2010-11-15T23:08:00.005+05:30

I don't think I have been this anxious/tense about anything in the past three years. Maybe even longer. The present is reminding me of board exams and all those life-threatening economics papers. I mean, I feel the need for Mom to sit with me even if she is not contributing to what I am doing. This is really deja vu! The scary one.

Alive, Alive!

2010-11-11T23:30:00.002+05:30

It's pressure like never before.

It's learning like never before.

The emotions front..

For a reason, for a reason, for a reason....

Run, Lola, Run!!

2010-11-02T12:59:00.003+05:30

So, I'm doing everything from devising media accreditation policies to handling massive databases. From brainstorming for creative material to having my boss scare the shit out of me. Still extremely uncomfortable with the insane amount of work and anxiety, but I am pretty sure I am liking it.

New Rule Adopted*

2010-10-27T23:41:00.005+05:30

I think I would have had a breakdown if this evening had come before this job did; I would thus not have been able to write about faith in the previous post. The fourth fracture that evens out the plaster balance of both feet.

*Never ever to take stairs again. Anywhere in the world. Even if my heart stops beating in a rickety elevator.

Reflections

2010-10-26T22:53:00.002+05:30

Dreams come to you in sleep. Rather, when you stare wide into infinity. But the realisation of them takes time. It takes patience. It takes courage. It takes facing a whole lot of people who hate your guts. And it takes the kind of strength you didn't know you have.

It calls for smiling when you hate everything around you. It calls for waking up every morning in spite of thinking the previous night that you might just die in sleep. And you know what else? Knowing that it is just the beginning.

These are thoughts that I imagined about today a few months back. Now these words sound a little extreme to me, but I still want to register them for all those days that I spent struggling to stay above the line. I want to not forget the time when people made me abhor people, and the concepts of trust, expectations, and belief.

Surely this was also the time when some other people stood by. And that is why I say, 'my faith keeps me going'.

Definition of Good Friday

2010-10-24T00:38:00.006+05:30

I waited for the 'right' job for more than 10 months. But when it came along, it did so in a snap. All the things that did not work out have left me very unsure about how 'right' this one really is, but logic and sense say that it is. And for now we are leaving it at that.

So, this Friday I went in for induction and a meeting. It was a rather important meeting and I felt great being a part of it. I was not expecting day 1 to bring anything spectacular with it, so it felt even cooler just being there in the moment.

The awesomeness of the day continued with managing a seat on the metro on my way back. My iPod also saw light of day after really long. It had the old playlist in it which brought back a lot of memories from Pune, both good and not-so-good, but it was nice feeling that music again.

I came home and made a number of phone calls to the people who helped during the struggle. The highlight was talking to my grandparents. All four of them. Making them happy is an overwhelming feeling. Every single time.

Then I connected with a few cousins, and next thing we knew.. it was 1:30 am, and four of us were driving out for some official celebration! Things like these do not happen with me in Delhi. Neither for the two other girls with me. We had to make up a few stories, bring in a few confidantes, and the mood got rolling!

We first went to Cibo at Janpath. Apparently it is one of the better places to party these days. But what we saw when we went in was the last thing we'd have expected to see. There was a big group of surds dancing to hardcore punjabi music. The kind that is easily detestable. But we decided to stick around for a while because things were slightly bearable thanks to the punju connection. More so because it was too late to think of going some place else. We drank. We danced. And in the end, when the DJ played corny Bollywood tracks, we were happy too. :)

It was around 3:00 am when we left from there. Nidhi thought we should look for food now. Samridhi and I felt we should look to move home now. But Agneesh felt we should try to get into Agnee at The Park for some extended fun. Especially because the scene at Cibo wasn't particularly what we had set out for. And the moment we entered Agnee the past hour felt like such a waste! The music was great, the ambience was good, and there weren't any shady surds dancing with a glowing mobile phone set in their belt. We danced like crazy for the next one hour. I know I for sure was having the time of my life. Definite glances from two cute guys made it even more entertaining. :D

We left from there around 4:15 am. First we were to drop Nidhi and Samridhi back. I act responsibly 9.9 out of 10 times, so it was tooooo much fun speeding and singing out loud in chorus (no, the windows were not rolled down), on empty roads.

After that we quietly left my brother's car back at my place, picked Agneesh's bike, and moved to his place. So, just as I thought that I had had the perfect few minutes on the road, the 5:00 am cold air hit me hard on my face!

Yes, Delhi is festive again. And I do not feel left out.

Would not have been possible to move out had he not come over to congratulate! :)

PS - I do NOT like beer. Yes, I have tried those fancy brands too. :

All Yours.

2010-10-13T02:53:00.003+05:30

A friend of 14 years is getting married.
A friend with whom I once shared the concept of soulmate is getting married.
A friend decided to get married but unfortunately the relationship ended right after she got engaged.
A friend/classmate from a few years ago is also getting married.
And so is another close friend.

It is not like I do not have friends who are already married. But they are all older than me. These are people my age. Women my age.

When I was younger, I used to think 24 is the perfect age for a girl like me to get married. These are all girls like me. But as you may have guessed, my thoughts have changed a tad bit. And I am under an unspoken pressure. Of a different kind.

First of all, today, I do not know a guy I would like to marry. I can force* myself to imagine maybe, but then I don't think he would be imagining as vividly as I would. Secondly, professionally, I am far from settled enough to think about getting married. And thirdly, unlike the situation that most of my female friends find themselves in, I have a strange pressure from extended family and relatives. Even from my dad. I am expected to be VP of an organisation or live & own property in Manhattan before I think about things like marriage. They get the idea from most of my female cousins. The average age at which they got married is 30. So in a way, maybe it's a good thing I am not dating anyone right now because if I went to my parents with the idea of a marriage, I would have to stamp the big L on my forehead myself.

Now, about my thoughts. You know that I want to be VP of an organisation by the time I am 30. There is no doubt about that. And I will get there. Almost beside the point. The point here is that I don't want to be single when that happens. Of course, going by how things move in life, I know I have no control over how life will unfold in the next six years. But this is my perfect world we are talking about tonight.

Some of you whom I may have befriended in the last 2-3 years may not know the romantic in me. You may have even heard me say that I am not romantic. I am aware of times I have said so on this blog too. There are many reasons, incidents, people that make me do that, but yes, I do not like admitting that I too imagine and visualise the perfect world. I may not fancy a typical knight in shining armour or a going-down-on-his-knees scene, or even a desi version of it, but let's just say there isn't no reason why I obsess about things like flowers so much. However, I am good with the pretence. Even that friend of 14 years believes I am more practical than anything else. Sometimes I wish at least there was someone who knew what I really thought. Although I guess that's asking for too much. And... I like being practical too. So what I really wish for is someone who knew when I like being romantic and when I like the practical me to take over.

And then there are these words that echo in my head everytime I let my mind drift in this direction. There was a man who was known to be extremely obnoxious by most people around him. I was one of them. But he had once said that as we grow older, our insecurities, skepticism, and things we are rigid about only increase. And that in turn is not a good thing for a woman who may have to 'adjust' to a lot of things when getting married. And as dry as that sounds to the rebels in us, I personally feel there's truth to it. What adds to my insecurities is the fact that I know as I am growing older, my cynicism and extreme opinions are going off limits. So while I do not want to get married tomorrow morning, I think I will have too much baggage to handle as years pass by. And Subhadip's 'selective progeria' never ceases to haunt every empty moment of my life.

For now, the good thing is that I already have a lot of wedding-y clothes. And I am ready to partayy!! :D

PS - If you are a guy freaking out because of these things that I am saying, I will let you stereotype the moment. But in case you want to date me, why don't you connect with me! :D

*Now you know I do not need to force myself. Some thoughts flow more smoothly because there is no sense to them.

Fuchsia

The Fairy Tale Girl

Minds Without Fear

Who Cares!

Gah!

Sazish Mein Shamil Zamana

To 2012!

Being Stupid Contd.

Bokeh

Merry Christmas!

2011 and Me

The Month So Far...

Evergreen

Sound of Laughter

2011: Hello, Woollen Socks!

Passive

It's a Wrap!

Kya Kahein!

Loop

Neela Aasman So Gaya

माया

Aiyo!

Being Stupid

Work

Community

Elusive

Memories, old fragrances, and hot tears.

Dost Log

Of Infections, Weaknesses, and Addictions

Times

Windy

A Review

It's True

Oh No!

Reminiscent

Big 25, Part B!

Orchha

Freedom

I Wish I Could Use a Dagger

My Delhi Metro Muses

Browsing Through Tabs

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Saat Mahine Baad

There Is Nothing To Talk About

Not So Public Affairs

Dull Afternoons

Offload!

The 12th State

The Low Notes

It's Just A Scratch!

Haraami Kismat!

Next Steps?

*Respect*

Weekend Package

The Big Question

A Defence!

Boolean

For The Love of White

Where's Goofy?

For The Record

Faces I Saw Recently

Two Farewells and a Thriller

Change of Plans

Fuchsiaa!

16@160

Away From The Women's Coach

Small Joys

The Dead Don't Come Back

Dated

Flaky Friday

Sort of Social

#Bigballsofhappiness

Hardcore

Force

M

Pissed Off!

Hot!

The Christmas Weekend

Nervous

Embarrassingly Rhymed

Respect