:D :D :D

Ok, I am majorly itching to write this post in all caps, but I really want you to read it so I won't do that. I am on top of the world. And that is because I have a supercool boyfriend (yes, I took his permission to write like a 15-year-old).

Do you know what an acrostic is? I did not till a few moments ago. Go dig up the meaning and then read this.

Lockjaw is a disease, but I think I almost got that after reading this. I could not, and still almost cannot believe it. I think I am touched, but right now the disbelief is overpowering. Daily reiteration of feelings in common words suddenly doesn't seem to be enough. I have nothing to say, nothing to write....just have an ear-to-ear grin. This is just insane! :D

I'm so happy!! :-)

P.S. I hope you know what my real name is. :P

A Simple Message

Sometimes reality is so simple to understand.

Do watch the video till the end.

Muhahaaaa

I knew that it was just a matter of time, but some people tried to tell me that it would never happen again. But I just knew it. The airwaves are alive again!! Of course, because Nitin is back!! Yayiiiiii!! Radio just can't afford to lose him, no matter what! I'm all happy again. :D

Factual Bits

Some things are dying...
and some are coming to life...
but there is nothing extraordinary in my observation...
this is what life is.

And everything is timely...
It's time certain things died.
It's not the thought of their death that is disturbing,
but their presence that is.

New life is, as always, a little unbelievable...
taking its time to sink in...
with apprehensions galore,
but welcomed with open arms still.

Competitive Exams

I'm feeling so lost, so without a purpose in life today. I know that maybe it's just one of those things that are never meant to be, but then why did I want it so badly? I gave up everything I could for it, I gave it everything I could too....and I am sitting here without a reason why I did so brilliantly in that one freakin exam. Yeah, I know that it's not the end of life or of anything else n all of that....but give me a break somebody!!
I am sitting here, 12:40 p.m., not knowing what to do in the next minute. How should I spend hours waiting... until I see human form again, until I see a new form of motivation, until I find something to do? How should I look at these creepy books again...with more love...so that I can really gain something out of them? Go away if you think I'm talking like a loser...you've become too judgmental!
Uh! I guess, like with all other things, it will take a couple of years for me to figure why this was not meant to be. Never mind. At least now I know it was not meant to be. That's some consolation!

CAT II

Flowers, phone calls, SMSs, I’m receiving them all. It really is a big day tomorrow, I guess. I’m trying to not think about it now, and am succeeding only partially. ‘Fuck scared’ and more, it is quite a roller coaster. But I think it was one last year too. And like I was just discussing with a friend, I’ve probably been ten times more worried for a lot of college exams. None of the college exams ever gave me the liberty of writing a blog post at 8:00 one night before. It’s just the darn pressure. Screw the pressure (oh, screwing it would take the air out of it. Hee hee hee :P)! Yeah, I’ve become quite a champ at such PJs. Never mind.

I am just hoping that the waking up routine is perfect tomorrow. That is, minus any cold, headache, toothache, backache, etc. And most importantly, I hope the mind is blank & happy.

Praying for myself.

Adios! :-)

(Sur)real

I thought my blog needed an update. I also thought that I want to write. And so I am here.
But there’s a part of me that does not want to write here anymore. And I don’t like the fact that it is happening. Blogging is, somehow, not what it used to be. And I hate to see it the way it is today. Don’t ask me what I’m getting at, ‘coz it’s hard for even me to explain.

But I don’t want to let go of this. As with most other things that are, or have been dear to me! I’d rather alter a few things in my thinking.

The recent past has been quite fairy-tale like. I am in a world which seemed to belong to only books and movies. A world which was nothing more than some beautifully interwoven words by people known as writers. It still seems like a dream, and I know pinching myself won’t be of much help. ‘Surreal’ is really the only word that comes closest to describing my world as it is right now. I had long stopped believing that reality could be like this. But I just realized that reality need not be only the bad stuff. Good things are just as real. It’s a different matter that they become very hard to digest as reality at times.

I am also being made to realize that I have done a fairly decent job of ‘making friends’. People who are friends in the true sense of the word. So what if I was talked badly of, so what if some people whom I considered friends did not really reciprocate equally in the relationships? What I have today, is perfect. I never thought people other than my immediate family could be so happy for me. At times, it is said that it is easier to be part of others’ happiness, but I don’t think so. How would someone’s happiness make any difference to you if that person was just another somebody for you?

I am truly happy today. My ‘people-world’ is stable. And the stability is brought by the person who is in its centre – yes, it’s Shady.

Shady says this about me, but it holds true in my case too – his voice is magical. When he laughs, I do not want him to stop. When he looks at me, I want his eyes to never look away. When he unknowingly tries to undo the hurt that I’ve tried to bury inside me, I wonder whether he is real. When I talk to him, I know he is listening. His words are a musical chain to my ears. The romance that he has brought into my life is completely beyond my own belief. The trust that he adds to the relationship each day, is very precious to me. The way we fight our insecurities, is something that only he understands. The love that I get is something that I have never got before. And the love that I get to give is also something that I could never do before.

Yes, it’s love again, only this time it’s real.

Festive Moods II

This time I don't even know where to begin. It was my happiest Diwali ever. It was literally brought in with tears of happiness, and I certainly could not have asked for anything more.
The day started very early as usual. Had the customary havan which was wrapped by 7:00 a.m. After that, I went out for a little walk in the beautiful weather. Also spent some time on the terrace. Came back for a little nap, and even before I'd had breakfast, I was out again. This time (happily) forcefully shoved into a car by cousins who had plans of visiting all other cousins in the city. I realised late at night that even sitting in the backseat killed me! It's not funny travelling from south Delhi to Rohini to Gurgaon and back and still not have stiff legs. But of course, it was fun without a doubt. Although, the funniest thing was what I did on my way back home. I think I used to do that when I was 5 years old. Car-tree-sardar uncle-poster-cycle pe people-hero heralal-red light-etc-etc.....spelling out everything that I could see from my window seat. It felt incredible!! :D
Got back a little late, so I had to find a way of making a rangoli that won't take much time. My pattern was the simplest ever, but filling it all with petals is always a painstakingly long task. Late night also made me realise that I killed my already dead legs even more by balancing all my weight weirdly for about an hour. I can't feel my legs right now. Anyway, Ruhi did help a lot with the rangoli. She also came up with the cheesiest senti dialogues just because she's leaving Delhi in three days. Bloody!
Just caught up with a few more friends after that, and sensibly got back inside my home by 10:00 p.m. since the pollution was getting crazy.

So, lots of phone calls, even more SMSs, loads of mithai, colours, lights, smiles, hugs, pictures, fun....and I had the perfect Diwali. :-)
I hope, so did you.

Festive Moods

I had been wondering why I couldn't feel the Diwali air around me. How I didn't even realise that my favourite festival was so close. The deal is that there is a mismatch between the weather and the festive days this time. The weather that Delhi usually sees around Diwali came and went in the early days of October. Somehow I'm glad that happened. Like I always keep saying, I am always nicely taken care of. I didn't, but somebody else knew that this year that air won't make me happy. I didn't deserve to be unhappy during some of the best days of the year. And I am not. I am very very happy today. I've always lived in this city but have never seen rain a day before Diwali. Today I did. And I want to believe that I know why the rain gods were happy. It's my November rain. The one I silently thought about a week ago. For once, I didn't find it irksome. Loved it. :-)
The weather's just incredible right now! I think it's the official indicator for winters to begin, and also for mosquitoes to go climb a pole.

I also continued my little Diwali tradition of getting mehandi on my hands. I did not have company this time, but being my stubborn self, there was no place other than Lajpat Nagar that I was going to get it from. So I went. Alone. It was a bit of a struggle handling my bag, the hair falling in my eyes, looking for an auto, and so forth....but I managed to get back home without smudging even a bit of it. Aren't you proud of me already? :D

One of the boxes of of mithai that have come home today have the funniest form of kaju barfi in them. They're shaped like different fruits. Amazing pieces of art! :-)

I think I'm going out with Pa for some little shopping for the house right now. So I shall be back. Maybe write more about Diwali. In case I don't, HAPPY DIWALI!!! :-)

It feels good to move around with a content smile on the face. :-)

Perspective

Aarbee’s never tried so hard to study.

12^th standard boards, 2^nd year exams, and now this! Times when I have really felt that I have put in a lot of hard work. I’ve studied as much as I could. There still probably remain a few things and I am trying to take care of those too. I know I studied last time too, but this time I’ve studied more. So now, even though I am fighting my worst fears almost every day, I am just glad I stuck to my idea of giving it my all this time. I knew I am not going to make another attempt at this, and that is why I also left my job. I know there is nothing more I can do if things don’t work out this time either. It is not a half-hearted attempt. From here, I either go the way I want to, or find another way that I’d like to follow. I will not be standing here and waiting any more. I may be tensed and anxious, but I am satisfied with what I have done. And still, my wall reads that I am better than most and can kick butt when I am in my element….and I intend to believe it until C-Day, and also for the rest of my life. :-)

These days are quite nice. I have found something that negates the effect of all the hellish thoughts that come to my head. Could I be more thankful and happier about it? Guess not. :-)

Chill(y)

I had an eventful weekend, but I wonder why all weekends end with my cribbing and worrying about math!

So there was a fun Saturday afternoon with a friend, chocolate truffle pastry, catching up with a very old school friend in the evening, meeting darn sweet kids of her NGO and also watch them perform on stage, feeling and enjoying the chill in the air, letting a complete stranger make my day, letting out an unbelievably high number of abuses on the roads, having great Chinese food for dinner and enjoying the Delhi charm yet again, having the best sleep in ages, feeling beautiful, writing a mock test minus the cold after 2.5 months, still screwing maths like I do every time, not feeling depressed for a change, catching up with cousins, eating something that my ma could never have imagined I’d eat, talking non-stop about people I like, and now writing. Phew! That was my longest sentence ever, I think! :D

What I want to write about in greater detail is what I saw last night. I’ve been to Chanakya for several movies, but have never been to the market that’s next to it; particularly in the night. It’s not the best of places in terms of ambience or feeling comfortable as a woman, but what food! I went there with Bhaiya to just get stuff packed for home. Of course it was Chinese. [:D] I figured that there were about 15-20 small restaurants but they all had a common kitchen on the first floor. People placed their orders, and then the shopkeepers used a microphone to convey the order upstairs. So there were guys running in and out of one of the restaurants (which, I think, had one of the ways to the kitchen) with dishes. One coming out with hot, steaming food….another going in with dishes ready to be cleaned.

There were all kinds of people there too. The loud gangs of guys with music blaring out of their cars, north-eastern couples, families – they were all there! The place was packed at 10:00 p.m. and the movie show was still to get over. I wonder how the place looks right after a show! And I also wonder how much business they make over there. The food is decently priced but certainly not cheap. Not what you might expect from smalltime places like those!

I totally enjoyed my little wait there, though. It was kinda cold, was quite dark, but the place was buzzing with action. Everyone was up to something or the other, people were having fun, and I was standing and watching everything. Also noticed a police chowki with people sitting right outside and having alcohol. Saw my beloved NDMC-maintained roads that look and feel out of the world on winter nights, and fell in love with them all over again! It was a fun, little outing I had. Not forgetting the spicy food. Ah. :D

And now I shall sign out. See you soon. Byeee!! :-)

Shady's Back!!

After six traumatic days, I am back!! I can sleep again. I knew that bloody CAT could not have been the reason. It was some dumb pills that I was prescribed. Side effects: nervousness and insomnia. Grr. Didn't they know that any more nervousness would just result in a breakdown here! Buggers. Oh I love my loud music again, it's not noise pollution any more. And I feel so energetic right now that I could fight an elephant, maybe. :D
So, a special thanks to a friend who was nice enough to dig up the details of those medicines and tell me to quit them. Also, for tolerating me for all those hours that I was up and cranky and dumb. For laughing at all my silly jokes and tantrums alike. For just being so niice and patient. Shady. :-)

Shady is considerate beyond belief. And is still not shady. Talk about perfect balance. I cannot begin to write about the things that are common between the two of us. I have never met another person who is so much like me. I thought I was a unique piece. But! I doubt if anybody can actually understand what I am trying to say here, because in just a few days, even we have lost track of the things that are similar. It's just crazy.
Although, there is one very big and evident difference. Our skills when it comes to maths. My scores are usually not even a tenth of his. Bloody!
He's brought a lot of smiles and happiness in my life. I'm scared, but I am enjoying. I've been singing for over a year - Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there...With open arms and open eyes. So. I think it fits so well, in the context of pretty much every thing that is happening in life. 2 weeks to go. I need to keep my eyes and arms open for that too.

God, trusting you again. Muah! :-)